Redemption
by evitascarlett
Summary: No one said that picking up the pieces and moving on would be easy…but they never said it would be this hard either. A sequel to Apologize.
1. Chapter 1

_Authors Note: Here we go again ;) Before we get started I just want to make a few points, this story picks up about five weeks after Apologize. Please keep in mind that Kate and Castle are still early into their dating relationship; they are not ready to discuss marriage and babies yet, ok? I'm not saying those discussions won't happen at some point, but they aren't happening right now. They'll have their trials and tribulations to deal with. For those of you who disliked Johanna and Jim's segments in Apologize, they're still main characters here and they still have issues to deal with and they won't be ignored, so keep that in mind if you decide to read. If you see an error that you think I need to be made aware of, please send it to me in a PM instead of leaving it in a review, I prefer being corrected privately. I hope you'll all enjoy this next phase of our journey._

Chapter 1 – This Town

"_Hold on, until the feeling is so strong, that the ground that you walk on is where you stand" – Clare Bowen_

"No comment," Kate Beckett said firmly as she pushed her way through the reporters that had somehow found a way to follow her to her latest crime scene.

"What was it like to find out your mother had been lying to you for thirteen years?" one of them called after her as she strutted down the sidewalk in hopes of reaching her car as quickly as possible. She could hear Ryan and Esposito heading off the vultures, as she privately called the hordes of reporters that made it their business to make her life hell these days. Her ears took note of the heavy footsteps that fell into step along side her and she didn't have to look to know that Castle had slipped into place.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

She said nothing as she casually but quickly approached the driver's side of the car and jerked the door open and slipped inside. Castle slid into the passenger's seat and glanced at her as she put the key in the ignition. "No; I'm not okay," she answered. "I can't stand it. I don't know how you stand it."

He gave a shrug, "I'm used to media attention; it doesn't bother me."

"That's what I mean," she remarked; "How can you stand having these people in your business. How do you get used to it?"

He was quiet as he pondered the answer. "I think that when you choose a path in life that puts you in the public eye; you get used to it because you expected it, you signed up for it. I chose this life. You; on the other hand, didn't choose to be in the public eye. You were thrust into it...and being thrust into it makes you want to rebel against it; that's your nature."

"Is it wrong?" she asked.

"No...but they're not going to go away, Kate."

"They may as well; I'm not going to talk to them. I'm not giving interviews; I'm not doing photo-shoots. I just want to be left alone."

"I understand that; but maybe you should release a statement. It doesn't have to be anything profound or in depth. Just something small and maybe it will get them to ease up on you some."

"I made a statement," Kate replied.

He smiled indulgently; "No comment doesn't count."

"I'm not making a statement, Castle. They're not going to be satisfied with that. They want it all and I'm not giving it to them."

"I'm not saying that you have to give them everything; just give them a little something."

"Giving something will only make them want more," she said once again as she turned the key and started the engine.

"It was just a suggestion."

"I've taken your suggestion into consideration and decided to disregard it...but I still love you anyway."

He smiled; his hand falling to her knee and giving it a gentle squeeze. "That's good to know. I was afraid you'd accuse me of being on the other side."

"I know you're not on the other side."

"You do?"

She nodded as she shot a quick glance at him; "Yeah; you don't really have any choice but to be on my side."

"Is that so?" he asked; amusement coloring his tone.

"It is if you want to keep sleeping with me."

He laughed; "When you put it that way; you definitely shouldn't make a statement...unless the statement is to me and it involves the words 'ravish me now'."

"Ravish me now?" she laughed; "Have you been reading bodice rippers?"

"Of course not," he replied; "Rook just happens to be writing one in my current chapter."

"I hope he's not looking for that one to be a bestseller."

"I'm offended on Rook's behalf."

"Can I help it if Rook isn't the great writer that Richard Castle is?" she replied teasingly.

Her writer grinned; "I like how you did that, Detective; your flattery is clearly false but you said it such a way that I can convince myself that it's true."

"Ego stroking at it's finest," Kate remarked.

"I'm surprised you didn't write that on me with the Sharpie."

She shot him a grin; "I still could."

Castle smiled widely and was about to comment about what he might write on her but changed his mind as the precinct came into view. "We shouldn't discuss the Sharpies now."

"Why not?"

"Because we're here now...and I can't be that kind of excited here."

Kate laughed; "Good point. We'll put the Sharpie talk on hold."

"How about we go out to dinner tonight?" he asked.

"I'd love to," she answered as she parked; "But what about the media?"

"We were able to go out without detection the other night," he replied; "There's no reason that we can't have the same luck tonight."

"But what if we don't?"

"Kate; I know you worry about us being seen because of Gates, but you don't need to worry. We play the friend card for her. There's no law that says two friends can't go out to dinner together, is there?"

"No."

"And we can be careful while we're in public. We'll save the good stuff for when we're alone," he said; giving her an exaggerated leer.

She laughed; "You're right. I'm sorry; I know I'm..."

"You don't need to be sorry," he interrupted. "I know things aren't easy right now...and I have one other suggestion that might take a little pressure off of you."

"What?"

"They want a picture of you and your mother together."

"Castle," she sighed.

"Wait, hear me out," he said; holding up a hand to stop her words. "Let me take a picture of you and Johanna and tweet it. That way it's informal and it's on your terms...and maybe it will get them off her back too."

She reached for his hand and squeezed it, "I don't know, Rick."

"Just think about it, okay."

"Okay," she promised. "I'll think about it."

"Let me know when you're ready."

Kate smiled; "You're that sure I'm going to give in?"

He grinned; "You always give in to me eventually; you just can't help yourself."

She rolled her eyes but a smile touched her lips; "Let's get back to work."

* * *

><p>Johanna sighed as she sat cross legged on the bed and flipped channels; doing her best not to stop on news channels and talk shows. Avoiding those things limited the amount of options she had for entertainment, but finally she found a rerun of the Rockford Files. She dropped the remote onto the bed and tried to focus her attention on the show, but she heard her husband's footsteps on the stairs. "Are they still out there?" she asked as he entered the room.<p>

Jim nodded; "They're still camped out front."

She lowered her head and flicked a piece of lint from the knee of her black pants. She hated this. Why couldn't the media just leave them alone? She wasn't going to talk; didn't they get that yet?

"It's alright, Jo," Jim said as he sat down beside her and laid a hand on her leg, giving it a light squeeze.

"No it's not," she murmured. "I feel like the main attraction at the freak show."

Her husband smiled and brushed a kiss against her cheek. "You're too pretty to be in a freak show, sweetheart."

"Well I feel like I'm in one," Johanna replied as laid the remote on the nightstand and then shifted to lean back against her pillows.

Once the news had broke that she was alive, she had felt like she had gone on display. The neighbors stared and acted like she had the plague. The media was insistent with their demands for interviews, comments and photos, and they camped outside the house nearly every day, waiting for the moment when she would come outside. She frowned as she remembered the first time she had seen her face and Kate's splashed across newspapers and the television. It was difficult to pick up the pieces when you knew the whole world was watching you; waiting to see what you might do...or how you might screw up next.

Jim settled back against his own pillows and then glanced at his wife. "Are you going to hide up here again all day?"

"I'm not hiding," Johanna retorted; tension lacing her tone. "And even if I was, I don't do it all day."

"What do you call it then?" he asked. "The blinds are closed downstairs and the doors are locked. They can't get to you or see you."

She sighed; "I know...but I hate having the blinds closed during the daytime. It makes me feel closed in. I like the sun to come in and warm things up...but I can't risk leaving them open because god only knows what kind of privacy invading cameras they have. At least up here I can have the blinds open and know that no one can see me...and I know this doesn't make much sense but I feel safer here; less exposed."

"I understand," he replied as he dropped an arm around her. She was having a hard time with all of the attention upon her, and he figured it was best not to push the issue for now. She was right anyway; she wasn't upstairs the entire day. She did go downstairs to cook and clean and she had no problem spending the evenings in the living room. It was just the mornings and afternoons when she wanted to watch TV that she chose to retreat back upstairs to hide in their bedroom...and that was only on the days when the media was outside their door.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"For what?"

"For everything humanly possible," she answered; a soft humorless laugh escaping her lips.

He rubbed her arm, "I thought we already talked about that…and about how you don't have to keep apologizing."

"We did talk about it; but it didn't make me feel any better."

"You told me it did."

"The feeling was fleeting," she answered; not bothering to mention that she had only told him she felt better so they could drop the subject.

"We'll have to work on making that feeling permanent instead of fleeting."

Johanna moved closer and laid her head on his shoulder as her arm went around him. "Does this mean we aren't going out tonight?" she asked; bringing the topic back around to their unwanted guests outside.

He heard a note of hopefulness in her voice and he wasn't sure if she was hoping that they were or hoping that they weren't. She still suffered from a small amount of anxiety any time they left the house and he noticed that if she could avoid going, she would…especially now with the media after her. He didn't want her to live with the constant fear that she wouldn't get to come home if she left the house for an hour or two and he had been making it a point to take her to dinner at least once a week, and to drag her out to do errands as often as he could.

"Which are you hoping for?" he asked; his tone alluding to the fact that he knew that she was most likely hoping to stay in.

"Either way is fine with me," she answered.

"I have a feeling one scenario is more fine than the other."

"It's not so bad to want to stay home."

"It is when you want to do it all the time. I know you're afraid but..."

"I'm not afraid," she interrupted; although she deep inside she knew she that was still a little afraid every time she had to walk out the door.

"Jo," he said; his tone saying everything without the need for words.

She closed her eyes, "I know, it's stupid."

"It's not stupid; it's just something we have to keep working on."

"Maybe I need my own car," she commented. She felt like she might be able to get over her fear faster if she was able to go out when the urge struck her. She also wanted to get over the fear of leaving the house and going by herself. She felt like if she could conquer that, than maybe all of her anxieties about leaving her home would abate and she could get back to normal.

"You don't need a car," Jim remarked.

"But when we were in Wyoming, you said I could bring my car with me, and when I said I'd rather get a new one once I got home, you said I could."

"I know, but I don't think you need to be out on your own right now."

She frowned, "I need a car, Jim. The other day, I wanted to go to the store to get a few things and you weren't home. I could've gone if I had my own car. Maybe I'd get over this thing faster if I had a little more independence."

Jim squeezed her shoulder; he was battling his own fears and he wasn't ready to let her go anywhere alone just yet. "Sweetheart, we'll get you over this. You don't need a car right now. Maybe when things settle down."

She released a weighted breath; "Jim, the only way either one of us is going to feel better about this is if I make myself walk out the door and get in the car and drive myself to the store or to Macy's or even to Katie's and then come back...all on my own."

He pressed a kiss against her hair. "No, Johanna. I'm not letting you go out alone. We're going to go out tonight as planned...and if we're followed, we'll just do what we've been doing. We'll ignore it and keep walking."

"Okay," she replied; resigning herself to the idea of going out; but the thought was in her mind that he was going to hang on to her a little too tight. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate his protectiveness of her; she did and loved him for it. She also knew that he harbored his own fears about letting her go out on her own and she understood and respected those fears...in a lot of ways they were probably very similar to her own. But if he held on too tight, it wasn't going to help her and eventually it would become an issue between them. For now, she would drop it, she thought as she remained cuddled against him. Why borrow trouble when she already had plenty out on the sidewalk.

* * *

><p>As they entered the bullpen, Castle detoured to the break room to take a call and Kate headed to her desk.<p>

"Beckett," Esposito said minutes later as he approached her.

She glanced up at him, "You couldn't have found something this fast unless the killer came in and confessed."

He smirked; "We're not that lucky."

"That's what I thought," she replied as Ryan stepped into place beside his partner. "So since we don't have a confession, what is it?"

The boys shared a look, silently asking each other if they really wanted to broach this subject. Chances were she wouldn't like what they were going to suggest.

"Guys," Kate prodded.

"We were thinking," Esposito began and then trailed off.

Kate eyed them; "That's almost as dangerous as when Castle thinks," she quipped; trying to ease the tension she could feel growing. They clearly had something on their minds and it wasn't case related. "What's this about?"

"About this media presence in your life," Ryan stated as he picked up the dialogue.

Her brow rose; "What about it?"

Ryan gave Esposito a subtle nod and look that seemed to convey the sentiment, "Your turn."

"Well we know how much of a nuisance it is for you when they find you at crime scenes," Esposito continued. "And we were thinking that if you wanted to hang back and lay low here at the precinct for awhile until things calm down, that we could handle the crime scenes."

She shook her head; "Why would I want to do that?"

"Because no matter where we go, they seem to find you somehow," Ryan remarked; "And we know it's distracting and...we just thought maybe it would be better for you to stay here for awhile."

Kate glanced away for a moment, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. This intrusion into her life was an intrusion into their lives as well, she thought to herself. They were growing tired of having to chase off reporters for her while trying to do their jobs at the same time. It was unfair to them and suddenly she felt like a burden...and that wasn't a feeling she enjoyed.

"Guys, I'm sorry about all of this and how you've gotten dragged into it. It's an annoyance we don't need, but it's my problem, not yours and from now on, I'm going to handle it. You just do your jobs...and I'm going to do mine, they aren't going to stop me."

Esposito and Ryan had a feeling that they had been misunderstood. It wasn't a problem to shoo away the pests; it was her safety that concerned them. The two men had discussed this worry more than once as neither of them trusted Bracken, despite the fact that he was behind bars. He still had power; he still had people willing to do his bidding...like his brother Adam.

Adam Bracken was a pompous windbag; confident in his idea that he'd be able to free his brother...and therefore become a hero in his own right. In Esposito's opinion, Adam Bracken was akin to a cockroach; and he didn't doubt for a moment that the man would do anything his brother asked. Ryan had agreed with that assessment and their main concern was that an assassin could masquerade as a reporter and get close enough to her to carry out a vendetta. Bracken would most likely want revenge, and neither man felt that Bracken's quest to see the Beckett women dead had been quelled. They felt that if revenge was in the air, that Beckett was the likely target. Killing Beckett would be revenge against her herself...but killing her would also serve as the best form of revenge against Johanna.

Ryan and Esposito didn't share this theory with her, nor would they. There was a chance that it was completely unfounded and a product of their own paranoia. They didn't want to worry her more than she already was...because she didn't fool either one of them for a minute. They had worked together too long, they knew her too well. She was worried; about what exactly, they weren't sure, but it was there and they were on alert in regard to her worry and theirs. They just wanted to help keep her safe.

"Listen," Esposito stated his tone low and serious; "I don't have a problem telling these creeps to take their cameras and get lost. I could do that all day long. Hell, if I could, I'd fire a few shots at them. Just like when your mom called the other day; we went over there and told them to get the hell off her lawn. No problem..."

"Wait," Kate said; holding up a hand. "My mother called you?"

"Yeah; she said your dad wasn't home and that she figured since they saw him leave that they thought they'd be brave and inch their way up to the door."

"Why didn't she call the police?" Kate asked.

Esposito and Ryan gave her affronted looks. "She did," Ryan stated; "She called us."

"You're in homicide; not crowd control and trespassing."

"Well if we had gone over there and someone was trying to get through that door at her, there would've been a homicide," Esposito stated; "Because I would've shot them, so we would've ended up there anyway."

"Besides," Ryan remarked; "We'd rather she call us than someone else. At least if it's us, we know the job is getting done and that she's fine."

Kate smiled; "She didn't tell me about this...but I appreciate that you went over there and took care of things."

"We have her back," Esposito stated; "Just like we have yours."

"Thank you," she said sincerely.

"I just remembered something," Ryan said. "We weren't supposed to tell you that she called...that's why she didn't mention it to you."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that," his partner responded before looking back at Beckett. "You didn't hear any of this from us."

She rolled her eyes; "Why wasn't I supposed to know?"

"She doesn't want you to worry."

Kate rubbed her fingers across her forehead and then eyed them; "She fed you, didn't she?"

Ryan smiled; "It was a reward."

"A reward?"

"Yeah," Esposito answered. "We got rid of the reporters, made sure her doors and windows were secure; made sure that her gun was loaded and promised not to tell you or your dad anything about it. On the way out, she handed us a box of freshly baked cookies."

"Don't tell her we told you," Ryan commented.

Kate smirked; "Oh I won't; I wouldn't want to cut off your cookie supply."

"We appreciate that," Esposito replied.

A thought occurred to her then and she had to voice it. "Did my mother put you up to this idea of me staying at my desk instead of going to crime scenes?"

"No," both men answered; and sincerity rang in both their voices. "That's our idea," Ryan told her. "We just thought it might be best; we don't want you to get hurt because they're distracting you."

"You could just lay low for awhile," Esposito said once again; "We could handle the crime scene; and Castle could be here with you..."

"What, like my babysitter?" she asked; sudden annoyance flaring in her veins.

"No; it's not like that...it was just something to think about," he replied.

Kate shook her head; "No. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to hide at my desk and let you two do all of the work while Castle baby-sits me. It's not happening. I appreciate the concern but I'm not changing my life because of this. I can handle it; I'm not distracted, I'm not going to get hurt. I'm fine...and this discussion is closed. Now let's get to work; Ryan, get that security footage screened. Esposito, start digging into financials."

They both gave a nod and walked away; they had known all long it would end up this way, but at least they had tried.

"What was that all about?" Castle asked as he settled into his chair.

"They want to chain me to my desk with you as my babysitter until the media backs off," she replied; her jaw tight with tension. "That's not happening."

"I figured that."

She glanced at him; "What? Do you agree with them? Do you think I need to hide out here because some jackass with a camera might spot me?"

Castle shook his head; "No, not at all. Don't think about it if it's going to upset you. Think about dinner tonight instead."

The thought brought a smile to her lips; "I'm looking forward to it."

"Good; now just keep focusing on that and forget about that little invasion at the crime scene. You don't have to worry about that here."

She gave a nod and took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly; focusing her mind back on her job. She had a case to solve and a date later; that was plenty to think about.

* * *

><p>Johanna fussed with a strand of hair as she stood in front of the mirror that evening; finally finagling it into place and then fiddled with the diamond encrusted heart pendent that hung around her neck. Her stomach was in knots; as it always was when she thought about leaving the safety of home. An arm slipped around her waist; pulling her from her thoughts as she caught sight of Jim's reflection in the mirror as he stood behind her.<p>

"You look beautiful," he stated, his voice close to her ear.

A small smile touched her lips, "You think so?"

Her husband nodded; his fingers gently fisting the soft burgundy material of her dress. "I like this."

"You'll wrinkle the material," she admonished lightly; prying his fingers loose from her dress.

"I don't mind," he quipped as he brushed his lips against her temple.

"I'm sure you don't mind; you wouldn't be the one looking unkempt."

Jim chuckled as he pressed a kiss against her neck, "I prefer your hair down, but having it up does have its advantages," he remarked; another kiss landing against her skin.

"Oh, and what would that be?"

"I don't have to waste time brushing it out of the way."

She smiled and turned towards him; her hand sliding against his chest before she looped her arms around his neck. "Do you want to stay home?" she asked; a suggestive lilt in her voice.

He caught her lips in a kiss, "That's a very appealing offer but the rule has always been that on date nights, I have to buy you dinner first."

Johanna shrugged; "Rules are made for breaking."

"Nice try, sweetheart."

She frowned slightly, "So you don't want to stay home with me? I'll let you wrinkle my dress."

"I'll wrinkle it later," he promised. "Are you ready?"

She nodded and slipped out of his arms; picking up her evening bag from the dresser. "I guess so. Are they still out there?"

"No; no one's around. I think they gave up on us for today."

"We've thought that before."

Jim brushed a hand along her back. "It's going to be fine. I don't see anyone around out front. The car is out back, we can take the long way around to get out of the neighborhood just in case someone is lurking somewhere."

She blew out a breath, "Okay."

"Do you have your glasses?" Jim asked with a nod towards her purse.

"I'm pretty sure I put them in there," she replied.

"Check and see."

She smirked at him as she opened her bag; "I guess this means you don't want to read the menu to me again."

Her husband laughed; "You accused me of making half of it up."

"You were!" she exclaimed. "I can squint well enough in candlelight to tell that much."

"I couldn't resist teasing you a little," he admitted as she pulled the red case that held her glasses from her purse and opened it to see if they were inside.

"I have them," she stated; closing the case and shoving it back into her bag.

"Good; I don't like to see you squint. You're going to make your eyes worse."

Johanna smirked at him; "Thanks for the lecture, Mom."

"Hey, let's not get insulting," he retorted in mock defense; giving her a gentle swat against her backside as she walked away.

She threw him a sassy look over her shoulder, "Fine; then keep your hand off my ass. You haven't bought me dinner yet."

Jim laughed and hurried to catch up with her; wrapping an arm around her waist as they descended the stairs. "Now let's not forget that lovely evening we had after your sister's wedding when you told me that I could put my hand anywhere I wanted. You didn't mention anything about buying you dinner first that night."

"I guess not, I was drunk. Besides, you're the one that said it had been the rule. I offered to break to the rule, but you declined...deals off and now you must buy dinner," she stated as he held out her jacket for her to slip into.

"I believe that's also what you told me about your proposal from that night," he recalled.

Johanna sighed; "You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

Jim shook his head, "It isn't likely."

"That's what I thought."

"Ready?" he asked; holding out his hand to her once they had made the trek to the back door. She took a deep breath to quell her nerves as she slipped her hand into his.

He watched her intently from the corner of his eye as he made sure the door locked behind them. Her hesitation before stepping outside the door had been a mere split second, which was an improvement as she usually found some way to stall.

As she stood on the porch next to him, her gaze darted around; scanning the area for cameras or reporters or anyone else who just wanted to get a look at her. "No one's here," he said quietly as he retook her hand and guided her to the car.

"I'm sorry," she murmured while he opened the passenger side door for her.

"Don't be. I know it makes you uneasy. I look around more now too; but you don't need to worry. I'm not going to let anyone get to you, Jo."

She gave him a smile; hating herself for being as skittish as a kitten when it came to going out in public now that world knew of her existence. She thought the fear would go away once Bracken was sitting behind bars...but it still lingered; and it took on new faces and roles. She was still afraid that something would come along and take her away from home and her family again; and that fear could feel suffocating at times. She just needed to try harder, she thought as buckled her seatbelt while Jim settled into the driver's seat.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she smiled. "Let's go."

He could hear the slight undertone of anxiety in her voice but he allowed it to pass without comment. She was putting on her brave face...he couldn't ask her to take it off. It was just going to take a little time for her to adjust. Thirteen years spent living a lie and among people who didn't know you wasn't freedom; and added to that were the months she had spent locked away in Kate's apartment out of necessity. Of course she was going to be nervous and apt to want to stay in. She just had to re-learn how to have her freedom to come and go as she pleased...and to know that she was going to be returning home every day.

She just needed time and patience, Jim thought to himself as he cast a quick glance at her while she fiddled with the radio. He would help her, she would be just fine once she felt secure again...and making her feel secure was his top priority.

* * *

><p>"This place is beautiful," Kate commented; her gaze darting around the restaurant that Castle had selected.<p>

"It's one of the finest in New York," he replied. "I also happen to have a friend and fan in Renaldo, who happens to be the manager here."

"Is that how you were able to get a last minute reservation?"

Castle nodded; "I never hesitate to work a connection."

"I know; and you seem to have connections just about everywhere."

"It comes in handy," he replied. "Like tonight. I've wanted to wine and dine you in all of New York's finest restaurants since the day we met."

Kate glanced at him from over her menu. "I don't know about that. I think you only wanted to have dinner with me back then because you wanted us to 'debrief' each other afterwards."

He grinned; "I thought that would appeal to your law enforcement sensibilities."

"No it just made me think you were a jackass," she quipped.

"But a loveable one, right?"

She shook her head, "No, it took awhile before I came to that conclusion."

Castle scoffed, "Oh come now; you know you loved me at first sight."

"First sight?" she laughed. "I don't think so."

"You know you felt something."

"Yeah, I did. It was annoyance."

"It was love masquerading as annoyance," he told her.

"Can love masquerade as annoyance?" she asked.

"Obviously it can," he answered. "Here we are...together...by choice and without any threats of violence."

"Who would've thought it?" she remarked.

"I did of course; right from the beginning. I knew I'd wear you down...make you give in to those urges I knew you were feeling."

Kate smirked at him. "You know the night's still young. There could still be an act of violence."

"I don't think there will be," he laughed; his eyes gleaming with amusement. "But I do intend for us to have a debriefing later."

"You do, huh?"

"Absolutely."

"Guess we'll have to see about that," she responded.

"I guess we will, and it will give me one more victory to mark in my book."

Her brow rose, "You have a book of victories?"

Castle glanced at her, "It's a metaphorical book."

"I wouldn't put it past you to have a real one; after all, you do keep track of things like who saved whose life more often."

"I swear I don't have one; although now I kind of wish I did. Did you like the movie?"

"I did," Kate replied. "You must've enjoyed it too; I didn't hear a peep out of you the whole time."

"Disappointed?" he asked.

"Surprised. You usually want to give me commentary."

"I'll make sure you have commentary for the next one," he promised.

"You did like it, didn't you?"

"Yeah, it was great."

"I guess we did things backwards tonight," Kate remarked. "Usually the movie comes after dinner."

"There's no harm in shaking things up," he replied; "Besides, it was less crowded."

"That's true."

"I guess the only draw back of going before dinner is that we couldn't gorge ourselves on popcorn."

She smiled; "Well next time we'll do things in the right order. What was that call you got when we got back to the precinct?"

"It was Paula; about a book signing in LA."

"Are you going to do it?"

"Yeah, I don't have much choice," he answered.

"When is it?"

"In two weeks."

"When were you planning on telling me?" Kate asked.

"Tonight...or tomorrow."

She laughed softly; "Castle, you don't have to act like you're afraid to tell me these things. I know you have to be away sometimes; I mean we've been through this before."

"Yeah, but we weren't together then...and I hate to leave you; especially now with everything that's going on."

She smiled softly and rubbed his hand. "I'll be okay...and you'll call me every chance you get, right?"

"You know I will," he replied; "And you're more than welcome to stay at the loft while I'm gone."

"That's okay; I can go back to my place while you're gone."

"You should stay at the loft; Mother will be there...you know, because she pledged never to leave me after we dropped Alexis off at her dorm room. I'm sure she'd love it if you stayed."

"She might want some time alone with you away and Alexis at Columbia."

He shook his head, "Martha Rodgers doesn't like being alone too often. She'd love the company. Besides, since Gates saw that picture of you leaving the loft early that one morning and you told her you were staying in my guest room because my building was more secure against the press. Staying there with Mother while I'm away might be a good way of convincing her that your story is the truth. I have noticed her watching us more closely."

"I know," she replied. "That's why I want us to be so careful in public. I figure if she doesn't see any evidence, she can't prove anything and I did mention that Martha lives with you when I was lying to her about where exactly I sleep."

"I know, and I think that mentioning Mother helped our story. So I think you need to consider it, not just for that reason, but also because you are better protected at my place."

He made valid points and she couldn't argue with them. "I'll think about it."

"Good."

It grew quiet for a minute and then she caught his eye. "I'll miss you," she said softly.

"I'll miss you too," he replied. "But you don't have to miss me yet; we still have tonight and plenty more nights before our brief separation."

Kate nodded; she wouldn't think about it right now. For now, she'd just enjoy.

* * *

><p>"I feel like people are staring at me," Johanna said quietly as she looked over her menu.<p>

"They're not," Jim assured; although as his gaze darted around the room, he did notice a few people looking towards their table. He prayed that they didn't recognize them from the newspapers and television…he prayed even harder that if they did recognize them, that someone wouldn't call and tip off the press about their whereabouts. They hadn't been followed as far as he had been able to tell and he was hoping this trip would go much smoother than the last.

"It sure does feel like they are," his wife commented softly.

He smiled at her, "Sweetheart, the only person staring at you is me and I don't intend to stop; but you should be used to that by now."

Her lips curved upwards in a soft smile. "As long as it's you, I don't mind. I just don't like other people doing it…which of course makes me sound like your mother and that's not a nice thought to live with."

"Just think of it this way, your reasons are different than hers were so it's not the same at all."

Johanna thought about that for a moment and then nodded; "I think I can live with that."

"Good; I wouldn't want it keeping you up all night."

She smirked at him but it faded to a frown as she pulled off her reading glasses. "I hate having to wear glasses."

"I don't see why," Jim replied. "You don't have to wear them all the time; and besides, I think you look cute with them on."

"Well I think they make me look old."

He shook his head, "You're still as beautiful as you were the day I met you."

Johanna laughed softly; "I wish that was true."

"It is," her husband insisted.

She didn't have a chance to comment as the waiter appeared to take their orders and once he disappeared, Jim picked up their conversation.

"Do you remember the first time I took you to dinner?"

Johanna swallowed the sip of water she had taken and then sat the glass aside. "Dating, just friends, or business wise?"

He chuckled softly, "I meant the first time ever."

She nodded; "We had dinner together because of a case that I was assigned to work on with you. We went to that little diner that wasn't far from the office. I think we spent a total of twenty minutes discussing the case and the rest of the time we spent talking about everything else."

"What can I say, you fascinated me," Jim replied.

She smiled; "I was fascinated too...I still am."

"That's good to know," her husband answered as he took her hand and gazed into her eyes. "How long had we known each other at that point?"

"Three months," she responded; "And I'm sure the employees at that diner felt like we lingered for three months at that table."

He laughed quietly. "We always did have a habit of lingering."

Her fingers moved against his in an intimate caress as she held his gaze. "I've always enjoyed lingering with you," she told him; her tone soft and loving.

He brought her hand to his lips and pressed a tender kiss against her smooth skin. "In that case, we'll linger at every given opportunity."

"You won't hear any complaints from me," Johanna replied softly; her troubles temporarily forgotten.

* * *

><p>As Kate was making her way back from the bathroom, she saw that Castle was in discussion with the manager as he remained seated at their table. She knew that he was friends with the man but the conversation looked serious and it put her on edge as she retook her chair.<p>

"Is there a problem?" she asked as she caught Castle's eye.

"Not a problem per say," he answered.

"But there is something wrong?" Kate remarked as she regarded him with a raised brow.

He hesitated for the merest of seconds before answering her. "Renaldo has spotted a few reporters and photographers outside...now that doesn't necessarily mean they're waiting for us. It could be anyone."

"But with the way my luck runs, the chances of that are slim, right?" Kate replied.

He gave her a sheepish look; "We can always hope."

She sighed deeply; this was already getting old. "How did they find us? I kept checking for a tail on our way here and I didn't see anything."

"I don't know, Kate. One of my fans might've spotted me and tweeted where I was and that I was with someone. Someone in here could be a member of the press and sent a tip to their newsroom that we're here or someone could've recognized you or both of us and posted it online while waiting for their meal. It could've happened in any number of ways."

Kate's studious gaze flicked to the silent Renaldo. "It wouldn't have been a member of your staff, would it?"

"Of course not!" the man exclaimed in a hushed voice. "My staff is aware that we cater to a high profile clientele and they are well versed in our privacy policies. They know the penalty for breaking it."

That might be, she thought to herself; but that didn't mean a member of the staff wouldn't try to line their pockets by calling in a few tips to the tabloids and newspapers about the evenings guests.

"Kate...I hate to say this but it's just going to keep happening as long as you stay silent. By refusing to give them anything, you make the chase of you all the more appealing," Castle stated gently. "You're a challenge...if you take away some of their motivation, they won't think you're worth the hassle."

"Castle; we've already been over this. I'm not talking."

"Then give them the picture and see if it helps."

"If you wish, Miss," Renaldo stated; anxious to help now that his restaurant had been accused of tipping off the media; "You and Mr. Castle are more than welcome to leave by the back entrance."

Another weighted breath passed through her lips as her eyes closed in irritation. Was this what her life was being reduced to? Sneaking out back doors, hiding her face behind her hand or a folder, having her team feel that she was better off at her desk. It felt so wrong in so many ways. She didn't want to hide...that was her mother's game. She didn't want to emerge once or twice a week and hide behind sunglasses while she did it like Johanna Beckett was. She didn't want to hide...if she did that; she'd feel like she was letting them win.

"No," she stated. "I'm not going to creep out the back door like some thief in the night."

"Are you sure?" Castle asked; "Because it's not a problem if you want to go out the back."

"No," she said firmly; "I'm not doing that. Pay the check and let's go. We're going out the front door like everyone else. I don't have anything to hide."

Castle eyed her; studying the stubborn set of her jaw as he debated whether he should try to talk her out of it. He decided against it, her mind was mad up and fighting her on it would only make her angry and their evening would be shot to hell as she'd feel the need for space.

"Okay," he said with a nod as he pulled his wallet from his pocket and paid the amount on the check that was already on the table.

As they walked away from the table, his hand fell to the small of her back. "Are you ready for this?"

She took a deep breath and expelled it slowly; "As ready as I ever am." The flash of a camera went off as soon as they pushed through the door, and the throng of voices shouting questions sounded immediately there after.

Castle shifted; shielding her somewhat as he smiled widely. "Guys, I know the new book is awesome but this is a little much."

"We don't want to talk about the book," one of the reporter's yelled.

"You haven't read Frozen Heat?" he asked in mock offense. "Do you want me to send you a copy? I can autograph it."

"We want to hear from Detective Beckett," someone else yelled.

"Okay," he said; "Kate, how did you feel about Frozen Heat?"

She smiled; she knew what he was doing and she appreciated it. "It was fantastic; I loved it," she answered.

"There you go," Castle said as they kept walking; "A glowing endorsement from the woman who inspired it. It doesn't get better than that."

"Are you two dating?" a reporter called out.

Castle laughed, "Why would you think that?"

"You just had dinner together at an upscale restaurant; that screams date night."

"I heard no screaming," he answered; "And besides, can't a man just treat a friend to a nice meal? She works hard, she puts up with me; which is no easy feat, she deserves to be spoiled once in awhile."

"Detective Beckett, when are we going to see you with your mother?"

"Do you hate her for what she's done?"

"How did it feel to take down someone as big as Senator Bracken?"

"Do you really think he'll be convicted?"

"Don't you have anything to say about this?" one of them asked as they approached the waiting town car.

She turned to look at them; "Yeah, I do have something to say."

A hush fell over the small crowd as they waited for her statement. Kate smiled as she regarded them coolly; "No comment," she stated and then she climbed into the back of the car; the disgruntled groans of reporters and the flash of cameras following her.

Castle grinned and bit back a laugh as he faced the crowd. "Are you guys sure you don't want to talk about the book?"

"No!"

"Come on, it's a bestseller," he exclaimed. "Anyone want an autograph?"

They began to disburse and move away and as they did so, he yelled after them; "Fine, be that way, but just know that the mean reporters in my next book are based on all of you!"

Kate was laughing softly as he settled in the back seat with her and she looked at him with love in her eyes. "Thanks, Castle."

He covered her hand, his thumb caressing her skin intimately. He wanted to kiss her so badly but he didn't dare, not knowing if a photographer was lurking somewhere and might get a shot of them. "No problem; if I can deflect them away from you, I will."

"I appreciate it."

"I know. Do you want to go out for a drink or would you rather go back to the loft and have a drink there...and then you could stay," he added; fearing she might suddenly need space and demand to be taken to her own place after all.

She smiled; "You say that like I haven't been spending most of my nights with you."

"I was just re-enforcing the knowledge that the welcome mat is still out...right at the foot of my bed."

"My plans haven't changed, Castle. I'm going home with you. As for the drink...maybe it would be best to have one at home. They'll probably be on the lookout for us now and I really don't want to go through that again tonight."

He gave a nod and leaned forward in the seat to speak to his trusted driver; telling him to take the long way plus a few detours on the way home in effort to lose anyone who might try to follow.

As the car pulled away from the curb, Kate squeezed Castle's hand. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I know you were hoping for our night out to be more than what it was."

He shook his head and dropped an arm around her, "Hey, you don't need to be sorry. We had a wonderful dinner together and I'm thankful for that and now we're going home together...as long as the night is us being together, than it's perfect and nothing else matters."

She laid her head on his shoulder; "It's frustrating though to feel like we have to go home...and I know, we don't necessarily have to, we could take our chances, but...they make me not want to take the chance and that makes me feel like I'm not being fair to you."

"Kate, I get it and it's fine. Did you have a nice time at dinner?"

"Yeah."

"Then the night was a success. Don't let it bother you, okay?"

She nodded; but she was still bothered; how could she not be?

* * *

><p>As they stopped to pay the bill on their way out, Jim glanced towards the glass doors and studied the people lingering outside of it. He saw a camera and tensed; it might not be what he thought. It very well could be a tourist or just someone who had been out taking pictures for some reason…but why would either be lingering outside of this restaurant…looking through the glass as if they were waiting for someone. It had to be some sensationalist journalist, and he used the term journalist loosely. One of the staring patrons must've recognized them and tipped off the press after all. Couldn't they just leave them alone? He squeezed Johanna's hand and she glanced at him, offering him a soft smile even as her eyes silently proclaimed, "I told you so" before disappearing behind the sunglasses she had fished out of her purse while they were at the table.<p>

A flash went off as soon as they stepped outside the restaurant and Johanna's body instantly filled with tension as she clung to Jim's hand. A small group of people converged on them and they walked faster, trying to get to the car as quickly as possible. Jim gently shifted them away from the center of the sidewalk; positioning Johanna so her unoccupied side was nearly brushing the fronts of buildings they passed and therefore keeping anyone from falling into step beside her. She tried so very hard to keep her composure, to act as though she couldn't hear the words that started hitting her ears as soon as they had stepped away from the restaurant.

"_Mrs. Beckett, where were you for those 13 years?"_

"_Didn't it bother you to know that your family was being told you were dead?"_

"_How were you able to just carry on with your life?"_

"_If you knew the case you were working on involved corruption, why didn't you go to the authorities right away?"_

"_Why did you come back now?"_

"_Don't you feel any remorse for ruining a man's life?"_

"_Are you ever going to speak?"_

That was rich, Johanna thought to herself. Why the hell would she have remorse for the man who ruined _her _life and the lives of _her _family?

"_How does the rest of your family feel about what you've done?"_

"_Have they forgiven you?"_

"_Are you estranged from your daughter? She's never been seen with you?"_

"_Does she hate you for lying to her?"_

The questions kept bouncing off of her like ping pong balls as she pressed herself as close to Jim as possible while still being able to walk. They were too close to her; breathing down her neck, making her feel like they were sucking all of the air from her body. Jim released her hand and wrapped his arm protectively around her waist; allowing her to meld into his side as she lowered her head. She hoped the trembling of her hands wasn't noticeable, nor the feeling of anxiety that was making her chest feel tight as flashes continued to go off around them.

Their words kept filling her ears; sounding far off as she tried to remind herself to breath properly.

"_How do you feel about Adam Bracken saying that you and your daughter are nothing but lying bitches and he intends to sue you both along with the city for defaming his brother with these malicious charges?"_

She felt Jim stiffen and she dug her fingers into his side, silently begging him not to respond; it would only make things worse, but they wouldn't let up…more words filled the air, blending together in her mind as she struggled to hold it together.

"She's not the criminal," she heard Jim's voice saying. "So why don't you all back off of her and my daughter and go harass the man responsible for all of it?"

His response only egged them on as they approached the car. Jim kept a hold on her as he shifted her so that she was between him and the car, keeping her shielded as he reached around her and unlocked the door for her. He opened the door and carefully ushered her into the car while still keeping her shielded from the vultures who insisted on hounding them. Once she was settled into her seat, he hit the lock and shut the door.

"What kind of man takes back a woman who lied to him for 13 years and caused so much chaos?" a reporter yelled as Jim rounded the car to the drivers side.

Anger flooded his veins and he turned to face the pack of wolves; because that's what they reminded him of. "The kind of man who loves his wife and is grateful that she was saved from the fate that some vile, cold blooded bastard saw fit to plan for her. I love my wife; nothing will ever change that and I'm thankful that she's alive and back home where she belongs. Now that's all you need to know. Leave us alone," he stated as he opened the car door which Johanna had unlocked for him, and slid into the driver's seat amid the glare of camera flashes.

Jim started the car and pulled away, the cameras still clicking in a frenzy as a few voices still persisted in calling out. He glanced toward Johanna, she was silent and still in the passenger seat, her head still lowered. When he stopped for a red light, he laid a hand on her knee. "It's alright, Johanna."

She covered his hand with hers and raised her head, pulling off her sunglasses as she did so. "I want to go home," she said softly.

Jim had hoped that after dinner they would find something else to do in the city to keep them out awhile longer, but now that the media had found them, it didn't seem like a good idea. They didn't need a second encounter tonight. He gave her knee a light squeeze, "We're going home, sweetheart."

Johanna's throat tightened, it wasn't supposed to be this way. They were supposed to be getting on with their lives. They were supposed to be doing all of those things they had dreamed of while sitting in Kate's apartment, waiting for the day when they'd be free. Their date nights were supposed to be romantic; not filled with the fear of who might be waiting outside for them. Their days were supposed to be spent in any way they saw fit; not hiding behind closed blinds and curtains. This was supposed to be their time…their continued rebuilding of their relationship as they made up for all they had been robbed of. She was supposed to have peace now…oh she was better off than she had been; that was for sure…but in so many ways, she was still a hostage. It wasn't fair; she hadn't committed the crimes but she was paying for it…and she felt like she had already paid for it far more than she should've ever had to.

A soft cry broke free against her will; the tears tumbling down her cheeks in rapid succession. It felt like this was never going to end.

"Don't cry, sweetheart," Jim said quietly. "Please don't cry."

"I'm sorry," she murmured as she tried to regain her composure.

He shook his head and hazarded a quick glance at her as he made the turn that carried them into the quieter part of the city. "You don't have to apologize for it…I just feel helpless when you cry. I always want to fix what's wrong…and sometimes I don't know how."

"Neither do I," she sniffed. "But just know that I'm always fine as long as I'm with you. Just being here with me is all you ever have to do to fix things."

"Being with you is something I can promise; it just doesn't always feel like enough when something hurts you."

"It is," his wife insisted as she laid her hand over his as it gripped the steering wheel; "Because you've always been everything that's right and good in my life. No one can take that feeling from me."

He gave her a small smile at that declaration and she returned it with one of her own. She meant every word, no one could take that feeling from her…no matter how many stones they threw, and yet, she couldn't exactly shake the bad feelings that this new phase brought. It still felt like someone somewhere was still trying to take something from her and she hated that feeling.

* * *

><p>Martha was seated on the couch with a glass of wine when Castle and Kate returned home. "I didn't expect to see the two of you back so soon," she commented. "Is something wrong?"<p>

"We weren't as lucky this time as the last time," Castle answered as he poured a drink for himself and Kate. "We were spotted."

Martha's gaze slid towards Kate and she smiled sympathetically. "Darling, I'm so sorry you have to go through this."

"Thanks, Martha," she replied as she carried her drink to the sofa and sat down.

Castle followed and took the chair, his gaze flicking towards the TV. "The news, Mother? That's not one of your usual viewing preferences. Did you get arrested and you're waiting to see your mug shot on television?"

Martha smirked at him; "No; I'm saving that publicity stunt for next month when my show opens."

"Good thinking; Lindsay Lohan style publicity is just thing to boost ticket sales," he replied wryly.

Kate laughed softly as the actress eyed her son. "For your information, Richard; I just like to be informed about what's going on in the world."

"Since when?"

The redhead looked to Kate. "Darling, are you sure you want to put up with him?"

She laughed; "Well I've been doing it for this long, why stop now?"

"You're a brave soul," Martha replied. "As for you, Richard; since being informed involves the people I care about, I make it a point to tune in."

"The people you care about?"

Martha sighed in exasperation. "You, Kate, Johanna. If I waited on you to tell me everything I needed to know, I wouldn't know much of anything."

"Now that's not true," he retorted.

"Shhh," Kate shushed as Adam Bracken's face appeared on the screen.

Martha and Castle fell silent as they listened to the man issue his usual spiel about his brother's innocence and about how we was going to sue everyone from the police department to the state of New York and everyone in between. As a post script, he looked into the camera and added, "_And I want Kate and Johanna Beckett thoroughly investigated."_

"Great," Kate said sarcastically as the news changed stories.

"It's nothing to worry about," Castle said. "You don't have anything to hide…do you?"

"No; but that doesn't mean they won't make something up."

"He's just running his mouth, Kate. Nothing will come of it. Like I said, you have nothing to hide and you'll be able to disprove any claim he makes. I'm sure the same goes for your mother. She doesn't have anything to hide, does she?"

Kate regarded him with an arched brow; "You mean anything besides what we've already dealt with?"

That statement made him hesitate and he moved forward with caution. "Yeah…besides that."

"I should hope not," she answered; "But god only knows."

Martha laid a hand on her wrist, drawing Kate's gaze to her kind blue eyes. "Kate; don't let this make you doubt everything you know about your mother. I'm sure that there's nothing that's cause for concern."

She gave a nod as she shoved a hand through her hair. She supposed that it might've been unfair of her to think that way in regard to her mother. She hadn't been the type of lawyer who took bribes or threw cases or picked her clients on the basis of what regard their case could bestow upon her. Before Pulgotti, Johanna Beckett had lived a normal, honest life, where her only lies appeared to be about how a dent got put in the car and how much a certain pair of shoes really cost. She hadn't lied when she said she forgave her mother for the lies she had to tell to stay alive. She did forgive her, she understood, she loved her, and she was grateful that she was alive and well. But sometimes…sometimes she still felt that raw edge of anger simmering deep inside of her.

"It's going to be alright," Martha said soothingly. "You'll see."

Kate allowed a small smile to touch her lips as her gaze flicked back to the other woman's face. "I know…I'm just not used to this."

"Hopefully it won't be this way for long, kiddo."

Castle picked up the cue to change the topic and while Kate participated in the conversation as much as she could, her distraction and downturn of mood was obvious.

* * *

><p>Awhile later, after Martha had gone to bed and left them alone, Castle glanced towards his pensive girlfriend and asked "Would you like another drink?"<p>

His voice broke her reverie and she nodded; "Yeah; but not too much."

He took her glass and refilled it to her specifications and then carried it back to her; joining her on the sofa as he did so. He waited until she had taken a sip and then he dropped a hand onto her thigh; his thumb beginning a lazy caress of the area.

"Anything else I can get you?" he said quietly as he nuzzled her hair and then began peppering her jaw line with sensuous kisses. "Draw you a bath? Give you a massage?"

Kate smiled; his attentions relaxing her and causing the tension to ebb from her body. "I take it you're still after that 'debriefing' we discussed earlier," she replied; her voice soft and seductive.

He grinned at her before capturing her lips in a searing kiss. "Well I did promise you a debriefing."

"You didn't promise," she remarked. "You said you intended...there's a difference."

He kissed her again. "Do we really want to quibble over words when it comes to debriefing?"

She laughed softly as his hands grew bolder and his lips grazed her throat. "No, I suppose we shouldn't quibble when it's such an important topic."

"I know it's a topic I take very seriously," he stated before she drew him in for another kiss.

"Do you?"

"Always."

Her hand slid up his arm and across his shoulder; her fingertips lighting him on fire as they trailed up his neck and then caressed his face. "I think you're going to have to prove it to me," she whispered between passionate kisses.

"Gladly," he stated as he took her hand and tugged her to her feet as he got to his own and then led her to the bedroom.

* * *

><p>The clock on the nightstand had read 2:34 and as Jim neared the kitchen, he could smell the scent of a cake baking. He shook his head; he should've known that the appeal of the mixing bowl would be too great for Johanna to pass up in the face of their latest encounter with the media. As he entered the room, he took note of the ingredients sitting on the table, if memory served him correctly, the collection of items seemed to indicate that she planned on making her mother's white icing. His wife wasn't at the table however, and his gaze scanned the spacious kitchen in search of her; finding her standing at the back door, peering out into the darkness. He moved towards her, slipping his arms around her waist just as he had done earlier in the evening.<p>

"What are you thinking about?" he asked quietly.

"A lot of things."

"Like what?"

"Like this town," she whispered.

"What about it?"

She breathed deeply. "It's one of the greatest cities in the world; so much to see and do and experience. Packed with theaters, restaurants, clubs, landmarks, museums, shopping, concerts, ballparks...you name it, it's here. Every day there are celebrities of every ilk walking down the streets; along with politicians, diplomats, foreign dignitaries, tycoons...so with all of that going on out there, why do they have to bother us?"

He kissed the back of her head and tightened his hold on her. "Because you did the impossible."

"If it was done, than it wasn't impossible," she murmured. "It felt impossible...but all I wanted was to end the nightmare and wake up and be home again. I wanted to save Katie...I just wanted to be with you. I wanted him to pay for what he had done to us...but I didn't want this. I didn't want people camped outside our home and following us wherever we go. I hate being stared at and talked about. I know it's all new to them...but it's not new to us. We've been carrying it for thirteen years and we're tired...but they don't seem to think of that or to care. They just want it all; comments, statements, stories, pictures. It's like the world thinks we owe it our pain. Don't they get it? I don't want to talk about it. I just want to forget."

"You're never going to be able to forget, Johanna."

She bit her lip; tears filling her eyes. "It would be easier to try though, if I didn't have to feel like I had to hide my face."

"You don't have to hide. You didn't do anything to be ashamed of."

"It's hard to feel that way when people are shouting things at your back as you walk by. Liar. Coward. Bitch. Defender of Scum. Destroyer of lives; and the list goes on and on."

"You're none of those things, Johanna," Jim remarked firmly.

"Aren't I?" she whispered. "I ran, I lied, I..."

"You had no choice," he said sternly; his fingers digging into her waist without notice or intent. "You're alive because you did the right thing, and I don't give a damn what anyone thinks about it. All that matters is that you lived, and that bastard is behind bars where he belongs."

"They added 'recluse' to the list of names tonight," she murmured after a moment of silence.

"I didn't hear anyone say that."

"I turned on the TV while I mixed up the cake batter."

"I told you to stay off the news channels," Jim stated; casting a glance over his shoulder at the small television that sat on the counter. He had hooked it up for her when they came back from Wyoming so she could watch her cooking shows in the kitchen; not so she could torment herself with the news.

A humorless laugh escaped her. "You can't shield me from it, Jim. It's everywhere. There's no escaping it. Just when I thought one nightmare was ending, a new one began."

"It's going to be alright, Sweetheart."

"No it's not," she cried; a sob breaking free against her will. "Sometimes it feels like it's never going to be alright. They caught Katie out tonight too. I saw it on TV...and I just know in my heart that it's not going to take long for her to get fed up with this and she's going to blame me, as she should; and she's going to push me away...and maybe this time I won't be able to get her back."

"That's not going to happen, Jo."

"It will," she insisted. "If I was in her shoes, I'd feel the same way. It's only a matter of time...and I hate seeing them hound her and the things they say...and sometimes I wonder when you're going to start to resent me for it too; because I know you can't stand it anymore than I can."

He turned her so that she would face him and he took her face in his hands. "I'm not going to resent you for something you have no control over. You don't need to be worrying about that at all. Yes; I hate it too, and it's frustrating...but it bothers me more that I can't keep them away from you, than from myself. It's only been a month, Johanna. Things will die down soon and they'll move on to something else."

"I hope it's soon," she whispered; laying her head against his chest.

"It'll be soon," he promised; although she didn't believe it and nether did he.

"I always used to think that this was my town," she said quietly. "I walked everywhere, I had no fear...and now it feels like it's turned against me..."

Jim shook his head. "No it hasn't; it's still your town...or city as the case may be."

"Maybe I am a recluse," she commented; ignoring his statement. "Every time I walk out the door, I'm terrified. I'm so afraid that something will happen to keep me from coming home."

"That's not going to happen again, sweetheart. I swear to you that you're always coming back."

Another sob broke free as she burrowed into his arms. "I want to see my brother," she cried; "But I'm too afraid to go to him because I might be followed and then the media will know where he's at and I don't want them beating on his door. And I think that he hasn't came here because he knows they're always lurking around...and it isn't right...and the police say that as long as they stay on the sidewalk and don't actually come on to our property that they can't do anything about it...and it just doesn't seem right. How am I supposed to put my life back together when I'm constantly being watched...when I'm so afraid of so many things...when I can't even see the people who are willing to see me?"

He knew how badly she needed that contact with her brother. He and Valerie called her every few days but she needed to see him, she needed that link to her past and to her family. Frankie was probably the only person left who had known her from the day she was born. She needed that bond and her roots. He raised her face and wiped her tears away. "You'll see your brother," he told her. "I'll get you there, we'll figure something out."

"What about the rest?" she asked; referring to her fears.

"You're doing fine. It's just going to take a little time for you to feel better about things, and to get used to being able to come and go as you please again. I know you're afraid, that's why I keep dragging you out for any reason I can think of. We'll get you through it. It's going to be fine. Just try to relax, okay?"

She took a shaky breath as she nodded and swiped at her cheeks. "Hey," he whispered; cupping her face.

"What?"

"I love you," he told her.

"I love you too," she replied before kissing him.

"Why don't you come on back to bed and get some sleep?"

"I have to get the cake out of the oven. It has to cool and I need to make the icing to put it on it."

"You can do the icing tomorrow."

Her teeth sunk into her lip as she considered the idea, and he could tell that she was finding it less than tasteful. "Morning is only a few hours away," he commented. "I'm sure it will be fine without icing until after breakfast."

She smiled softly; "Okay."

Jim brushed a kiss against her lips, "That's my girl."

He stood by and waited as she took care of the cake and made sure the oven was off and then he took her hand and turned out the lights. Once they were settled back into their bed, he pulled her into arms, making her smile in response. "I figure I better keep a hold of you or you'll be back downstairs putting icing on that cake," he teased.

She laughed softly as she cuddled against him. "I'm staying put...I got a little chilly standing over by the door."

He pressed a kiss against her hair and pulled the covers more securely around her. "You go to sleep then, I'll keep you warm."

"You always do," she murmured; the sound of his heartbeat in her ear as his fingers found his way into her hair. Soon sleep had claimed her, and her husband drifted off as well, despite the fact that his mind was trying to come up with ways to take away all her worries and fears.

* * *

><p>Later that night, Kate carefully slipped out from beneath Castle's arm and quietly tiptoed to the dresser and pulled open a drawer. As she located and slipped into her pajamas, she couldn't help but think about how quickly she had amassed a collection of her belongings in his bedroom. She wondered briefly if that should worry her, but then decided that it shouldn't. She doubted that anyone would accuse them of moving too quickly…quite the opposite as a matter of fact. She crept to the door and moved stealthy through the darkness, taking refuge in his office. She settled down in his desk chair, pulling her knees up against her.<p>

She was supposed to be sleeping easy now…or at least she had believed that she would sleep easy once Bracken was arrested, but truth be told, she could probably count on one hand the number of nights she had slept easily since their return from Wyoming. Kate blew out a breath; things could never be easy, could they? She wasn't a fool, she had known all along that the arrest wasn't the end…it was just the beginning of the next phase. The very public next phase.

Her stomach knotted; if there was one thing she hated, it was for her privacy to be invaded. She was reminded of the time when she was five and had made the trek across the hallway early one morning with the intent of waking her mother, only to find the bedroom door locked. When she had questioned why the door had been locked, her mother had sat her down and explained that sometimes mommies and daddies needed privacy. In her explanation of the concept of privacy, she had told her that it was something everyone needed at one time or another and that it should always be respected and valued. She had taken that lesson to heart; especially as she had gotten older, and she clearly remembered that when she had turned thirteen and had decided that she needed to lock the door when she was changing clothes, that her parents had understood her need to do so and hadn't questioned it. They had even started knocking on her door before entering if it was closed, just as they had taught her to do when their door was closed; regardless of if it was locked or not.

The media intrusion into her life reminded her of that thirteen year old girl she had been who was afraid of being walked in on while changing. The media wanted to catch her exposed and vulnerable, and all she wanted to do was to lock the metaphorical door. Of course it wasn't just her upbringing that made her feel that way. She had spent a lot of years keeping people at a distance, picking and choosing what to reveal and to whom, and she had always done that with great deliberation. She kept her personal thoughts and feelings to herself unless you were fortunate enough to be on the short list of people allowed on the inside. The world at large wasn't on the list. You didn't let too many strangers on the list when you were a cop; the less people who knew your weak spots, the better off you were.

Kate sighed; the question was; how did you keep the door shut and locked when so many people were banging on it at once? Her pain wasn't for public consumption. She couldn't and wouldn't share it with anyone other than those in her immediate circle…but she had to do something, because this was already getting annoying and ridiculous. She couldn't afford the distractions at work, and she didn't want them on her dates either. She had hated to cut their evening short; hated even more that it had taken her awhile to unwind and get back into the romantic scheme of things once they had returned to the loft. The trial was still a few months away, which meant she had many months to come of dealing with the media. It wasn't going to go away.

Maybe Castle was right; maybe she did need to make a small concession. Maybe releasing a photo of her and her mother together wasn't really a bad idea after all. They were taking pictures anyway, at least this could be one of her own choosing…and maybe if she took away their motivation, they'd back off for awhile as Castle had said. He was more experienced in this area than she was; she'd probably be wise to take his advice. She smiled; a few years ago she would've never envisioned herself having that thought.

He was right though, she reasoned; a picture was a silent way to make a statement. Neither she nor her mother would have to say a word. All they had to do was sit down and allow Castle to snap a photo. He would then act as a buffer between them and the media by releasing it via his Twitter account. The world would end up with what they wanted; a photo of the reunited mother and daughter, and maybe they'd have a few days peace. Of course she would need her mother's cooperation and participation but she couldn't imagine that she'd say no. She was sure that she'd be agreeable to anything that got them a break. The decision was made, Kate thought; they'd release a photo. A small weight lifted from her shoulders but she made no move to return to bed.

The media wasn't the only turmoil lingering in her mind. She was still afraid...terribly afraid that Bracken would somehow get away with his crimes. Logically, she didn't see how he could, given all the evidence that had been amassed against him, but still she worried that he might. He was doing his damnedest to convince the public that he was innocent; or more exactly, he was having his mouthpieces do it for him. Most specifically his brother Adam. She frowned, recalling Adam Bracken's most recent statement.

_"My brother will be cleared of these heinous and erroneous charges against him; and when he is, we fully intend to prosecute the people responsible for this miscarriage of justice to the fullest extent of the law, and that includes the NYPD."_

Bracken's camp had been making various statements of that nature every few days, and usually in the midst of it, they would try to malign the integrity of her and her mother. She knew that they had the jury pool in mind and that they were trying to sway public opinion in their favor in regard to that...and she could only pray that it didn't work and that the evidence would be enough to convict him. But what if it wasn't? Bracken had contacts and he still had some power somewhere as his camp was clearly buying off certain media outlets.

Speaking of which, he had money. Not as much as he had a few months before as the majority of his accounts were frozen...but still, he had enough. Kate was certain that Adam Bracken's money was probably as dirty as his brother's; and she couldn't help but wonder and worry if the man would become a problem later on. What if Bracken was able to buy his way out of this? If that happened, it would all start over again; maybe not right away, but eventually Bracken would want his revenge and he'd come at them with a vengeance. A shiver slid down her spine; she didn't want to think about that. It was unlikely to happen anyway. She was just paranoid, and with good reason. Kate breathed deeply and exhaled slowly. She'd be fine once she got the media off her back a little, and was able to get a good night's sleep. It would be okay. They had won the battle; they would win the war too. There was nothing to worry about...at least she hoped there wasn't.

"Kate?" Castle's voice called out softly; startling her and causing her to flinch.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" he asked as he approached her.

"I'm fine. I just couldn't sleep."

"Is something on your mind?"

"Yeah; but I've made a decision about it," she replied.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

She looked at him in the dim light of the city that filtered through the blinds. "I've decided to let you take a picture of me and my mother and release it."

He perched on the edge of the desk. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah; I figure it's worth a shot."

"Do you think Johanna will be okay with this?"

"I think once she hears us explain our reasons, she'll be fine with it."

"Us?"

Kate smiled, "We're in this together, remember?"

"Absolutely," he replied; reaching out to brush a knuckle against her cheek.

"When do you want to do this?"

"I figure we can go over there and talk to her about it in the morning before we go to work."

Castle nodded; "Alright; now that that's settled, do you want to come back to bed? I'm getting lonely in there."

She laughed softly as she rose from the chair and wrapped her arms around him; capturing his lips in a kiss. "I can't have you being lonely."

"No you can't," he replied as he took her hand and led her back to his bed.

* * *

><p>Johanna sighed the next morning as Kate and Castle finished listing the merits of releasing a photo. "I don't know, Katie," she said hesitantly. "It seems to me that it would only make them want more."<p>

"They're going to want more either way," Castle stated before Kate could form a response. "But in the meantime, they'll be satisfied."

She didn't like it. It felt like giving in and giving in just seemed like it would bring the vultures down upon them twice as hard.

"What are you thinking about, Mom?"

"That I hate to give in to their demands, even in a small way."

Kate raked a hand through her hair. "I don't like the idea any more than you do but I hate being hounded even more. I'm also not fond of the accusation that I hate you just because we haven't been seen together publicly."

"It doesn't matter what they think," Johanna stated. "Their opinions shouldn't dictate our actions."

Kate's patience felt as though it was stretched thin that morning and she knew it was due in part to a largely restless night spent pondering her options. She hadn't counted on her mother's stubbornness as a stumbling block in her quest for relief. "It's just a picture," she stated; her tone somewhat clipped as she held her mother's gaze. "I'm not asking you to talk to anyone or to compromise your principals. They're taking pictures of you anyway...on the rare occasion that you actually put a foot outside the door, so what's the big deal? Do you hear what they're saying about you?"

Johanna scoffed; "No, Kate; I magically lose the ability to understand English when the press is talking about me and calling me names. I also magically lose the ability to read when it's in print."

She smirked, "I see you're running high on sarcasm this morning."

"She didn't sleep well, Katie," Jim remarked as he sat a fresh cup of coffee down in front of his wife before taking a seat next to her.

"And I didn't wake up in the best of moods," Johanna admitted.

"I knew we should've called first," Castle quipped.

"I didn't sleep well and my mood isn't all that great either," Kate retorted; "But I'm trying to find a way to get the media off our backs a little and this is the only solution that Castle and I were able to come up with that I was agreeable to. Maybe it doesn't bother you to have people following you around and shouting things at your back but it sure as hell bothers me."

"You can't seriously think that I'm not bothered by it!" Johanna exclaimed.

"Well if you're willing to put up with it without even trying to head it off in one way or another, then maybe you aren't as bothered as you claim to be."

Johanna felt like she was stuck between a rock and a hard place. If she didn't do this, Kate would be angry. If she did do it, things had the potential for getting worse media wise, or staying the same.

"Jim?" she said as she glanced at her husband; hoping he'd have an answer...or that just maybe he'd make the decision for her this time.

His gaze was full of understanding, but she saw no answer in his eyes. "It's your choice, Johanna. If you don't feel comfortable and you don't want to do it, then you don't have to. If you want to go along with it and see if it helps, I'll support that decision too."

"You're going to have to deal with them at some point, Johanna," Castle remarked. "You're not going to be able to hide forever."

There was that word again, Johanna thought. Every time she turned around, that word was being thrown at her. Was it so wrong to want to peace and privacy while her wounds healed and she sorted out the pieces of her life and tried to put them back together?

"Hell will freeze over before I sit down with Barbara Walters and give her my life story."

"I didn't say you had to talk to Barbara," he replied; "I'm just saying that eventually you're going to have to deal with this publicly. Although if you did decide to talk about it, Barbara Walters wouldn't be a bad choice; if you cry, everyone will blame it on her," he stated with a grin.

The older woman frowned; "I will not be another Barbara Walters sob story."

"She's not talking to anyone," Jim proclaimed. "They're picking her apart enough; I'll be damned if she's going to have to sit down and have it done to her face."

"We are not talking interviews; she doesn't have to talk to anyone!" Kate exclaimed. "All she has to do is sit down beside me for thirty seconds and have one damn picture taken, okay? You have the luxury of hiding in this house, but I don't. I have a job; I have to go out everyday. I don't get to escape it the way you do."

"I hate how you act like I don't leave this house," Johanna retorted. "I go out!"

"When Dad makes you."

"Katie," Jim said; his tone laced with warning. "Back off."

"No," she responded. "You don't get it, I'm out trying to do my job and reporters are following me and shouting questions and getting in the way. Then other officers or Ryan and Esposito have to stop what they're doing and run them off. I go out on a date and I can't even hold hands because I'm being watched. If you won't do it for yourself, you could at least do it for me."

She played her ace card, Johanna thought as she swallowed hard. The words she had uttered the night before about how Kate would eventually feel, hung ominously in the air as she studied the tightness of her daughter's jaw. It was already starting. Kate had more at stake and more to lose than she did. It was only right that her feelings be sacrificed; she could deal for awhile longer. "Alright, Katie; I'll do it for you," she answered. "When do you want to do it?"

She glanced at her watch, "I don't have time right now, but maybe we can come back on my lunch break and take the picture then. I'll call first."

"Fine, that will give me time to go to the store first."

Jim glanced at her in surprise. "You're ready to venture out again so soon?"

"No, but I will."

"Don't you get it, Dad? She wants to stock up before the picture is released so she won't have to go out for awhile."

"Is that what it is, Jo?"

She sighed; she really wasn't in the mood for this today. "Mainly it's because I'm out of sugar and because we could use a few other things as well."

"And the rest of it is the press?" he asked.

"So what if it is? I hate feeling like I'm the main attraction at the freak show."

"Johanna," Castle spoke up as he laid a hand on Kate's knee; feeling the agitation radiating from her body. "I really don't think that releasing this picture is going to be a big deal. It'll make a little splash as we satisfy their curiosity, but you don't need to worry."

Johanna nodded and forced a smile to her lips as she met her daughter's eye. "I'll be better by lunch time, Katie. I promise. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," she replied; taking a long moment to study her mother. She was feeling the pressure today, Kate mused; but of course so was she. There was a momentary twinge of regret for being terse with her...but on the other hand it seemed like it needed to be done. Her mother wasn't bouncing back as quickly as she had hoped now that she was home. If anything, being home only seemed to make her issues worse, or more pronounced, whatever the case may be. As much as she hated to think it, she couldn't help but feel like her father was enabling her mother by coddling her. Sure he made her go out every so many days, but other than that, she didn't think he was forcing her to show much effort at returning to normal...or as normal as they could be.

Johanna Beckett wasn't a woman who needed coddled, Kate thought as she listened to the voices around the table discuss the media pressure and the sudden need to go to the market. No, coddling wasn't good for her. She needed a shove; just like she had needed one when she had been acting like a doormat when she had first came home. She had shoved her then and made her find that missing piece of herself...and it looked like she was going to have to sit down and pencil 'Shove Mom' into her schedule every so often...because it needed done, and apparently the person who was supposed to be doing it, didn't have the heart for it yet.

"You know," Johanna said, "You all want me to go out more and when I say I want to go to the store, you act like I'm committing some crime."

Jim shook his head; "That's not the case at all. If you want to go to the store, I'll take you. When do you want to leave?"

"I'll wash up the breakfast dishes and then I'll get ready," Johanna answered. "Katie, do you want to take a piece of cake to work?"

Kate smiled and looked to Castle; "That's her subtle way of telling us to get the hell out."

He laughed; "At least she offered you cake, I didn't get offered anything."

Johanna smirked at him, "You know I'm going to give you a piece."

"You're not going to spit on it first, are you?" he asked.

Johanna smiled; amusement finding it's way into her eyes. "I haven't decided yet. It'll be a surprise."

"I'll make Kate try it first."

"I'm surprised you didn't say you'd switch your piece with mine," Kate responded.

"I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't think of that...clearly it's a bad morning all around."

"Don't worry, Castle; you can redeem yourself at the murder board," she replied as her mother rose to cut them each a piece of cake.

"I better send some for Ryan and Esposito," Johanna remarked as she took a few plastic containers from the cabinet.

"If you don't want whiny phone calls about unfairness and being deprived, you probably should," Kate agreed.

"I definitely don't want that," the older woman replied. "I have enough problems."

* * *

><p>Sharon Harper always preferred to do her shopping in the morning. The market was never as crowded then as it would be later in the afternoon. Shopping in the morning meant she could hear herself think, which meant that she most likely wouldn't forget half of the things she had come for, and the aisles would be easier to navigate. She turned her cart down the refrigerated aisle that housed dairy products, paying scant attention until she caught a glimpse of a couple who was sharing the aisle with her. Her heart thudded against her ribs, an old hurt rippling through her.<p>

The woman was reading the package of a product, her profile being presented to Sharon's gaze, but she would know Johanna McKenzie Beckett anywhere. If she needed proof of the woman's identity though, she had to do nothing more than to look at the man standing next to her. There was no doubt in her mind that the man in question was Jim. No doubt at all. A small smile lifted the corner of mouth as she studied him for a second, taking in his protective stance as he hovered near his wife; his hand rubbing against the small of her back. Her feet almost made her surge forward, teasing words about him still not being able to keep his hands off of Johanna on the tip of her tongue; but she remained rooted in spot; her gaze darting back to Johanna as she placed the item in the cart and picked up something else to study.

Emotion slammed into her, causing her to grip the handle of the cart just in case it brought her to her knees. That was her best friend standing there. That was the longest friendship she had ever had; beginning at the age of seventeen. She felt the tears gathering in her eyes as she thought about that old black and white photo tucked away in her wallet. They had felt like being silly that day after their shift at the restaurant had ended, and they had dropped one of their quarter tips into a photo booth and had their picture taken together. Sharon swallowed hard; they had a case of the giggles for all three poses; and those dowdy pink uniforms they had been wearing weren't appealing in the slightest...but they were so young and carefree in that picture.

They had shared everything; clothes, shoes, books, gossip, secrets, heartaches and double dates. They had agonized together, gotten into mischief together. They had been there for each other through everything; college, jobs, breakups, engagements, marriages and babies. There had been the loss of parents, those trials of getting older, those moments when everything just seemed all wrong, and all of those moments when everything had been right.

That was her best friend...the one she had mourned for thirteen years. The one she had thought was gone forever. It felt like a hand was squeezing her heart as she openly stared at Johanna. She was torn; there was the urge to go to her, to hug her, to cry and tell her how badly she had missed her. There was also the urge to flee as anger and hurt washed over her. She wasn't sure she could handle it...and yet, how could she walk away? Her gaze flicked towards Jim and found him looking back at her.

Jim said nothing; merely kept his eyes trained upon Sharon as she debated what her next move would be. He also subtly watched his wife from the corner of his eye; praying that she wouldn't look up until Sharon had made up her mind. If she was going to flee, it would be best if Johanna was none the wiser. He wasn't sure she'd be able to handle seeing her best friend turn and walk away from her without a word.

Sharon's stare was intense, and Johanna could sense someone's eyes upon her and she knew that the gaze didn't belong to her husband. She tried to ignore it; figuring she was probably just being paranoid and that there probably wasn't anyone watching her at all, but...she could feel it. She could just feel someone's eyes boring into her and she couldn't ignore it any longer.

Johanna turned her head, seeking out the source of her unease and her gaze collided with Sharon's. It startled her; the package of yogurt almost slipping from her hand. Jim grabbed it and put it in the cart; remaining silent as the women continued to stare at each other in silence. Johanna began to move forward but then she stopped in her tracks, unsure if she was wanted or not. She was desperate to hug her friend; to tell her that she was sorry, that she missed her, and any number of things that often came to mind that she wished she could share with her. She wanted so badly to say something, but she was afraid of being shunned; afraid that Sharon would turn her back on her; and so she stood there, rooted in place, her eyes burning with tears and her throat tightening more and more with every moment that passed without a word being uttered. Sharon's face was anguished and she saw the trembling of her lip as she fought to remain composed.

Maybe she should make it easy on her and be the one to walk away, Johanna thought to herself. She couldn't stand to torment her by inflicting her presence on her...and yet it felt so difficult to walk away. Johanna lowered her head, in shame or defeat, she wasn't sure, and neither was Jim or Sharon. Jim could feel her anguish but he was at a loss about what to do. He couldn't force Sharon to speak, and he couldn't force Johanna to take the initiative when it might wind up hurting her in the end. He rubbed her back; feeling the shuddering breath that wracked her slender frame as she began to turn back towards the cart; clearly giving Sharon the okay to walk away without a word. He darted another quick look at the former secretary and saw that her head was in her hands, but then they fell away and she pushed her cart towards them. Johanna heard the wheels of the cart but she didn't dare hope that they'd stop near her...but they did.

She was afraid to lift her head; afraid now of what Sharon might say if indeed she chose to speak to her. "Sharon," she heard Jim say.

A shaky smile touched Sharon's lips. "Jim, how are you?" she asked.

"I'm fine," he answered; his hand squeezing Johanna's waist gently as she hazarded a glance at the scene taking place. "How are you?"

She scoffed softly; she wasn't all that well at the moment. "I'm...fine," she answered for lack of better words. Her eyes met Johanna's once more, and she could read the torment in her green gaze. She didn't know where she stood, and so she was waiting for her to make the first move. Sharon had known all along that that's how it would be if there paths ever crossed. Johanna never was one to force herself on someone. She released a weighted breath. "Johanna," she said; her voice soft but tinged with hurt.

Johanna felt tongue tied and awkward, but she forced herself to form a single word; not trusting herself to say more just yet. "Sharon."

Her old friend swallowed hard, and she did the same; a part of her wishing that she had just stayed home. "How are you?" Sharon finally asked.

"Okay I guess," she answered.

"That's good...I'm glad that you're okay."

Johanna's chin quivered; emotion surging forward. "Sharon; I...," she trailed off; not really wanting to have this conversation here, and yet afraid that she might not get the chance again. "I'm sorry."

The other woman nodded; her gaze darting away. "I know."

She shifted on her feet; knowing it wouldn't be wise to say more on the topic and yet at a loss about what to say in response. "I should get going," Sharon stated, unable to bear the strain between them. "I have other errands to run."

Johanna forced a wobbly smile to her lips and gave her a nod. "It was nice to see you," she said; trying so hard to keep her tone steady but failing as her voice cracked.

Sharon squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, swallowing the lump in her throat as she brushed a hand against Johanna's arm. "It was nice to see you too."

Johanna caught her hand for a moment; squeezing it as she wished that she was brave enough to just reach forward and hug her friend...but she wasn't. Her bravery was at an all time low. Sharon returned her grip though and then gently extracted her hand as she said goodbye and pushed her cart forward.

Jim wrapped an arm around his wife as she closed her eyes and tried to find her composure. Half way up the aisle, Sharon paused; the urge to turn around and go back pulling at her but she wasn't sure she was ready to give more at this point. She did turn and look back; seeing Johanna wipe away a tear as Jim whispered something in her ear. "Jo," she called out before she could stop herself, her tone as wobbly as Johanna's smile had been.

Her head snapped up and she turned in Sharon's direction, hoping for what, she wasn't sure.

"I'll call you...soon."

Johanna nodded; "I'd like that, Sharon."

She bobbed her head in response, offering a shaky smile of her own before she turned and hurried away; her features crumbling as a silent sob broke the surface. Johanna turned and buried herself in her husband's arms.

"Try and hold it in until we get to the car, sweetheart," he murmured as he held her.

"I'll try," she whispered.

* * *

><p>At lunch time as they drove towards her parents house, Castle turned his gaze towards Kate.<p>

"Kate…"

"I'm doing this, Castle," she stated; cutting him off before he could even finish his sentence. "It was your suggestion, you should be happy that I'm taking it."

He was happy that she was taking his advice…but he didn't want to feel like he had forced her hand.

"I don't want you to think you have to do this to appease me," he told her.

"I don't, I'm doing this for me."

"I don't think your mother is too keen on the idea."

"She'll be fine once it's done," Kate remarked. "She needs a shove anyway. She needs to go back to acting like the woman that faced down Bracken."

"She had a reason for acting that way then."

"I think she has plenty of reasons now but Dad's babying her and making her worse."

"Well…she's his to baby," he remarked; "And she's still afraid…just like you're still afraid in some ways."

Kate clamped her mouth shut, her jaw tightening as she kept her gaze trained on the road. Sometimes it was a curse that he could read her so well. He was studying her intently; she could feel his blue gaze scorching her skin without even having to look.

"You are still afraid, aren't you?" he asked.

Her eyes flicked towards him for a split second. "I have a gun; I have Ryan and Esposito and an entire precinct at my disposal if I need them and a sometimes immature, but very competent, loving writer at my side. With all of that behind me, what do I have to be afraid of?"

"First of all, thank you for including me on the list; it would've been just like you to exclude me just to torment me."

She smiled; "How could I not include you?"

"True; but having me and your very lovely gun and a hoard of cops doesn't mean you can't still have some fear lingering inside. It's only natural."

"I'm not afraid."

"If you weren't worried or afraid, you'd sleep better," Castle replied.

"I can sleep at my place more often if I'm disturbing you," she retorted.

"No!" he exclaimed. "There's no call for that! I'm just saying that it's okay if you're feeling those things. You've been through a lot and so has she…there has to be a period of adjustment."

"I thought we already did that."

"You adjusted to the situation at hand...now you have to adjust in different ways. It's okay to still..."

"Castle, don't pick at my brain today, okay?" she stated; her tone carrying a hint of sharpness.

He was getting too close to a nerve she didn't want plucked at the moment, he observed; and he sensed it was best to back off for now. "I'm shutting up."

"You don't have to shut up; you just have to find a different topic," Kate told him.

"Okay; then I'll shut up until I think of something else."

Silence fell between them and lasted until they neared their destination. "You didn't come up with a new topic?" she asked. "That's unusual."

"Well I did come up with one."

"What is it?"

"I love you," he stated.

Kate smiled; "I like that topic."

"You do? Why is that?"

"Because I love you too," she answered as she pulled up in front of the house; which was thankfully free of media presence. "Even when I'm telling you to shut up, I still love you."

Castle laughed; his eyes dancing with amusement. "Don't worry, I've never taken it personally...even when you wanted me to."

"I noticed," she laughed and then she leaned towards him and stole a kiss. "Let's go do this."

He gently grabbed her wrist, keeping her in place for a moment as he looked her in eye. "I want you to know that I'm going to do the best I can with this for you, Kate."

"I know," she replied sincerely; brushing her lips against his once more. "I trust you."

That statement eased a small amount of his own anxiety as they got out of the car and made their way up the walk. Jim opened the door before Kate could knock, and after greeting him, her eyes scanned the living room for her mother.

"Where is she?" she asked.

"Upstairs," her father answered as he shut the door.

"She's not backing out on me, is she?"

"No, Katie; she's just touching up her makeup...but listen..."

"Here we go," she muttered; her anxiety growing once again.

Jim silenced her with a look; giving her a momentary flashback to her teenage days. "It's nothing like you're thinking, Katie; she's going to do this for you. I just wanted to tell you that she ran into Sharon at the market this morning."

"How did that go?" she asked.

"It wasn't bad but..."

"It wasn't what she would've hoped for," Castle said; finishing the thought.

"Right; but Sharon did say that she would call her soon...but of course we'll have to see about that. I just wanted you to know in case she seems a little off. I didn't want you to think it was about this and have you being hard on her. She's going to do her best for you, Katie."

She blew out a breath and nodded; she'd cut her some slack if she was a bit off. She was sure that unexpectedly seeing her former best friend had probably knocked her off balance. The sound of heels on the stairs alerted them to Johanna's imminent appearance. Castle smiled as he caught sight of her first. "Hey, there's Miss New York 1975."

She smirked at him; "I wish; but I thank you for the false flattery, Mr. Macaroni of 2012."

Castle eyed her with amusement; "I pay you a high compliment like that and you call me macaroni?"

Kate burst into laughter as the wording made her think of something else. He glanced at her, "You're thinking of Yankee Doodle again, aren't you?"

"Yeah," she laughed.

He turned his attention back to Johanna. "See what you've done?"

"Hey, I was never a beauty queen and never proclaimed to be one, you on the other hand proclaimed yourself as macaroni, so blame yourself."

"For all I knew, you could've been a beauty queen in 1975," Castle remarked. "Jim, you knew her then; she could've been one, right?"

The older man smiled as his gaze admired his wife; "She would've got my vote...still does."

Johanna smiled; her cheeks warming under his gaze. "1975...that was a hell of a year."

Jim nodded; "But it had its moments."

"Very true."

"Before you two decide to take a walk down memory lane, can we get this picture done?" Kate asked.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Johanna asked fussing with the hem of her top as a touch of nervousness flared within her.

"Yes; I'm sure. It's only a picture; and while I hate giving in, maybe it will get us a break from the deluge."

"Alright," her mother agreed. "How are we going to do this?"

"Same way we always take a picture," Kate answered. "Stand still and smile."

Johanna smirked as her gaze slid towards her husband. "I think you're wrong about the amount of your genes swimming through her veins. There are way more than you give yourself credit for."

"I don't think we're ever going to settle that debate," Jim replied.

"Should we do this indoors or outdoors?" Castle asked.

"It's your idea, Castle; you decide," Kate told him.

He looked around the house, debating his options as he considered lighting and possible angles. He wanted to get this right since he was taking on the responsibility of releasing it to the world.

"How about the porch, Rick?" Jim suggested. "They could sit on the swing."

"Maybe I should just take several different pictures and then we'll pick which one we like best."

"I thought you said this was going to be casual," Kate remarked.

"It is," Castle replied. "You're not in a cold studio, decked out in an evening gown and diamonds."

She rolled her eyes; "When you said casual, I assumed that you meant that you'd just snap a picture of us while we stood together. I didn't think there was going to have to be multiple poses and strategizing."

"Kate, there are two different kinds of casual. There's family album casual and then there's press casual. Press casual requires a little more effort. Besides; this is my debut as a photographer."

She didn't look amused despite his attempt at levity. "Just pick a spot and take the picture, Castle."

"Okay…let's try it outside."

"Are we alone out there?" Johanna asked.

"I didn't see anyone around when we got there," Kate told her. "Castle will go out at look first."

Castle and Jim drifted out onto the porch and discreetly surveyed the neighborhood. After not spotting anyone or anything suspicious, they gestured for Kate and Johanna to come outside. They sat together on the porch swing and Castle took on his role of photographer as he began clicking a series of photos.

* * *

><p>With the pictures taken, they retreated back inside and congregated in the kitchen. Kate and Johanna stood by, sipping coffee as Castle and Jim took it upon themselves to look through the photos to find the best one.<p>

"How about this one?" Castle asked. "They're smiling and look happy for the most part."

Jim shook his head; "No; that's their fake smiles."

"Really?"

"Yes; trust me, I know. I mean just look at them. Johanna hides it a little better than Katie, but they're both definitely fake. See the tightness in their jaw lines?"

Castle nodded; "I see it; and now that I'm really looking, you can tell the smile doesn't reach the eyes and that's very important. We can't use this one."

Kate glanced at her mother, "Are we being insulted?"

"It's possible," she replied; "But let's see if they dig the hole a little bigger before we push them into it."

"What about that one?" Jim asked as Castle swiped a finger across the screen of his phone and brought up the next photo.

Castle wrinkled his nose as he studied it. "I don't think so. Kate has that 'I'm starting to get annoyed with you' look in her eyes. That's not a statement we want to make; especially with how much things get analyzed in the press."

"Good point," the older man conceded. "Now that you mention it, she does look a little annoyed. I think there's a picture around here somewhere of her as a toddler and she has that same look on her face."

"Really?" Castle smiled. "I'd love to see that."

"I'll look for it later."

"No you won't," Kate told him.

Her father glanced at her, "This is my house; I can do what I want here."

"Oh you think so?" she replied before turning to the woman at her side. "Mom?"

"I'll hide the photo albums," Johanna assured her.

Kate smirked at her father, "How do you like that?"

"I know how to get around her," Jim remarked as Castle paused on another photo.

"This one is good; Kate looks better in this one."

Johanna stifled a laugh as Kate shot her writer a glare. "Not that you don't always look your best," he hurriedly amended.

"Uh huh," she replied.

"That one is better of Katie," Jim remarked; "But that's Johanna's 'I'm just humoring you' look, and that isn't one of her better expressions."

Kate laughed as Castle nodded. "I've seen that look on her face before," he replied.

"That doesn't surprise me; but she has better looks and we should find one of them."

"Hey, Jim; what look am I wearing now?" his wife asked as she regarded him with narrowed eyes.

He smiled sheepishly, "That's your 'keep it up and you'll sleep alone tonight' look."

Her lips curved into a smirk, "Congratulations honey; you get the gold star for guessing correctly."

Castle chuckled as he caught Jim's eye. "She can give quite a look."

"She knows how to make a statement without even saying a word, that's for sure," he agreed.

"Now I know where Kate gets it from."

"I could've told you that."

Kate rolled her eyes as Johanna shook her head. "I have a feeling that they've formed a support group to deal with their experiences with us," the older woman remarked.

"That's fine," her daughter replied. "We'll just form our own group and it'll be better than theirs."

"Well we know right off the bat that the membership standards for our group are much higher," her mother answered.

"Hey," the men protested; making them laugh in response.

"Jim, I think your wife needs a nap. She seems a little cranky today."

Johanna looked to Castle. "Is that any way to talk after I gave you cake this morning?"

"The cake was delicious, but you're still a little cranky, which is fine. You're a woman; you're entitled to your cranky days...even at your age."

"Oh, you're going to pay for that," Kate murmured with a shake of her head.

"Might I remind you, Mr. Castle; that I still need to leave a review for your latest book on Amazon?" Johanna stated as she eyed him.

His jaw dropped, "You wouldn't."

"Try me."

A boyish grin spread across his lips; "Now you know I was only teasing you. If I didn't know you were Kate's mother; I'd surely mistake you as her sister."

Johanna gave a short laugh, "Her cranky sister?"

"You, cranky?" he asked; "Never. That's why it was such a joke, because you don't have a cranky bone in your body."

"Mhmm," she responded.

"You're going to be nice in your review, right?"

"I'll think about it."

"When are you going to leave it, and under which name will it be?" Castle asked.

Johanna smiled; "I can't tell you that."

"Why not?"

"It would ruin the surprise."

He turned to Kate, "You'll find out for me, right?"

"No," she said with a shake of her head. "I'm kind of looking forward to watching you refresh the reviews page every hour to see if you can pick out which one is hers."

Johanna laughed; "Take pictures of that, Katie."

"Oh I will, and then we can see if he's looking too annoyed or if his smile is too fake."

"Jim, where do they get this evilness from?"

He shrugged; "Well I think some of it comes from Johanna's father and I think the rest of it came from my mother. I think she might've rubbed off on Johanna a little."

"James Beckett, you will pay for that one," Johanna remarked.

"I'm not afraid," he quipped as he and Castle examined another picture.

"This one would've been good if they had been looking at the camera."

"Yeah; this would've been good too but they're trying too hard to act natural."

"I feel like I'm being pimped," Kate commented.

"So do I," her mother replied. "Do you think we're going to get paid when they're done?"

She scoffed; "They couldn't afford us."

"That's true."

"What about this one?" Castle asked Jim.

"Just pick one!" Kate exclaimed.

"We're trying to," Castle replied; "But it has to be the right one. We want to make sure we get your good sides…not that either one of you have any bad sides."

Johanna sighed as she looked at her daughter. "Why didn't we just take it ourselves?"

"Because your daughter was blinded by her love for me."

"Is that what it was, Katie?"

"Well…I don't have any other excuse so I guess I'll have to go with that one."

"Has your vision been restored yet?" her mother asked.

"Oh yeah, it's back," she replied as she sat down her coffee cup and grabbed the phone from Castle's hand.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Picking a damn picture," she answered. "You two had your chance and now we'll do it."

"Do we get veto power?'

"No," both women answered as Kate swiped her finger across the screen.

The men wisely grew silent as the woman pondered their options, and finally they looked at each other and smiled. "This one," Kate announced as she turned the phone to show them their choice.

They were both smiling in the photo; their real smiles, and it reflected in their eyes, just as Castle said it should. They looked every inch the happy and loving mother and daughter duo.

"I like it," Jim stated.

"Excellent choice," Castle agreed.

Johanna grabbed the phone before Kate could hand it back to Castle. "May I ask one favor?" she questioned as she eyed the writer.

"Anything," he answered.

She hesitated for a moment but then spoke. "Will you wait until Katie is home from work for the evening before you tweet the picture?"

Understanding dawned in his eyes. She wanted to make sure Kate was home safely before the picture made the rounds and became the latest news topic. "Yes; I will do that for you," he told her. "It'll give me time to think of what to say anyway."

She smiled gratefully and handed him his phone, "Thank you."

"No problem," he replied; and after deleting the discarded photos, he and Kate said their goodbyes and left.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you really want to do this?" Castle asked that evening as he and Kate sat at his kitchen table.<p>

She pushed her hair back from her face and nodded. "Yeah, I want to get them off my back."

He laid down his phone and held her gaze. "You do know that this isn't a guarantee that they'll back off for awhile, right?"

"Yes," she replied. "Are you trying to talk me out of it or what?"

"No; I just want to make sure you're keeping that in mind just in case it doesn't change anything. I can already imagine you glaring at me and telling what a stupid idea it was and how you shouldn't have listened to me."

"Castle; that isn't going to happen. I know there's a possibility that it won't help; but like I told my mother, I have to try."

He nodded and picked up his phone and she watched as he made his Twitter account appear. He could admit to himself that he felt a small amount of nervousness about taking on this responsibility, he thought as he uploaded the photo. It had been his idea, and he agreed with Kate's decision to go through with it but there was a small part of him that felt like they had forced Johanna into something she didn't really want to do. As Castle stared at the blinking cursor in the text box, he brushed that thought aside. Johanna could hide if she wanted but Kate couldn't; and what was best for Kate trumped Johanna's doubts and hesitation in his mind.

"Did you figure out what you're going to say?" Kate asked; pulling him from his thoughts.

"Yes," he replied. "It's subtle and casual but intriguing enough to make people want to click to see the photo. Just don't hurt me for the phrasing."

Her brow rose, "What are you going to write that might lead me to violence?"

"This," he said as he began to type. _"My muse, proving that beauty is indeed an inherited trait."_

"Why would I hurt you for that?" Kate asked.

"Well I do recall a time when you said that if I called you my muse, you'd break both my legs."

She rolled her eyes; "You have referred to me as your muse since then, and so far I haven't maimed you."

"So far?" he asked; "You're still considering it?"

"Only when you're trying my patience."

Castle smiled; "So you're not considering it very often then."

"Oh I wouldn't say that."

"On second thought, maybe I don't fear you all that much after all," he remarked.

"Why's that?"

"Because I'm your love slave now," he grinned. "You'll want to keep me in working order."

Kate laughed; "Yeah well, we'll see how long that excuse keeps you safe."

He chuckled but turned serious once more as he stared at the tweet he had yet to send. "You're sure?" he asked again.

"Yes."

"Once it's out there, there's no going back."

"Castle," she exclaimed in exasperation. "Just do it and be done with it!"

He quickly hit the command to send the tweet. "It's done."

A knot suddenly formed in Kate's stomach and she regretted the dinner she had picked at just a half hour before. "It's posted?"

Castle nodded and showed her the tweet. "You okay?" he asked.

She wasn't really sure if she was okay or not. What if it had been a mistake? What if things got worse?

"Kate?"

"I'm fine," she answered out of reflex. "What happens now?"

"Now we go relax in front of the TV and periodically check how many retweets and replies we get. We'll check the news at 11 and see if it's made it there yet. If not, some media outlet should have it by morning. Maybe you should call your mom and let her know it's been done."

Kate picked up her phone and tapped out a quick text message and sent it to her mother.

"You're not going to call?" Castle asked as she laid the phone down.

"No; I don't want to hear it," she replied.

"Hear what?"

"Whatever depressing thing is going through her mind right now about this," she answered. She had enough thoughts rolling through her own mind without adding her mother's to them.

He could see the nervous tension filling her body and knew that she was already having second thoughts about releasing the photo. He gently captured her chin between his thumb and forefinger and turned her face toward him and caught her lips in a tender kiss.

"No matter what; everything's going to be okay," he told her as he looked into her eyes.

She exhaled a weighted breath and offered him a small apologetic smile. "Bear with me, Rick."

"That's not a problem," he assured. "Come on; let's go find a movie to watch."

"Okay," she said as she took his hand and rose from the table. She doubted that a movie would occupy her mind, but she'd do her best for him.

* * *

><p>Johanna and Jim were halfway through dinner when her phone buzzed. She rose from the table and crossed the room to grab it from the counter.<p>

"Who is it?" Jim asked.

"It's a text from Katie," she replied as she opened the message.

"_Castle just tweeted the picture. I'll talk to you later."_

Her stomach twisted into a knot, the dinner she had been enjoying suddenly unappealing.

"What is it?" her husband inquired.

"They tweeted the picture," Johanna answered as she laid the phone down. She didn't have any response to give and she read between the lines of her daughter's message and got the hint that Kate didn't want a response even if she did have something to say.

Jim watched her as she remained at the counter, lost in thought…and he was sure her thoughts were probably things she was better off not thinking about.

"Don't let it worry you, Jo. It's just a picture. By now everyone has seen dozens of pictures of all of us; this is no different."

"It is different; this is the picture they've been wanting."

"Now they have it," Jim replied; "And they can make of it what they will. None of them matter. Don't get upset before you need to, okay? Let's just wait and see what happens."

"Okay," she replied; brushing a lock of hair back from her face.

She might say okay but she'd still worry all night about it, Jim thought to himself. He had to keep her calm and occupied while they waited for the inevitable. "Sweetheart, are there any more potatoes?"

The question pulled her from her thoughts and spurned her into action as she moved to the stove. "Yeah, I've been keeping them warm in case you wanted more," she told him as she picked up the pot and carried it to the table. She spooned more mashed potatoes onto his plate and then returned the pot to the stove. "Do you want more gravy?"

"Of course," he answered. "If you made it, I always want more."

She smiled and poured more gravy into the bowl that sat in the center of the table. "I guess it's better than your mother's."

He laughed; "Everything you make is better than my mother's. Now sit back down and finish your dinner."

She wasn't really hungry anymore but from the way he was eyeing her, she knew it would be useless to say so or to attempt to start the clean up of the kitchen. She retook her seat and poured some more gravy over her roast and then picked up her fork.

He could tell that her mind was already starting to drift and he quickly started a new line of conversation. "Guess who Jeff ran into the other day."

"Who?"

"One of your all time favorite people; Stanley Carmichael."

"Oh my god," Johanna said; "He's still around?"

"Yeah, he is," Jim laughed.

"Is he still a major league jackass?"

"Now sweetheart, you know he is. There's no cure for that."

She laughed; "Did Jeff torment him for old times sake?"

"He wouldn't be Jeff if he didn't; and besides, he had material he just couldn't pass up."

Johanna's brow rose, "And what would that be?"

"A very bad toupee that Stanley was wearing."

"Oh I wish I had seen that," she laughed.

"It was awful," Jim replied. "Jeff took a picture and showed me."

"I want to see it!"

"I'll text him when I'm done eating and see if he still has it, he can send it to you."

"I can't wait. I can just imagine Stanley wearing a bad toupee…it seems very fitting. I wonder if he's still giving himself those pep talks in front of the mirror."

"Knowing him he probably is," Jim laughed. "If being caught by Jeff wasn't enough to stop him, nothing will."

She shook her head as she thought of her former nemesis; "I can't believe no one's choked him yet."

"Me neither; but just keep in mind that I did punch him in the face once."

Johanna smiled; "And you still aren't going to tell me what he said about me, are you?"

"Nope," he replied; noting that her food was disappearing at a normal rate as he kept the conversation flowing. "You don't need to know. How about after dinner we find something to watch on TV and play cards?"

"That sounds good to me," she answered as she picked up her glass and took a sip. "Has Jeff had any other run ins that you forgot to tell me about?"

He smiled; she wanted to keep the conversation going; that was good. He had her mind settled for now and he just had to keep it that way. "Not that I know of, but I did forget to give you a message from someone I saw the other day when I was heading into Zach's office to help him with that case."

"Who was it?"

"Angie," he replied; and her eyes lit up at the sound of his niece's name. "I swear I meant to tell you, Jo; but I got to working on that case and it just slipped my mind until you mentioned running into people."

"It happens," she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "What's my message?"

"She told me to tell you that she loves you and that she can't wait to see you."

Johanna smiled; that was a pleasing thought. She'd much rather think about Angie and whatever stories Jim had to tell about former colleagues instead of thinking about what was to come in terms of the news and headlines now that they had given in and released that picture.


	2. Chapter 2

_Authors Note: I'm sorry for the delay with this chapter; some unexpected real life events got in the way and took its toll on my writing mojo. Thanks for your reviews; I'm so glad to see so many of you back for the next part of the journey!_

Chapter 2 – Bright Lights

"_Some things in this world you just can't change, some things you can't see until it gets too late, baby when all your love is gone, who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world?" –Matchbox Twenty_

"How long has it been?" Kate asked with a pointed glance at Castle's phone.

"It's ten minutes later than the last time you asked," he answered.

"Well shouldn't you check the damn thing?" she replied; agitation seeping into her tone. Now that the picture of her and Johanna was floating around out there in cyber space, she just wanted to get the initial sting of reaction over with. Her mind had been in turmoil ever since Castle had sent the tweet, and she was having second thoughts about the whole thing. Of course it was a little late for second thoughts, she reminded herself. The deed was already done; there was no going back, just as she had been warned…but a part of her wished she could go back and change her mind.

"It's barely been an hour, Kate."

"So? I thought you'd be bouncing off the walls with energy over this; checking it every five minutes to see how it was doing. Why are you being so calm about this?"

"Because you're on edge enough for both of us," he answered. "I figured if we waited an hour, it would not only give the picture time to circulate, but it would also give you time to get absorbed in the movie and maybe relax a little."

She arched a brow; "Did you really think that was going to happen?"

"No; but I had hope."

"Guess I popped your bubble again," she replied; forcing a small smile to her lips as she tried to lighten her mood...a task that felt somewhat impossible but she'd try for his sake.

"I'm used to it," Castle quipped; returning her smile as he fiddled with his phone and opened his Twitter account. "549 re-tweets so far," he announced. "That's pretty good for a tweet that's barely an hour old."

"What about comments?"

His gaze moved down the screen; quickly reading the comments before relaying a summary to Kate. "It looks like everyone is of the opinion that you're both gorgeous. See, I told you everything would be fine."

Kate eyed him and then snatched the phone from his hand. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"You didn't really think I was just going to take your word for it, did you?"

"Well you'd think that you'd take my word for things now that I've seen you naked."

Her gaze snapped back to his face. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Nothing, I just like saying it," he grinned.

"I should've known," she laughed; but the gesture quickly died on her lips as she read one of the comments.

"What's wrong?"

"I think your muse was better off when her mother was 'dead'," she read aloud.

"That's just one persons opinion, Kate. We both expected to see a few negative comments like that."

"I know...but expecting it and seeing it is two different things. Listen to this one; "She must be really stupid to forgive her mother so easily."

"Kate..."

_"Johanna Beckett isn't deserving of sympathy." _

"Kate."

"The muse and the fraud...or maybe the better term is fool; that's what her mother made her out to be," she continued to read. "_If I was her I wouldn't be sitting there with that liar, acting like I was happy." _

"Beckett, stop," he said firmly.

"How can I stop, Castle? It's there, how can I not read it? I'm eventually going to see it somewhere anyway; I may as well get it over with now. Look at this one from Vixen_MTC; "_There is no beauty in being a martyr for a cause that doesn't exist or in being a coward who abandons her family to save herself."_

"I really don't think we should pay much heed to someone who calls themselves Vixen_MTC; clearly that person is heartless, to say the least," Castle stated. "I just wonder what the MTC stands for...married twenty criminals? Mighty tough chestnut? Malicious tongued creature?"

She gave a small laugh; "I don't think you're on your A game tonight, Castle."

"I don't know about that; I managed to make you laugh a little."

She gave him a hint of a smile; "I retract the statement."

"Thank you; but listen, don't let the negative comments get to you. It's the internet; you're always going to find a few crazies."

"I deal with enough crazies at work," she replied.

He pondered that for a moment before glancing at her with a look of mock suspicion. "Was that a shot at me?"

"No," Kate answered; a brief smile touching her lips before she frowned once again. _"How can she sit next to someone who caused her so much pain?"_

_"How can Johanna Beckett look her family in the face after what she did to them?"_

_"If I was Detective Beckett, I'd never trust her or forgive her." _

"Here's one that wants to know what you really think about all of this, Castle."

He gently pulled the phone from her hand; "I'm sure there are probably a few of those; along with a few questioning the true nature of our relationship; but let's forget about all of those and read some of the positive ones, okay?"

She gave a nod and he began to pluck the positive comments from amongst the rubbish.

_"They're both gorgeous; hopefully they'll have some peace soon."_

_"Beautiful as well as courageous. I hope they can be happy now."_

_"It's so nice to see this mother and daughter reunited; I hope it all works out for them."_

_"Hoping this second chance for these ladies means a new character in the life of Nikki Heat."_

_"Kate and Johanna Beckett were the victims in this; they don't deserve to be vilified." _

_"So beautiful; it's nice to see them smiling."_

_"I feel so badly for the way they're being treated in the press. It isn't fair; no one has the right to judge them like that."_

"_I have a feeling she inherited far more than just beauty from her mother."_

Castle read a few more out loud to her and then caught her eye; "See, there's support out there; there are people who see this situation for what it is and they have compassion for both of you and know that you deserve what you're going through."

"Those people are hard to hear among the rest," she replied quietly. "It's hard to live with the fact that people are sitting around dissecting your life and judging you and the people you love for something you had no control over. I don't like being on display like this. When Nikki Heat first started; there was attention on me, still is in a small respect to that area and at first it bothered me…a lot; but then I realized it wasn't really all that invasive like I had feared and once the novelty wore off; it died down and evaporated into nearly nothing with the exception of the book release parties. But this…this is on a whole other scale. They're just constantly digging for any scrap they can get, either about me or my mother or about you and me, or about all of us as a whole and it's suffocating in some ways. I thought this might help; but after seeing some of those comments all I can think about is, if that's what normal, everyday people like me are thinking and saying, then what are they going to say on the news and in the papers? Did I just make things worse?"

Castle laid his phone aside and then wrapped an arm around Kate; pulling her snugly against him. "You haven't made things worse. The things we just read…they aren't anything you haven't already heard," he said gently.

"I know," she replied; wrapping her arms around him tightly; "But I heard those things from the press…not the public at large. I know I probably sound like a broken record about all of this but…"

"No," he responded; rubbing his hand against her back. "I get it, really I do. This is tough for you, you aren't used to this kind of attention and you don't want it, but I promise it isn't going to be this way forever, Kate. One day you're going to wake up and be old news and you'll be able to put it all behind you. People are going to think what they want; you can't change that or control it."

"It's like some of them enjoy it though; like they get some kind of thrill out of other people's misery; and that shouldn't be a surprise to me. I've seen this happen to other people; I've seen this sort of thing go towards motives at work…and yet I can't help but be surprised by it when it's directed at me."

"That's probably because no one ever expects it to happen to them," he answered; "But you're going to get through it; and at the risk of joining you in the broken record club, I'm here, you're not doing this alone."

She tipped her head up to press a kiss against his lips and then laid her head on his shoulder. "Do you think it's going to make the news tonight?"

"I don't know; let's see if its appeared on the news feeds on the internet," he said as he shifted and reached for his laptop which he had moved to the coffee table with this purpose in mind. It took him only a matter of minutes to find what he was looking for.

"_First photo of Kate and Johanna Beckett together, surfaces."_

Kate glanced at him; "I guess we're making the news tonight."

Castle nodded; "That looks to be a safe bet; but that's good; the sooner they report it, the sooner they can move on to something else."

She smiled at that thought; "Right; and maybe they'll go bother someone else tomorrow."

He put his laptop back on the stand and then pulled her back into his arms; "We can hope; but for now, try to relax and enjoy the rest of the movie. Eleven o'clock news casts will be here soon enough."

She snuggled against him; exhaling a long steadying breath. Everything would be fine…she hoped.

* * *

><p>Time was passing slowly as they waited on the eleven o'clock newscast, and Castle could sense Kate's unease growing as each second dragged by. The movie wasn't distracting her at all; she was too busy checking the tweet every ten minutes; analyzing new comments and keeping track of the number of re-tweets. In a new effort to distract her, he picked up his laptop and opened up the Amazon page for his book and began reading reviews out loud.<p>

"Do you think this one is from your mother?" he asked. "A good read, but somewhat predictable."

"I doubt it," Kate replied as she frowned at his phone.

"How about this one; "One of the best books of the year. No one comes close to Mr. Castle's skill with the written word."

"Definitely not," she laughed. "There's no way she'd stroke your ego like that."

"Why are you laughing? You don't agree with that review?" he asked; feigning distress at the idea.

"Castle, that review sounds like it was written by you."

His gaze darted away for a split second. "I did not write that."

Kate eyed him as if he was a suspect in the interrogation room. "You did write it, didn't you?"

"I didn't leave this review," he reiterated.

She continued to study him; picking up on his tells. "But you wrote it for whoever left it, isn't that right?"

He did his best not to squirm but didn't succeed entirely. "Would I do that?"

"Castle."

"What?"

"Who did you pay?"

"I resent the implication," he remarked.

"Tell me who it was, Castle."

He coughed a name. "What was that?" she asked. "I didn't quite catch it."

His eyes darted away from her. "Ryan."

"Ryan!"

"Yes," he whined. "His rates are more reasonable than Esposito's."

She shook her head at him; "I can't believe you did that!"

"Every good review helps, Beckett. Besides; I'm hardly the first author to offer a little compensation for a glowing endorsement."

"You get plenty of non-solicited reviews that are full of praise."

He chuckled; "Yeah but here's the thing, we always want more and there's no harm in it; it helps up my rating. What name do you think your mother will use to leave her review?"

"I don't know; but I'm pretty sure you're wasting your time. She's not going to leave you a review today when she has that run in with Sharon on her mind and this picture floating around on the internet, ready to become the next headline."

"I've taken that theory into consideration, but then I thought; what if that's what she wants me to think? She wants to torment me; so she's going to leave it when I least expect it, and then of course; I have to find which one belongs to her and if I'm not looking for it, that would make it even harder. I'm on to her. She could be shifty like that."

Kate's eyes were once again on the comments of the tweet. "Castle; I think the less said about my mother's ability to be shifty right now, the better."

"Kate," he said gently; "Don't let the opinions of other people get into your head and make you think differently of her. You've come a long way with her."

"That doesn't mean it can't still hurt, Rick," she replied softly as she laid the phone aside.

"I know it still hurts; but you said you forgave her..."

"Again, that doesn't mean it can't still hurt."

"Agreed; I just don't want you to let all of these voices into your head. These people don't matter; but you do. She has plenty of people against her, and when you get right down to it, all she really has is you and your dad. I don't think she could handle it if she lost you now after she had that big taste of hope that everything was going to be okay between the two of you."

"She's not losing me," Kate stated. "It's just...hard to have it all dragged up publicly and to be reminded of it; not that I'm in danger of forgetting. Some people might like broadcasting their pain for the world but I don't. I hate it. I hate having people pick at things that are better off left alone."

He put his laptop aside and drew her into his arms. "I know," he said quietly before brushing a kiss against her hair. "I'm sorry you have to go through this. I wish there was something more I could do...but I just don't know what it is right now."

"There's nothing you can do," she replied as she snuggled into him. "Besides what you've already been doing that is."

"I'm going to try harder to think of something better," Castle promised.

Kate smiled slightly as she clung to him. "I just want it to go away."

"I know you do; and one day it will...but not right now."

"This is one of those things I wish you could make different if you were writing it."

"If I could, I would. I'd rewrite anything that hurt you, Kate."

Tears sprung to her eyes and she tipped her head up to kiss him tenderly. "I love you."

"I love you too; and don't worry; it seems like all of this attention and the stress will last forever; but it won't. You'll look back on it one day and laugh."

She regarded him with a raised brow; her eyes screaming the sentiment "Are you serious?"

He smiled; "Okay so maybe you won't laugh...but you'll be able to look back and say I got through it as I do all things."

"I'm looking forward to that day."

"I'm sure you're not the only one. It's just about time for the news," Castle said; keeping one arm around her as he reached for the remote.

Kate took a deep breath and then released it slowly; "Here we go...again."

As the newscast began, she found a part of herself hoping that the picture wouldn't be mentioned, while on the other hand she was anxious to get it over with, just as she had been with the comments online. Castle kept her tucked against his side; rubbing a soothing hand along her arm as the news anchor droned on about stories they couldn't even bring themselves to pretend to care about.

"_Tonight, the first photo of Johanna and Kate Beckett together has surfaced in a tweet posted by author Richard Castle…"_

They watched intently as the photo appeared on the screen, along with the caption of Castle's tweet. The anchorwoman gave a summary of their ordeal and then proceeded to speak of them as video from their most recent sightings in public played on.

"She looks terrified," Castle commented as they viewed the footage of Johanna and Jim as they had left the restaurant the night before.

"How can you tell? She has those damn sunglasses on," Kate remarked. "She always has those sunglasses on."

"I can tell by her body language," he replied; the rest of his statement dying on his lips as the report continued on, along with more footage.

"…_Johanna Beckett, who has spent the last thirteen years in witness protection, has yet to make a public statement about her ordeal; or any statement about anything for that matter. She tends to keep herself locked away in her home and on the occasions when she does step out into public, she keeps herself concealed behind a pair of dark sunglasses, her head often lowered as she shuns the attention of the media. She never says a word, never smiles and always clings to her husband. She's never seen alone, and until today, she's never been seen with her daughter, Kate; which has lead to much speculation that the two are estranged._

_Kate Beckett is a detective with the NYPD in the homicide division; and she's the woman who ultimately arrested Senator William H. Bracken last month in connection to the case involving her mother. Detective Beckett is widely known as the inspiration for the character of Nikki Heat in a series of novels written by Richard Castle…"_

"They threw this big segment together pretty quick, didn't they?" Kate asked as they continued on about her and Castle's involvement with the 12th precinct.

"They've probably been preparing for it in advance," he replied.

"_We asked people on the street outside our studio for their opinion…"_

"This should be good," she muttered.

"…_The picture is nice but I'd like to hear them tell their side of the story on camera…"_

"Don't hold your breath," Kate remarked.

"…_I don't think they're as innocent in all of this as they want to act; the mother was a lawyer; the daughter's a cop; you know their hands aren't squeaky clean…"_

"You don't know us," she couldn't help but yell back at the screen.

Which was sort of the point, Castle thought to himself; they wouldn't talk and no one was getting to _know _them the way they should in order to have a more informed opinion about the matter. He'd keep that thought to himself though; it was best not to rock the boat right now.

"…_I think everyone needs to let them alone."_

"Finally, a voice of reason," Kate exclaimed.

"…_I agree that she needs to talk; but I guess if I had put my family through what she did, I wouldn't want to talk about it either. You know she has to be ashamed…"_

They aired a few more opinions and then switched back to the news crew. "What do you think?" the anchorwoman, Laura, asked her co-anchor.

"I agree with the majority of people; I want to see them sit down and tell us their story," he answered.

"So do I," Laura agreed; and then with a grin she added; "And I think I want a pair of those sunglasses that Johanna Beckett wears."

The co-anchor Carl laughed; "I think she's starting a trend with those; I don't know what brand they are but that company should probably send her a thank you note."

"She very well could be setting a trend; her sunglasses are mentioned a great deal when she's spotted."

"She has got to stop wearing those damn sunglasses," Kate declared; her voice carrying an edge.

"Kate; if the worst thing they're saying is about the sunglasses; you should probably count yourself lucky."

She pulled away from him; her eyes narrowing slightly as she looked at him. "They're making fun of her, Castle. They're laughing at her, and I don't think it's funny and I don't consider it counting myself lucky. She hangs on to those damn things like a security blanket that she can hide behind."

"Listen; I understand that and maybe she does need to stop cowering so much; but you and everyone else has to think of this; for thirteen years, she was living in a world where she couldn't talk about herself. She couldn't get close to anybody. She worked, she had a friend or two, but they weren't close to her; she might have given the impression of being a functioning member of society, but she wasn't, Kate. She was locked up inside of herself for so long; and then psychically locked away in your apartment for several months; and yes, I know, you took her out whenever you could; but she wasn't talking to people outside a small inner circle; she wasn't interacting with the world…and maybe she's forgotten how to do that without fear. It's her nature to hide now."

"Well it's time she stops hiding," she remarked. "It's time for her to be brave and strong; just like she was last month."

"She will be brave and strong again…in her own time."

"You think I'm too hard on her, don't you?" Kate asked quietly after a moments pause.

Castle choose his words cautiously; "Sometimes; but it isn't your intent. I think you just want her to be the person she always was; the person she was learning to become again while staying with you. All of this attention on her is probably a little bit of set back, but I think she'll get there…and so will you."

"Me?"

He nodded; "You're going to feel better soon too, Kate."

She curled back up against him; her arms going around him. "I hope so…because I don't like feeling like this."

"I know," he murmured; once again at a loss of how to make it better; but he'd come up with something…eventually.

* * *

><p>As Johanna sat next to Jim in their bed that night, she listened intently as the news about the photo was reported. She clutched her book, which she had closed when the stories switched and anxiety filled her as the details of the case were summarized and added to. Finally the news team reappeared, but the photo of her and Kate was still visible on the screen to the side of the news anchor.<p>

"_They look so much nicer when they smile," the anchor woman, Vanessa, stated; her tone somewhat snarky._

"Well that the hell do we have to smile about lately?" Johanna asked; her defenses rising.

"_What I want to know," the co-anchor stated; "Is how did they convince the mother to take off her sunglasses? I don't think I've ever seen her without them."_

_Vanessa gave a laugh; "That is a good question. She does seem to where them everywhere; not that she ventures out much. She does seem to be a bit of a recluse."_

"I can't imagine why!" Johanna yelled at the television.

"What they say doesn't matter, Jo," Jim stated as he laid a hand against her wrist in hopes of calming her.

"I wear sunglasses because I can't stand all of those flashes going off in my face," she went on in defense of herself; ignoring his statement.

"You don't have to have a reason to wear them," he replied.

"_I think instead of a picture, I'd rather hear her talk," the weatherman said as he joined his colleague's conversation. "The daughter only says 'No comment' and the mother doesn't talk at all. She seems to let her husband do her talking for her, not that he says much either."_

"_I agree," the snarky anchorwoman replied. "I mean she does have a voice, doesn't she? I think she needs to tell her side of the story…"_

"It's none of your damn business!" Johanna exclaimed.

"Jo, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down," she retorted; pulling her hand away from his touch.

"…_Her reluctance to talk only makes people wonder what she has to hide…"_

"If I can find your number, I'm going to have plenty to say to you, you twit," she stated as she flung her book across the room in anger.

"That didn't solve anything," Jim remarked as the book hit the floor. "Now you just have to pick it up and you probably lost your page."

Her green eyes blazed as she looked at him. "Well maybe it made me feel better."

"It doesn't seem like it."

"…_I'm not so sure I buy this happy family angle they're trying to push," the co-anchor remarked._

Johanna's gaze darted back to the TV screen just in time to see the image of the photo fade as they switched topics. She couldn't stand it. She was being picked apart like a Thanksgiving turkey…but at least the turkey was liked. She didn't care so much about being liked; it was the scrutiny that made her angry; the judgment that strangers so quickly bestowed upon her.

"Don't let them get to you, Johanna," Jim stated gently. "It's only one news team."

"And you think the others are going to be different?"

"They could be."

"I doubt it," she scoffed.

"It wasn't all that bad…it could've been worse."

That was easy for him to say, she thought. He wasn't the one being ridiculed for staying home and wearing sunglasses when she went out. He wasn't the one they were calling a coward. He wasn't the one who was being accused of hiding something. It was all on her; and maybe that was fitting, but she didn't have to like it.

"I knew this picture thing was a bad idea," she stated.

"Then why did you do it?" Jim asked.

"Because I had to."

"You don't have to do anything. You could've said no."

"Oh really?" she asked. "You heard what Katie said…you really think I could say no to her after everything I've put her through? Do you really think I can, Jim?"

"Yes," he answered. "Saying no to Katie doesn't make you any less apologetic about what's happened, Johanna. Letting her guilt trip you for the rest of your life isn't going to make it go away."

"You make it sound so easy."

"It is. You're allowed to say no; and if you don't say no when it's something you feel strongly about…then you have to take some blame for that."

"And keep my mouth shut about it, right?" she asked as she glanced at him; because that was what she was hearing. She wasn't sure if it was her mood going up and down or if it was him bouncing from side to side…not that there were sides, but it suddenly felt like he was changing sides, if there were any.

He released a weighted breath as she threw back the covers and turned her back to him as she sat on the edge of the bed. It was going to be a long night. "I didn't say that."

"I think it was implied."

She was so sensitive, he thought to himself; more sensitive than he could ever recall her being but he figured that was probably only natural right now. "Sweetheart, you've always been able to say anything you want to me, you know that; and that hasn't changed."

It kind of felt like it had, she mused. She felt like he was saying that since she had agreed to the photo, that she wasn't justified to be angry about the comments that were being made on the news about it. She also felt like if she had said no to Kate, she would've been accused of selfishness…and of hiding once again. No matter which way she turned, she was either wrong or not justified in her thoughts and actions. She just couldn't help it…there was just a well of anger simmering deep within her and she was trying very hard to keep it suppressed. She didn't always succeed…like right now. She shouldn't have said anything about the newscast; she should've kept it to herself.

Johanna sighed as she rose from the bed and picked up her robe, slipping into it as she crossed the room on her trek to the door.

"Where are you going?" Jim asked.

"Downstairs…I need to have a moment."

"I thought you were having one here."

"I was," she answered; "But I think maybe I need to have it alone. I'll be back."

"I don't think you should bake anything else for awhile," he commented as she reached for the doorknob. "We have enough now to feed a small village."

Her head fell against the doorframe. She couldn't go out on her own, she couldn't go out in public without attention, she couldn't be angry about something she went along with, she couldn't say no to her daughter, and now she couldn't bake either.

"What can I do then?" she asked somewhat tartly.

"Pick up your book and come back to bed," he replied; ignoring her tone.

Johanna shook her head, "I'm going downstairs."

"Johanna, don't go looking for more news channels."

She turned towards him, "Do you want to make me a list of things I'm not allowed to do?"

He was silent for a moment as he processed that statement. He supposed he had been bossing her around a bit lately…more than she normally would allow. "I'm sorry, sweetheart; I didn't mean to make it seem that way."

She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the door for a moment. "It's not you, it's me. I'm sorry. I'll go downstairs for a little while and find something to do and then I'll be fine and I'll come back to bed."

Jim nodded reluctantly, "Alright; if that's what you feel like you need to do."

"I won't be long," she promised. "I just need to…have that moment and get over it."

He scrubbed a hand over his face as she slipped out of the room. Tomorrow he wasn't going to say a word when she hid away upstairs, and he wasn't going to mention their next venture out of the house. He would make sure to hide the newspaper and keep the TV tuned to anything but news and talk shows. He'd give her a break tomorrow; today had been too much, from Kate's visit to her run in with Sharon, and the photo taking and then the news. She was entitled to a bad mood tonight; he should've been more understanding.

Johanna's phone rang and he shifted to reach across the bed and snatch it off of her nightstand. 'Katie', the screen read, and he accepted the call with a slight sigh, wondering what her mood was going to be.

"Hello."

"Where's Mom?" his daughter asked.

"Downstairs having a moment as she terms it," Jim replied. "If it's not important, I'd suggest you talk to her in the morning."

"I just wanted to see if she saw anything about the picture…but I guess she has."

"Yeah; that anchorwoman on channel 7 better hope your mother doesn't find her phone number."

"I didn't watch that one," Kate replied. "I watched the news on channel 11…"

"And?"

"And I guess it could've been worse than it was…they just mainly hate our silence."

"Are you changing your mind about that?" Jim asked. "You can, you know. You don't have to be silent because we are. If you want to talk about it, go ahead."

"No, I don't want to do that. I just hope I didn't make things worse with what I've done."

"Everything will be fine, Katie."

"That's what I keep being told."

"Believe it," he told her. "We can't all be wrong."

His daughter was silent for a moment before speaking again. "Is she mad at me?"

"No…she's mad at herself and the world at large but she isn't mad at you."

"You didn't include yourself in that statement; did you make her mad at you?" Kate asked with a soft laugh.

"I might have; I told her not to bake anything else…I took away her stress release so she's probably a little miffed at me and I'll be punished, but I can take it."

"Guess you're in for a long night."

"Most likely."

"I'm sorry," Kate stated.

"For what?"

"I feel like it's partly my fault. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed her."

"She's just had a bad day…or more like two," he amended. "Everything will be fine; you don't need to be sorry."

"Alright…I guess I better go and try to get some sleep. I'll call her sometime tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Katie; I love you."

"I love you too, Dad…pass it on if it seems safe enough."

He chuckled; "I'll tell her."

After they said goodnight, Jim ended the call and put Johanna's phone back on the nightstand, wondering what his wife had found to occupy her time downstairs.

* * *

><p>Johanna closed her laptop after reading the wealth of comments that had been made on Castle's twitter page in regard to his tweet. She wiped a tear away; there had been plenty of kind replies…but there had also been some less than savory ones as well; including the sector of people who made it clear that her daughter should hate her for the rest of her life. Maybe she should, but she didn't want that, and she hoped to keep avoiding it, but she kept thinking about how Kate might change her mind and decide not to want her around after all. She shoved that thought away as she leaned back in her desk chair. Her gaze was drawn towards her mother's piano, and suddenly she felt pulled in that direction, as if Naomi McKenzie was beckoning her to come and sit down.<p>

She hesitated for a moment and then got up from her chair and moved to the piano and pulled out the bench. Again she hesitated, choosing to drop to her knees and open the bench instead of sitting down. All of her mother's sheet music was still stacked neatly inside and Johanna reached in and reverently pulled out the books of sheet music. She ran a hand over the cover of the one on top; imagining all the times her mother had touched them and feeling the connection to her. She sifted through them, and when she pulled more from the bench, one slipped from the stack and fell into her lap. Johanna paused as she glanced down at it. The Sound of Music, the cover read. A pang of longing and grief rippled through her heart. Her parents had taken her to see The Sound of Music when it debuted on Broadway; she had been eight years old, and for once, Frankie and Colleen had been left behind and she had her mother and father all to herself. She had been enthralled with the production from the moment the curtain went up and the enchantment lasted long after it had gone down. She had loved everything about it; especially the music and she had begged her mother to buy the sheet music so they could learn to play it.

That had been her first Broadway show; and her parents had been so pleased with her good behavior during the show that they rewarded her at the end of every school year with a trip to the theater if she had done well in school. She glanced at the emerald ring on her right hand. Those trips to the theater with her parents had been important to her; it had always seemed so odd that her no nonsense father didn't mind sitting through a play once or twice a year. It was even stranger to her that he never seemed to mind taking her. Her memory drifted a bit; recalling an occasion when she had been 15 and had gone to the theater with her father…just the two of them. It was a rare occurrence for him to take her somewhere without someone else being present, and she had cherished that night…as she cherished all of those trips; which lent itself to why the theater was so very special to her. She ran her hand over the music for The Sound of Music and smiled; that first experience would always be her favorite though; just as the hours upon hours she had spent at the piano learning to play the music with her mother at her side, were among her favorite childhood memories.

Johanna carefully picked up the stacks of music she had removed from the bench and placed them back inside; keeping The Sound of Music out. She picked up the sheet music and took a seat on the bench; flipping through the pages of the song book and finding 'The Sound of Music' which had been her favorite number and then placing the book in its proper place. Her eye caught site of the photo sitting atop the piano that showed her and her mother and 5 year old Kate sitting at that very same piano.

"Mama," she whispered as she stared at it for a long moment. "How I wish you were here."

A lump grew in her throat and she swallowed hard. She and Naomi had their ups and downs like all mothers and daughters did; there was no doubt about that, but they had loved one another regardless of what issue might come up between them now and then. The anniversary of her passing was coming up, and that old ache of grief was being felt as she sat on that bench, remembering the beautiful music her mother could craft on that instrument. What she wouldn't give to have her back…to lay her head in her lap and cry out all of her hurts and frustrations as she had done as a child; to feel that soft slender hand move over her head in comfort. A tear broke free and she brushed it away; pushing those thoughts away as well as she lifted the lid and revealed the keys of the piano. It had been 19 years…19 years since she had played; the last time had been at her mother's request, and as she had played every song she knew until her fingers cramped and demanded that she quit, she had known that she'd never get to play for her mother again.

She hesitated; her fingers hovering above the keys before she carefully lowered them into place. After a long moment of contemplation, her fingers began to move, soft notes filling the air as she started off slowly, trying to reacquaint herself with the piece and the instrument.

* * *

><p>Jim was still sitting in their bed, reading a book when the first chords of music reached his ear. At first he thought it was coming from the television which was still playing in the background, but as he glanced at the screen, he realized that it wasn't coming from there at all. He listened intently to the sound. That was a piano…and it was coming from within the house. He was well aware of the fact that they owned a piano; Naomi McKenzie's piano to be exact…but he was also well aware of the fact that his wife hadn't been able to bring herself to play it once her mother was gone.<p>

The music continued; its composer clearly stumbling over a piece of the music as a few misplaced notes filled the air. It had to be Johanna, who else could it be? As he threw back the covers and got out of bed, he couldn't help but wonder what had made her touch those keys for the first time in almost two decades.

* * *

><p>Johanna pulled her hands away from the keys in frustration as she once again stumbled over the notes. A sheen of tears stung her eyes. She was out of practice; she had lost the skill her mother had so lovingly taught her from the age of four. She buried her face in her hands at the thought. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind, she recalled a struggle with a complicated piece of music that she had been learning. She could feel Naomi's hand on her back and her mother's voice sounded in her ear as if she was sitting next to her on the bench as she had been long ago.<p>

"_Relax, Johanna; take a few breaths…"_

Johanna dropped her hands from her face, her eyes remaining closed as she took a few steadying breaths.

"_Remember that you must feel the music; you can't fight it and bend it to your will. You have to connect to it and let it flow through your fingertips. The music guides you, not the other way around. Don't force it or rush it, let it take it's own pace. Just relax and take your time, Bambina. You don't have to be perfect. Now try again."_

She opened her eyes and exhaled slowly; forcing herself to let go of the frustration as she repositioned her fingers on the keys and started over.

Jim stood silently in the doorway of their office; his presence going unnoticed as he watched his wife. He had been tempted to say something when he had seen her with her head bowed, but something had held him back, and as she began to play again, he felt that maybe he had been right to remain quiet as she worked through it on her own. She played the piece more smoothly this time; fumbling only twice as she made herself finish the song. Still he said nothing, content to watch her smile in the dim light as she closed her eyes before glancing up at the picture of her mother. She then picked up the sheet music and flipped through it, selecting a different number and putting it back in place. Moments later, the melody of 'My Favorite Things' filled the air. He smiled; he had always loved to watch her play, and as he stood there in the shadows, he could see the tension easing from her body as she concentrated on the music. He wanted to praise her; to tell her how happy Naomi would be that she was playing again, but now wasn't the time. She had found solace, and he'd be a fool to disturb it. He forced his feet to move and headed back for the stairs, the music following him as he went.

* * *

><p>When Castle's kiss goodnight lingered and turned into hints that he was hoping for more, Kate reluctantly pulled back from him and gave him an apologetic look. "Castle…not tonight, okay?"<p>

"Are you sure?" he asked lightly; his lips skimming the line of her jaw. "It's guaranteed to take your mind off your troubles."

"Oh I know it is," she said with a small laugh; "But I don't think it would work tonight and you don't want me to fake it do you?"

He pretended to ponder that for a moment just to watch her brow rise as she regarded him. He smiled; "Of course I don't want you to fake it."

"Good; because I wasn't going to even if you said yes."

Castle chuckled quietly; "There's no doubt in my mind about that."

"I'm sorry," she murmured after a moment; his wandering hand turning into a soothing caress along her side.

"Hey, there's nothing to be sorry for. It's fine; and honestly, I expected it."

A soft laugh crossed her lips; "That's good to know; now I don't have to feel bad about popping your bubble."

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Kate sighed but nodded; "I guess I'm as okay as I can be; I mean I guess it could've been worse…and a part of me is glad the picture is out there and that it was done on our terms. It's the other part of me that nags at me about the whole thing."

"Tell that part to be quiet."

She giggled; "Why don't you tell it."

"Okay, tell me which part it is and I'll have a word with it," he quipped.

"I'm not sure which part it is exactly and I don't think I'm going to let you search for it," she replied.

"So much for not popping any bubbles."

Kate smiled and kissed him softly. "I'll let you look for it some other time."

"Deal; but for now, is there anything I can do for you?"

"You can just hold me," she whispered. "Just hold me and tell me some crazy story that will chase away all of the things I have to worry about, so I can sleep."

Castle nodded as he gathered her into his arms. "I'll hold you and I'll tell you a story…but it won't be a crazy one. It'll be a love story with a happy ending."

"That sounds like a story I want to hear," she answered as she settled against his chest.

* * *

><p>It was nearly two when Johanna finally returned to their bedroom; her eyes tired and her head still heavy with thoughts, but more settled now than it had been. Playing the piano had eased most of the tension from her body and she felt like she might able to settle down and sleep now. She moved cautiously toward the bed as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Her husband was asleep and that was probably for the best, she thought as she tip toed to his side and brushed a soft kiss against his cheek. Quietly she moved away; dropping her robe at the foot of the bed before climbing into her spot and curling up on her side with her back to her husband.<p>

She had no sooner pulled the covers up over her and settled in when Jim moved across the space between them, his arm heavy as it fell across her waist and his chest solid and warm against her back. There was a kiss pressed against her head and his sleepy voice sounded in her ear.

"I bet Naomi was so happy to hear you play again. I bet she was up there in heaven just beaming from ear to ear."

A lump formed in her throat. "You think so?" she asked softly.

"Mhmm."

"I'm not as good as I used to be," Johanna whispered into the darkness; feeling like that statement was true of most things in her life and not just her piano playing.

His arm tightened around her, as if he understood the layers of her statement. "You just need a little practice…and then you'll be just as good as you ever were."

She didn't know what to say to that; especially when there were times when she didn't think she'd ever be as good as she once was in most ways; so she settled for rubbing her hand against his arm in response.

"I thought you did just fine…a few little mistakes along the way doesn't distract from the piece of work as a whole…they just show that you were brave enough to keep going."

"Really?" she asked; a small tremor detectable in her soft tone as she realized that they were indeed talking about much more than just piano playing.

"Yes," Jim answered; "And I'm proud of you for it."

She held back the tears that sprang to her eyes but she did turn towards him; snuggling against him as her arm went around him. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"I'm sorry for earlier," she murmured.

"You were entitled," he replied. "You had a long tough day; try and sleep now, things will look better tomorrow."

Johanna whispered goodnight and then allowed her tired eyes to close, a dull ache forming in her head that she hoped sleep would ease. A better tomorrow was just what she needed; followed by a better week…a better month…and a better year.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Kate took a deep breath as she approached the group of reporters that was waiting on her outside the precinct. Suddenly she regretted the decision of leaving without Castle as he usually acted as her buffer between herself and the media; but it wasn't fair to always put him in that position. Being seen together day and night only fanned the flames of the rumors about their relationship too; and she was sure that no one was going to buy the carpooling for work excuse. She sighed softly as the cameras began to click. She also didn't want to be seen as needing someone to constantly hold her hand. There had been that subtle accusation towards her mother the night before on the news and she wasn't willing to be looked at in the same light. She could take care of herself, she could handle things. She didn't need to use Castle as her crutch; being in a relationship with him didn't give her that right, nor did she want to get into that habit.<p>

"Did you know Mr. Castle was tweeting that picture?" a reporter yelled out to her.

"Is that why he's not with you this morning? Did he do this behind your back?"

She feigned indifference; feeling a flicker of temper at the accusation that she had given him the boot but she felt like answering them would only encourage them and she didn't want that.

"What made you release that picture?" another one called out; apparently under the correct assumption that she had been privy to the whole thing.

"How are you and your mother really getting along? Anyone can fake a smile for a photo op," one of the more vicious vultures declared.

Her jaw tightened but she didn't rise to the bait as she kept walking. They surrounded her, making it hard for her to get away from them as their questions kept coming. "Let me through," she said sternly. "Unlike all of you, I don't get to make my living by harassing people in the street."

"Some might disagree about that," a photographer laughed.

Kate shot him a glare, which he in turn clicked a photo of. "How come you don't hide behind sunglasses like your mama?" he taunted. "Is it because you're the brave one and she's the coward."

"My mother isn't a coward," she stated through clinched teeth; although she sometimes felt that Johanna was acting a bit cowardly by hiding so much but that was completely different from what they were implying…at least she hoped it was.

"When are you going to give an interview?"

"How do you feel about…" "What do you think of…" "Why…"

The voices swirled around her, their sentences blending into each other as they rang in her ears. Every time she moved, they moved with her. So much for their brilliant idea about a photo making them go away. They weren't ever going away; that was starting to become clear.

"Back off of her," Esposito's firm voice called out from somewhere nearby.

The hoard turned toward him and she felt a hand wrap around her elbow and hustle her out of the crowd while they were distracted. She turned her head to see who had a hold of her arm and her gaze connected with Ryan's. The detective gave her a smile as he hurried her inside. "You looked like you needed a little back up out there."

"Thanks," she replied sincerely; forcing a small smile to her lips. How she hated having to be rescued yet again.

"It's not a problem," he assured. "Where's Castle?"

"I gave him the morning off from being my paparazzi bodyguard. He'll be here later."

Ryan smiled at the comment but took note of her tone and demeanor and fell quiet in response to it.

* * *

><p>Jim pulled the curtain back enough for a quick glance outside and as he expected, there were a few members of the press milling around on the sidewalk in front of the house. He allowed the curtain to fall back in place and then rubbed the back of his neck; feeling the tension that was knotting his muscles. He hated those people. This was one of those things you saw on the news but never expected to happen to you; and now that it had happened to them; he had a whole new respect for people who had to put up with the rabid press that camped out on their doorsteps. It wasn't an easy thing to live with, there was no denying that.<p>

He moved to the door and released the locks; preparing himself for the scramble of grabbing the newspaper as he tried to avoid detection. Jim eased open the front door and quickly unlatched the screen door, pushing it open just enough for him to grab the newspaper from the porch. He wasn't lucky enough to avoid detection this time, as voices started calling out to him as soon as his hand wrapped around the paper. He ignored the voices and quickly shut and locked the screen door; and then shut the front door and locked it against the intrusion as well.

Jim unrolled the paper and took a quick glance at it; seeing the picture of Johanna and Kate toward the bottom of the page. He didn't bother to read the article; there would be plenty of time for that later. For now, he had Johanna to see to and he headed for the stairs with the intent of checking on his wife in mind. She had woke him a little over an hour before; tearfully asking him to get her the prescription for her migraines that he had made her bring home from Wyoming. The fact that she had needed him to get up and get it for her, coupled with the fact that she was taking the medication voluntarily spoke volumes about the severity of the headache she was suffering from. He entered their bedroom quietly and made his way to her side of the bed; her heavy eyelids flicking open as he carefully sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Is the medicine kicking in yet, sweetheart?" he asked softly; his fingertips falling against her forehead and gently massaging the area.

"It's starting to," she whispered tiredly.

"Is there anything else I can do for you?"

Johanna gave him a small weak smile; he had given her her medicine, he had made the room as dark as possible; he had tucked the covers around her securely and comforted her the best he could. She was sure there wasn't anything left to do. "I think you covered everything, honey. Thank you."

He brushed a soft kiss against her cheek. "Don't fight the medicine; let it put you to sleep for awhile."

"Are there reporters outside?" she questioned as her eyelids drooped.

"No," he lied as he continued to massage her forehead.

"I thought I heard people."

"It was just the neighbors. They were trying to wrangle their kids into the car for school."

"Oh," she sighed; a hint of relief in her sleepy tone that told him that she bought his story.

He brushed another kiss against her cheek. "You rest now; everything's alright."

Just as Jim rose from his place beside her, Johanna's phone rang, causing her to flinch and inhale sharply. "I'll take care of it," he stated; grabbing her phone and hurrying out of the room with it.

Seeing Kate's name on the screen, he accepted the call. "Wait until I get downstairs, Katie," he stated; before pulling the bedroom door shut and moving down the hallway to the stairs.

"Where's Mom?" she asked once he came back on the line.

"Upstairs," he answered; but before he could explain why, Kate cut him off.

"So how long is she going to avoid me?"

"What are you talking about?" Jim asked.

"I called last night and you answered her phone because she was off having a moment; I call this morning and you answer her phone again; telling me to wait until you go downstairs and then you say that she's upstairs so clearly you were up there with her to begin with. I think it's pretty obvious that she's avoiding me; well I can't help what people are saying about the picture and if there's media outside the house, I can't help that either. I tried to make it better and I'm sorry that it apparently isn't going to work, but she doesn't need to play this stupid avoidance game with me because of it. If she's mad why doesn't she just get on the phone and say so, I can take it."

"Are you done?" her father asked as she took a breath.

"For the moment," Kate replied.

"If you would've let me finish, you wouldn't have had to go through that big spiel, Katie."

"What do you mean?"

"Your mother is upstairs in bed with a bad migraine; I grabbed her phone when it rang and left the room to come downstairs so I wouldn't keep her awake. She's not avoiding you."

Kate was silent for a moment; taking a deep breath that she then exhaled slowly. "I'm sorry; I'm a little on edge."

"I sensed that," Jim answered. "What's wrong, Katie? You didn't sound this tense last night."

"Is there media outside the house?"

"Yes; but I told your mother there wasn't so if you talk to her later; don't tell her otherwise. Were they waiting for you this morning too?"

"Yeah; they were outside the precinct when I got to work," she told him as she paced the break room.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said; raking a hand through her hair as she paced a few more steps. "I just…I guess I just thought I'd get up this morning and things would be okay; and I know that was stupid to think. It's not going to be that easy…but I just wanted some peace today, Dad."

There was a hint of anguish in her tone that tore at his heart and he wished he could fix this for her; chase away the people hounding her in the same way he used to chase monsters from her closet when she was little. He wished he could take her and Johanna away somewhere where he could protect them from the frenzy; but even if he could, he knew they'd never stand for it.

"It's not stupid, Katie. We all hoped for it; but listen, the picture is still news right now, it could still die down today and things will be calm tomorrow. It'll be okay."

"I hope so."

"Where's Rick?" Jim asked. "Isn't he taking care of you? Do I need to have a word with him?"

An amused breath crossed her lips, causing her to smile at her father's protective tone. "He's doing everything he can; I don't think you need to hunt him down. He'll be here in a little while."

"Didn't you leave together?"

"No," she said; her gaze darting around the room to make sure she was still alone as she dropped the tone of her voice. "We thought maybe it would be best if we left separately…we're trying to quell some of the speculation about us."

"That's not going to be easy to do in this situation."

"I know," she sighed; "But we have to try. He'll be here in a little while."

"Katie…" Jim began to say and then thought better of the statement that had formed on his tongue about the difficulties of keeping a relationship hidden in the midst of this media coverage.

"What?"

"Nothing," he replied; "Just try to relax and hopefully things will calm down tomorrow once the newness of this picture wears off."

"I have a feeling that isn't what you were going to say."

"You're right, it isn't, but what I was going to say doesn't matter."

Kate leaned back against the counter; "I get the feeling it involves my relationship."

"That's your mother's department to meddle in; I'm just here to kill him if he gets out of line…so you let me know if that needs done."

She laughed; "Thanks, I'll be sure to let you know…and I highly doubt that you're going to leave all the meddling to your wife."

"Well she does have to discuss it with someone."

She was quiet for a moment; feeling like a child for asking her next question again. "Are you sure she isn't mad at me?"

"I'm positive," Jim stated. "She volunteered to take her medicine for this one, Katie; that has to tell you how bad it is. As soon as she's up and feeling better, I'll tell her to call you."

"Alright; I better get to my desk. Call if you need me."

"I will. Be careful."

She promised that she would be and then ended the call and made the trek to her desk. Gates spotted her and headed in her direction; causing Kate to tense as she wondered if her captain was privy to new evidence regarding her and Castle or if it was something else entirely.

"Detective, I take it that circus outside is for you?" Gates questioned.

She nodded; "Yes, Sir; I'm sorry about…"

The Captain held up a hand to silence her; "Beckett, the next time you release something to the press, let me know in advance and then we can prepare for it and possibly keep them away from here."

She felt chastened although she was sure that Gates hadn't really meant the comment that way. She hadn't thought things through enough, which wasn't like her at all. Maybe some of Castle's leap before you look mentality was rubbing off on her…if it was, she better curb that. "I will next time," she answered. "I'm sorry."

The Captain nodded in response but eyed her astutely. "How are you doing with all of this?"

"I'm fine," Beckett stated.

Gates didn't look like she was completely convinced of that but she said nothing that indicated as such, much to Kate's relief. "How's your mother doing?"

"She's fine too."

"I saw her on TV the other night; she didn't look all that fine."

Kate stammered for a moment; "She…she'd just prefer to hide in the house for the rest of her life right now, but I'm sure that will pass as soon as some of this dies down."

"Has she considered counseling?"

She bit back a laugh at the mere idea of it; although she had thought herself that her mother would probably benefit from therapy. "I don't see that happening; my mother isn't fond of going to doctors, no matter what kind they are. I think my father is going to have to function as her therapist for the time being."

Gates picked up on Kate's subtle shifting on her feet and decided it was time to end the conversation as it was clear that she wasn't comfortable discussing the issue with her. "Let me know if there's anything I can do for you, Detective."

"I will," she replied, forcing a small smile to her lips as she held the Captain's gaze but as soon as the woman turned and headed toward her office, Kate allowed the smile to fizzle and sank into her chair. She felt a headache of her own coming on.

* * *

><p>Castle arrived at the precinct with coffee cups in hand nearly two hours later. "Where have you been?" Kate asked as he settled into his chair. "I thought you'd be here before now."<p>

"I would've been but I kept being stopped as I ran a few errands," he answered.

She frowned; "They're after you too today?"

"Well I am the one who tweeted the picture."

"I'm sorry, Castle," she told him. It felt like she had been issuing apologies all morning.

"No need to be sorry. I can deal with the reporters, that's no problem, and don't worry, I didn't tell them anything."

"You had to have said something."

He smiled; "I did more book promoting."

"Castle, as amusing as your promoting is…I don't want people thinking that you're using my situation to boost book sales."

"I hadn't thought of that," he frowned. "That's going to cut down on my evasive tactics."

"Sorry."

"Kate; you're starting to say sorry so much that you're starting to sound like your mother."

She wrinkled her nose in distaste, her lips parting to utter another apology but she caught herself as his brow rose. "Almost did it again, didn't you?" he said lightly.

"Yes; and thank you, now I'll be self-conscious about it and have the thought in my mind that I'm turning into my mother…because I don't have nearly enough problems."

"Sorry," Castle said with a sheepish smile.

The word made her laugh and his blue eyes sparkled in amusement. "You set me up for that, didn't you?" he asked.

"No, it just kind of worked out on its on; but still, telling me I'm turning into my mother is a low blow…even if I do love her."

"I didn't say you were turning into her; I said you were starting to sound like her."

"Same thing."

"It is not."

"It is but it's okay," Kate replied; "I guess it happens to everyone. After all, there are times when you remind me of Martha."

"What!" he exclaimed; drawing the stares of Ryan and Esposito, along with a few others.

"Sorry," Castle said as he looked around the room. "Nothing to see here; go back to your work."

Kate smirked at him, "You better watch, Castle; you're starting to say sorry so much that you're starting to sound like my mother."

"You're so cute when you're sarcastic."

An amused smile remained on her lips. "If you get to acting like your mother and mine, I may have to start rethinking things."

"First of all, I do not act like my mother," he stated.

"Oh you definitely have some Martha Rodgers tendencies," she replied.

"I'm sure you're mistaken; and secondly; I couldn't act like Johanna Beckett if I wanted to. Her narrowed eye death glare seems impossible to replicate…except for you; you do it very well and without even trying, and I'm certain I couldn't perfect that walk of hers either."

Kate glanced away from her papers to look at him oddly; "Her walk?"

"Yes; I've noticed that when she's in her element, the way she walks showcases it. It's confident…it's sassy."

"Okay, I can see that; but why are you observing my mother that closely to pick up on that?"

His brows rose in horror, "Don't make it sound like _that_!" he exclaimed in a hushed voice. "That is so wrong. How can you ever imply something like that? What is wrong with you today?"

Her slender frame shook with laughter that she tried to keep as quiet as possible. "I can imply it for the sole reason of wanting to see your eyes bulge out of their sockets like that."

"I see you're being evil today," Castle remarked. "If I wanted this kind of abuse, I could've spent the day with my mother."

Kate took a sip of her coffee but her eyes still gleamed with mischief. "How could I not ask about this observation of my mother?"

"I'm a writer; I notice things. I can't help it," he said in self defense. "Besides, how can I accurately write Erica if I don't subtly observe Johanna on occasion?"

"So there is going to be an Erica?"

"Yes, but don't tell you mother; I want it to be a surprise."

"I'll keep your secret for a price," Kate told him.

"A price? What's your price, Detective?" he asked; and then leaning closer, he added in a whisper; "Does it involve nudity?"

"No," she replied with a smirk.

"It's just not my day," he responded; "So tell me what your price is since it's obviously nothing fun."

"My price is details. What can you tell me about Erica?"

"She's Nikki's aunt; Nikki distanced herself from her after her mother's death."

"Why?"

Castle smiled; "You'll have to read it to find out."

"Now who's being evil?" Kate stated. "Can't you give me any more than that?"

"Erica's a former attorney who had a close call with a case and her family persuaded her to get out of the business."

"How close of a call?"

"You'll have to read it to find out."

"Castle!"

"What?" he laughed. "Can't handle it now that I have the upper hand?"

She shot him a sidelong glance. "Oh I don't know, I think I've handled it pretty well when you've had the upper hand," she said in a suggestive whisper.

"There you go with your evilness again; making me think things I shouldn't think about here."

"Poor you," she teased.

"You know, if we had done what I wanted to do last night, you might not have woke up cranky," he said quietly.

"I'm not cranky!" Kate exclaimed.

"I don't know; you seemed pretty cranky to me this morning with the way you were barking orders," Esposito called out.

She turned and gave him a glare; "Do your work and mind your own business."

"Yeah; you're not cranky at all," he replied before turning his attention back to his computer screen.

"That was a definite cranky vibe," Castle commented. "Is this a stress related crankiness or you know…one of those pms related crankiness things…because I think I've been a victim of that before."

"Do you need me to find you an 800 number or a support group where you can share your experience?" Kate retorted.

"No," he said with a shake of his head; "Fair warning would be appreciated though."

"Warnings would be nice," Esposito called out again.

"What do you know about it?" she asked as she turned her chair to face him.

"Enough to know that like Castle, I've been a victim," the detective replied.

Kate rolled her eyes; "You poor abused things."

Castle nodded; "Our suffering is real."

"I bet it's nothing compared to my suffering when it's bruised ego day around here."

Esposito shook his head; "Bruised ego day doesn't even begin to compare to your cranky days, Beckett; and you still haven't answered the question."

"What question?"

"About which type of crankiness this is; either one is horrifying but we need to know the answer so we can prepare a proper defense strategy against it."

"I'm not cranky!"

Castle caught Esposito's eye; "She's totally cranky; the coffee isn't even helping."

"That's when it gets really scary," the other man remarked.

"What gets scary?" Ryan asked as he returned to the bullpen.

"Beckett's cranky," Esposito stated.

"Still?" his partner replied. "I was hoping she'd be over that by the time I finished screening the security footage."

Kate eyed him; "You're jumping on the bandwagon too?"

"He's been a victim," Castle stated.

"A victim of what?" Ryan asked in confusion.

"Beckett's crankiness," Esposito answered.

Ryan nodded; "Haven't we all been a victim of it? She probably shouldn't be armed when she's cranky; Castle could get hurt."

"You're all going to get hurt if you don't stop," she remarked with a glare; "Now, Ryan, did you find anything? I'm not finding anything in these phone records."

"Yes I did," he answered; brandishing a few photos as he explain his findings and then presented her with a name and address for their suspect. Kate rose from her chair to go with them to nab the suspect but she stopped in her tracks as her eye caught sight of the television where the image of her and her mother was on the screen. Suddenly she thought better of going; not for the sake of avoiding the media, although that could've been reason enough; but simply because she didn't want to be followed on this arrest. She didn't want to take the chance that they'd follow and end up tipping off the suspect to her presence and therefore give him a chance to run. She rocked on her heels for a moment as the boys eyes followed her gaze and then looked back at her expectantly.

"Guys; maybe you should do the honors of bringing Chambers in."

The detectives nodded; she didn't need to explain further; they understood her reasoning and agreed with it. "We'll get him, don't worry," Esposito replied as he and Ryan gave her a reassuring look and then departed.

Kate dropped back into her chair with a sigh; she didn't want this to get to be a habit.

Castle's fingers itched to touch her in the pursuit of offering comfort but he hesitated; worrying that even the most innocent touch might be misconstrued now that they were under so much scrutiny. "Hey," he said quietly; "Tomorrow will be better."

She offered him a small smile; "I hope you're right."

"I'm always right."

Kate favored him with a disbelieving look; "Do I need to remind you of how many times you haven't been right?"

"No; that won't be necessary," he said as held her gaze; "But I wish I could kiss you right now to convince you that I'm right this time."

"I wish you could too," she whispered. "I'd offer to take you to lunch to make up for it, but I don't think it would be a good idea today."

"You're right; we should lay low today," Castle agreed. "I'll have something delivered for us for lunch...but there's always later..."

Kate gave a nod; "You're right; there's always later...and later, we can make it up to each other."

He smiled; "Sounds like a plan."

* * *

><p>By the end of the day, Kate had closed her case successfully and was in the process of shutting down her computer and stacking her files when her phone rang. She grabbed it from the corner of the desk and glanced at the screen. Seeing that it read 'Mom', she accepted the call. "Hello."<p>

"Are you busy?" Johanna asked.

"No, I'm just packing up for the night. Is everything alright?"

"Yes, everything's fine. I'm sorry I missed you this morning, Katie."

"That's okay; I was just calling to check in. How are you feeling?"

"Better than I did this morning," she answered; but her daughter could hear the undercurrent of tiredness and the feeling of being unwell in the flatness of her tone, but she couldn't help but wonder if there was some other feeling mixed in there as well.

"Has anyone been around?" Kate asked.

"Not that I know of. No one was out front when I looked out a little while ago."

"That's good."

Something wasn't quite right here, Johanna thought to herself as she sighed. "Katie, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, why?"

"Because something feels wrong. Were they still after you today?"

"Of course they were," she replied a bit tartly; "Right outside the precinct when I got here this morning."

"I'm Sor..."

"Don't," Kate said firmly as she cut her off mid word. "You overuse that I'm sorry phrase and apparently it's rubbing off on me so just don't, okay?"

Her mother was quiet for a moment, trying to force herself to recall what she might've done to earn her daughter's apparent ire. She couldn't think of anything; besides that large black mark that she would always carry against her but that didn't mean she hadn't committed a new offense.

"Are you okay?" she asked her daughter; hoping that she might open up to her about whatever the issue was.

"I'm fine."

So much for that tactic, Johanna thought. "Do you want to come over for dinner?"

"No."

"How about tomorrow or Sunday?"

"I don't really think so."

"Katie, are you ever going to come over for dinner when I ask you?"

"I don't know, maybe one day," she said with a sigh of impatience. "What's the big deal anyway?"

"I believe you're the one making a big deal out of it," the older woman replied. "I didn't realize it was so terrible for your parents to want to share a meal with you. We'll let you leave when it's over; we're not going to try to keep you or anything."

"We just shared plenty of meals together over the last few months," her daughter stated.

"So I'm at my quota for the rest of my life and I'm not entitled to anymore?"

"What, like I owe you my presence once a week?" Kate asked sharply. "Just because you're my mother doesn't mean I have to be at your beck and call all the time."

"No; you don't owe me a damn thing, Katherine," Johanna remarked; "And I don't expect you to be at my beck and call. If I made it seem that way, I apologize and don't worry, I won't extend anymore invitations until Thanksgiving. I just like to see you once in awhile."

"Well then drag yourself out of the house and come see me once in awhile. I shouldn't always have to come to you."

"You're never home or I would!" Johanna exclaimed.

"Right," she scoffed; "You know where I am, you could visit me at Castle's."

"I can't do that."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because as far as I know; that's not your permanent address and therefore it isn't your home and it isn't your invitation to extend."

"I just love when you pull your lawyer voice when you're trying to act superior."

"I am not acting superior; I'm stating a fact."

"A fact that only exists in your mind," Kate retorted. "I'm there all the time; Castle wouldn't mind that I invited someone over."

"If you lived there full time it would be different," Johanna insisted; "But you're not, and having a toothbrush and a drawer full of underwear there doesn't give you the right to extend invitations without talking it over with Rick; it's his home and you know better."

"Are you being a prude now?" Kate asked; "And by the way, I have more stuff there than what you seem to imply."

"No I'm not being a prude," Johanna replied; "And I don't want to do this with you, Katie; so why don't you tell me what we're really arguing about here so we can talk about it and work it out."

"I'm not the one who's mad," her daughter retorted.

"You're not?"

"No; you're the one avoiding phone calls."

"Katie, I wasn't avoiding you and I'm not mad about anything."

"I called last night."

"Yes, I know; your father just told me an hour ago. He was asleep by the time I went back to bed."

"Yeah, I know; you were downstairs having your moment last night because you were mad. I know you think I pushed you into releasing the picture and then you had to hear the comments and they probably hurt you and now you're mad at me for putting you in that position again."

"That couldn't be further from the truth," Johanna replied; trying to keep her tone patient. "I was upset last night but not at you; none of this is your fault and there's no reason for me to be angry at you. Now if you want to come over so we can talk about this in person, so you can look me in the face and know I'm not lying to you, than please get over here so we can settle this. I promise I won't offer to feed you."

"You're not funny," Kate responded.

"Katie," she said with a weighted breath; "I'm not going to do this. If we're going to fight, I'd rather do it on a day when I'm operating with un-medicated brain cells and can be a worthy opponent for you. I'd also like there to be a viable reason for the fight because I really don't think this is about two missed phone calls, which I'm clearly returning."

Kate smirked; "Thank you for your closing argument, Mrs. Beckett; I'll now excuse the jury so they may begin their deliberations."

Johanna gave a short, soft laugh; "Well, I know my humor was just called into question but at least I can rest easy knowing that your sarcasm is intact and doing well...and apparently was inherited from your mother."

"You're the second person today to accuse me of being like you."

"Don't you just hate days like that?" Johanna asked.

"Probably about as much as you do...Naomi."

"Touché," her mother remarked; taking the jab in stride. "I'm hanging up now because I'm serious about not fighting with you tonight. I love you, be careful getting to wherever you're going. Give me a call when you feel more like talking."

"Bye," Kate said; and to her surprise as she waited for a return of that statement; her mother simply disconnected the call without another word.

A feeling of remorse filled her as she stared down at her phone. Why had she done that? Why had she instigated an unnecessary argument? Kate didn't have an answer to that and it only made her feel worse as she slipped into her jacket and picked up her purse. What was wrong with her today? She had shouldered more pressure than this before and had handled it without much fuss...and yet this situation felt so unlike anything she had dealt with before. Suddenly she wished she hadn't sent Castle on home ahead of her. She had thought it best in case the press was still lurking but now she regretted the decision, just as she regretted the phone call she had just engaged in. Kate paused in front of the elevator and pulled her phone from her pocket.

She was beginning to hate the words that she found herself typing but they were the only ones that fit the bill of what she needed to say. _"I'm sorry," _she wrote and then sent it to her mother before pushing the button for the elevator.

Her phone was unnervingly silent as she rode the elevator downstairs; but as she stepped outside the precinct and the crisp evening air of October gently smacked her in the face, her phone buzzed. She hurriedly opened the message; that feeling of needing her mother's forgiveness as overwhelming at 32 as it had been at 16.

"_I know, it's okay. Me too."_

Her smile wobbled; unexpected emotion striking her as she read the words. She was forgiven and her mother had refrained from using that hated phrase. Kate shoved her phone back into her pocket and blinked rapidly as she breathed deeply. She hated to feel weepy; would hate it even more if it was to be caught on camera but as her eyes quickly scanned her surroundings, she took note of the fact that there didn't seem to be any media presence around. She breathed deeply again; missing Castle's presence at her side once more as loneliness set in. It was time to go home; a long night with Castle would surely cure whatever was ailing her.

* * *

><p>Saturday found Kate cautiously hopeful as she scanned the newspapers and news channels and found no mention of her name. She and Castle ventured out mid-afternoon and while they wandered through the city, her eyes were always subtly studying their surroundings, looking for reporters or photographers, but she found no one. She didn't want to get her hopes up; there had been off days before, and days that began without any sightings only to have them catch her later. Her luck held as Castle treated her to an early dinner at Remy's. She had a feeling the impromptu visit to their favorite restaurant was his way of providing comfort; but looking into his blue eyes as she sat across from him at the table, she could tell that he wasn't entirely sure what it was that she needed comforting for. He wasn't alone in pondering the answer to that question; Kate wasn't all together certain of why she required the gesture either, a thought that nagged at her every so often.<p>

As she indulged in her strawberry shake, she wondered if perhaps she was over complicating the answer she sought. Perhaps the truth of the matter was very simple; all of those wounds to her heart had been scabbing over and healing, and now with the world privy to her pain and her plight; the scabs were being ripped open again, her scars bleeding every so often. Kate dipped a fry in ketchup and pondered that theory…she had a feeling she had hit upon the right one. She should share the answer with Castle, and she began to open her mouth to speak but then thought better of it. She should probably sort it out a little more on her own, and besides, he had a book signing to do that night and if she started on the process of opening up, he'd feel bad about leaving her and she'd feel bad about making him feel like he was abandoning her in her time of need.

She definitely shouldn't bring it up right now, she decided; popping her French fry into her mouth and swallowing her words along with it. When they finished their meal, they stood together on the sidewalk outside the restaurant.

"Do you have to go back to your place tonight?" Castle asked her; keeping his voice low in case anyone lurking about might be eavesdropping.

"I don't _have_ to," she replied; "But I think I should…I want to go home for a little while."

He looked hurt by the statement and she mentally berated herself for how those words probably sounded. "I don't mean that to sound like I'm trying to get away from you, Castle; because I'm not," she quickly explained; brushing her hand against his arm. "I just figured since you have things to do tonight that I'd go home and take some time out…maybe clear my head a little."

He smiled and captured her hand for a moment; "I get it," he told her sincerely. "You need a little space, and that's okay."

She knew that needing space was okay, but she still felt awkward about asking for it; a part of her still fearful that he'd accuse her of running. She ducked her head for a moment as she shifted on her feet; unsure of what to say next.

"I'll miss you tonight," he said quietly.

Her gaze snapped back to his. "I'll miss you too," she replied softly. "You'll call when you get home from your signing?"

"Of course," Castle answered; the urge to kiss her leading him to lean close, but he saw her hesitation as her eyes darted away from his, obviously searching for anyone who might catch and out them. He pulled back; disappointment filling him, along with a small sense of frustration at having to be so restrained.

"Castle, I…" Kate began to say; but she trailed off, not wanting to add insult to injury with an apology that he had already heard before. It wasn't that she didn't want to kiss him goodbye; she just wasn't sure they should take the risk in such a public setting.

"I know; it's fine."

"It isn't…but I don't know what else to do."

He found her hand once more; giving it a squeeze. "Don't worry."

She scoffed mildly; that was easier said than done. Castle leaned close once again; this time brushing his lips against her cheek in a soft lingering kiss. "I love you," he whispered close to her ear.

"I love you too."

"I'll call you tonight," he promised.

She gave a nod and forced a smile to her lips as she said goodbye. She remained rooted in place, watching him walk away, and she couldn't help but wonder how long it would be until he got fed up with her hesitation towards affection in public.

* * *

><p>Once she got back to her apartment and settled in, Kate began to breathe a little better. There was something innately soothing about knowing that the pressure was off once you were in your own space; you didn't have to pretend to be fine…not that she had to pretend with Castle but she did make an effort to appear to be better than she was at times. By the evening she had done some laundry and other chores and had settled down with a drink and a snack so she could catch up on a few episodes of Temptation Lane.<p>

By the end of the second episode; she reached for her phone, tempted to call her mother just for the sake of commenting on the plot twist that had caught her by surprise, and to get her mother's opinion on it…because she was certain that she had one; she wouldn't be Johanna Beckett if she didn't. Kate stared at the device for a moment and then laid it back down. She hadn't heard from her mother all day, and she knew that she wouldn't unless a certain amount of time passed without some sort of contact. Her mother hated to be seen as pushy, so she'd back off and leave it up to her to decide when she was ready to engage again. Kate's hand hovered over the phone once again but she pulled it away. It was probably best to let things rest for awhile. She didn't want to risk a repeat of the call they had shared the day before.

Sunday morning once again found h off the radar in the news spectrum; a thought that made her feel more comfortable in her skin as she donned her running shoes and hit the pavement for a run. The coolness of the air and the quiet lazy feeling of morning, combined with the sound of her shoes smacking against the concrete as she increased her pace at regular increments, went far towards clearing her head of some of the more irrational thoughts she had been harboring. Other thoughts weren't so easily rid of. She worried about this added pressure and how it would ultimately affect her relationship with Castle. She worried about her relationship with her mother and how ripping the scabs off her heart allowed her to feel those raw edges of feelings that were still wounded in some ways. She could of course discuss that with her, but she wouldn't. It would only cause more trouble and more hurt and it wasn't worth it. She'd give them some space and call in a day or two, and their last conversation would get swept under the rug in the interest of keeping the peace between them.

She probably shouldn't be so willingly to walk down that road of sweeping things under rugs…but if it made life easier in the meantime, than so be it; they could sort it out later when everything else was settled. Kate pushed herself harder; increasing her speed once again as she sorted through worries about the press and work and the always looming specter of Bracken and his cronies. She made herself think it all out logically and did her best to convince herself that there was no way in hell Bracken would get out of this and that she'd be able to handle any new threats that could be posed towards them. She believed that, or at least the logical side of her brain did. The other side would continue to worry until the trial was over and the man was sentenced.

When she finally dropped into a walk, she felt like she had her thoughts properly sorted for the most part and that they had been shoved into their appropriate boxes in her mind. Now if she could just keep them in those boxes, she'd be fine, she thought to herself as she turned and began to jog back to her apartment.

* * *

><p>As she approached the front of her building, she spotted Castle stepping up onto the sidewalk and called out to him. The writer smiled as he spotted her, his eyes twinkling with mischief as he eyed her. "Look it's Flo Jo," he quipped.<p>

Kate smirked at him as she closed the distance between them. "Did you come over here to call me names?"

"No; if that had been my goal I would've come better prepared."

"Is that right?"

He nodded; "Of course; the Flo Jo comment is the best I came up with on the spur of the moment; and I'm sure you expect far better of me, considering my usual genius."

Kate shook her head; a teasing smile touching her lips; "No; that was pretty much on par with what I expect of you."

His jaw dropped in mock surprise; a hand falling against his heart. "I'm hurt."

She laughed as he followed her into the building. "There you go acting like your mother again," she teased.

"You really are being evil this week," he stated; feigning distress as they got on the elevator. "You mock my humor, accuse me of acting like my mother and implied that I've been checking yours out…which is still so very wrong, Beckett."

"I told you I only did that to watch your eyes bug out," she laughed; "But you don't have to get insulting about it; my mother is a beautiful woman, I'm sure there are men who still want to check her out."

"Yes, she is beautiful and I don't doubt that at all…but she's your mother!"

"Calm down," she giggled. "I'm through teasing you with that."

"Yes well, I think you may have to pay for that one and the only suitable punishment I can come up with is to call your mother and report this behavior of yours."

"You don't want to do that."

"Oh I think I might."

"What are you doing here this morning, Castle?" she asked as they exited the elevator and made their way to her door.

"I thought maybe I'd treat you to breakfast."

"Sounds great," she smiled. "Just let me take a quick shower and change."

"Take your time…that'll give me plenty of time to place that phone call."

Kate moved towards him; slipping her arms around him. "There are better things we could do than call people on the phone."

His brow rose; "Oh? Dare I hope?"

"You can dare," she replied; pressing a kiss to his lips. "Right after you buy me breakfast."

Castle frowned; "See; that's more evidence of your evilness."

"I'll make it up to you," she told him; stealing another kiss and then walking away to get her shower.

"I'm going to hold you to that," he called after her.

"I always keep my word," she remarked before disappearing from view.

* * *

><p>Once they were settled into a booth at a small diner, with their breakfast in front of them, Kate glanced across the table and caught Castle's eye.<p>

"How did your book signing go?" she asked.

"It went well," he answered; neglecting to mention that he had fielded plenty of questions about her and his involvement with recent events.

"You didn't sign anyone's anatomy, did you?"

"No, I didn't. Richard Castle doesn't do that anymore."

Kate smiled widely; "Someone must be a good influence on him."

"Yes she is…it also helps that she carries a gun and has a jealous streak."

"Is that a wise thing to say when you have certain plans with that armed woman after breakfast?"

"No it isn't," he laughed. "But lucky for me, she appreciates my sense of humor and is very forgiving."

"I've heard that about her."

"I'm not surprised. How was your evening?"

"Quiet," Kate answered. "I did boring things like laundry and watched TV."

"Does that mean you're feeling better or you're still feeling the same?"

She exhaled a somewhat weighted breath. "I think I'm feeling a lot better."

"Good; I'm glad. Maybe you just needed some alone time."

"Maybe," she replied; "But I did miss you."

"I missed you too…I've gotten used to going home with you."

"I know…me too."

"But if it was what you needed, then the time apart was a worthy cause," Castle remarked; hoping he hadn't made her feel badly about needing space. "Is there anything you need to talk about?"

Kate shifted in her seat and pushed her eggs around the plate. "I think my problem the last few days has been that I feel like the scabs are getting ripped off wounds that are still healing."

He nodded; "You alluded to that the other day."

"Yeah, I know; but I don't think I had really thought about how much I was feeling that. I guess I had gotten to a point where things were healing and it felt like everything was going to be okay…and then everything erupted again once the media found out all the details and those scabs started to get pulled at and ripped off. It's difficult to feel that way again."

"That's understandable," he told her; "but maybe it's more than just feeling that way again. Maybe you still have feelings that haven't been fully dealt with."

"That thought occurred to me too…but I hate the idea of going there."

"Why?"

"Because it's just going to be more hurt…and maybe I'm not ready for that."

"But if you let it fester, it might only get worse," Castle stated.

"I know…but I'm not ready."

He had a feeling he knew what these feelings were that she still needed to work on and yet he felt it necessary to ask just to be clear. "Are any of those feelings about us? Because if there's something troubling you about us, we can discuss it and take it care of it right now, or later at your apartment."

Kate shook her head; "No; it isn't about us, Castle…although I do worry that you might get tired of having to hide what we are."

He laid his hand over hers and squeezed it. "Don't," he replied. "It's how things have to be right now and I understand that and support it. You have enough to deal with. I'm going to do whatever I can to make this as easy as I can for you. I know that we're not hiding out of shame or anything like that. We're just protecting our privacy."

"But still…"

"Kate; it's fine. I'm fine. Anything else about us that you're worried about?"

"No," she said with a small smile. "That'll cover it for today."

"Do you want to talk about any of those other issues?"

"No…I'd just rather enjoy our day," she replied.

Castle smiled; "I'm in agreement with that; but if…"

"I know," she interrupted; "If I change my mind, you're here and willing to discuss it."

"Don't forget that."

"I won't," she promised.

* * *

><p>Sunday evening, Jim sat at the kitchen table with a few papers he was supposed to be reading over for a job he was going to be working on later in the week. Instead he found himself somewhat distracted by his wife as she moved around the kitchen, finishing the clean up from dinner with one hand, her phone pressed to her ear with the other. He smiled as he listened to her chatter. Shortly after they had finished their meal, a picture of Frankie and Valerie's granddaughter appeared on her phone with the message "Hi, Aunt Jo!"<p>

She usually left it up to Frankie or Valerie to call her; fearful of overstepping whatever boundaries there may be; but one look at that smiling blue eyed, blonde haired baby girl and she had hit Valerie's number without any hesitation. That had been a half hour ago, he noted, and she was still chatting away happily, sounding more relaxed and more like herself than she usually did with these calls. Jim figured that Johanna's sister-in-law had known that a cute baby was just the thing to draw her out; even better if that cute baby was her great niece. He had no doubt that she'd love to get her hands on Ally; his wife never had met a baby that she didn't want to cuddle and fuss over. Hopefully she'd get that chance soon; just as he was hoping that she'd soon get the chance to see her brother and sister-in-law. She was going to wait for them to make that move, he knew that and didn't blame her for it, but he knew how badly she wanted it.

For now though, she appeared content and for that Jim was grateful as he watched her pick up the coffee pot and carry it to the table; refilling his cup as she went on with her conversation and then returning to the counter where she carefully cut a slice of the cherry pie she had been slapping his hands away from all day. He had a feeling she had decided to make a cherry pie because she knew that it was his favorite and therefore he wouldn't make any remarks about her baking after he had already told her to cut back.

She carried the small plate to the table and set it and the fork down in the space near him that was unoccupied by his papers; a smile on her lips and a teasing sparkle in her eyes as she reached out and lovingly caressed his face as he reached for the plate. He captured her dainty wrist; pressing a tender kiss to the palm of her hand. She pressed a quick, soft kiss against his temple and gave him a wink as she walked off; taking her phone into the other room, obviously knowing that she was distracting him.

He better enjoy her affection tonight, Jim thought to himself as he ate his pie. They had been media free all weekend and if that trend held for the next day…well, he had plans in mind. Plans he was sure she wasn't going to be too keen on; which meant there was the very real possibility that she wouldn't be feeling too friendly toward him come the following night. He sighed; it wasn't a pleasant thought, but it had to be done. It was for her own good.

_Authors Note: I have an evening planned for Caskett in the next chapter ;) and of course you'll find out Jim's plans for Johanna. The good news is, I have a lot of that stuff already written!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Authors Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

_A special thank you to my 'team' which I'm always incredibly grateful for; Andy, Lisa, Lin and Cindy. You're the best!_

Chapter 3 – Push

"_You push me when all I wanna do is cry; you push me when it's hard for me to try, you push me, only you and no one else" – Madonna_

The next morning, without media presence outside their home and no mention of their names in the news; Jim crept stealthily into their bedroom, an agenda in mind as he approached the bed. He smiled as he studied his wife; she looked comfy and cozy and clearly had every intention of sleeping in. He was sorry to disabuse her of that notion...but not sorry enough to dissuade him from his plan. He carefully perched on the edge of the bed and brushed her hair back from her face.

"Jo," Jim said quietly; his knuckles brushing her cheek gently. She didn't stir or give any indication that she was aware of his presence. "Johanna," he said again; a little louder this time as he gave her shoulder a shake. She shrugged as if she was merely brushing off whatever had dared to disturb her rest and continued to sleep. Her husband smirked at her. She never had been a morning person; and he figured she wasn't going to be pleased with being dragged from the warmth of their bed; especially now that autumn had set in. His wife was a woman who needed constant warmth when summer waned; and that thought had him pulling the covers from her body. That would wake her up, he thought with a smile. She'd be cold within seconds; all he had to do was wait.

Sure enough, within minutes Johanna rolled towards his side of the bed; her hand searching for him. Jim slipped his hand beneath the hem of her pajama top and allowed it to move over her skin in a soft caress. "Not now, Jim," she mumbled sleepily; "Maybe later."

He chuckled quietly. "That wasn't what I was going for."

"I know; you were aiming for now but I'm sleepy...and cold...come back to bed," she said as she captured his hand and tugged at it.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because you need to get up."

"Why?" she asked as she finally cracked an eye open.

"Because I made breakfast for you," Jim told her.

The statement had her opening both eyes; her brow arching as she regarded him. "You made me breakfast?"

"Yeah," he smiled.

She thought about it for a moment; her mind working through a list of dates. "It's not a birthday, anniversary or holiday," she stated.

"So?"

"So what did you do?" his wife asked.

"Do?"

"Yeah; what did you do that I'm going to find out about and not like?"

"Nothing," he replied.

She continued to eye him with suspicion. "What's in the news that you want to distract me from?"

"Absolutely nothing; your name wasn't mentioned even once, neither was mine or Katie's."

"Is this part of some ploy for morning sex?"

Jim laughed; "No; but if you want a ploy for sex I can think of one for later."

"We'll see how the morning goes first," she quipped.

"You're so suspicious, sweetheart."

"Probably with good reason. Let's see, it's not a special occasion, you haven't done anything, it's not about sex and you're not trying to shield me from the news...that only leaves one thing."

"What's that?" he asked.

"What are you going to do that you know I'm not going to like and therefore are sucking up for in advance?"

She was good, he thought as he graciously pulled the covers back up over her legs, before slipping his hand back under her shirt; his fingertips moving softly against the flat expanse of her stomach. "It's nothing bad," he promised.

"Uh huh; what is it?"

"You need to get up."

"Why?"

"So we can eat breakfast...and get ready to go out for awhile."

"Go out?" she repeated; frowning in response. "I don't want to go out, Jim."

"I know but we're going to go anyway."

"We just finally got some peace from the media and you want to drag me out in public and get it started all over again?"

"No; I'm dragging you out in public because we have the peace to go right now and we need to take the opportunity that we have. Now come on, let's get moving."

"Jim," she breathed.

"It'll be alright," he told her.

"I don't think I want to do this today."

"Sure you do," he stated. "I'm going to take you to Macy's. I have a nice shiny credit card that's hardly been used that's just waiting for you to have some fun with it."

"You're going to take me shopping?" Johanna asked incredulously.

"Yes I am."

"You hate shopping."

"I don't mind it so much with you."

She studied him intently. "Are you sure you didn't do something that I'm going to be mad about?"

"You mean besides dragging you out of bed and forcing you out in public?"

"Yeah."

"Not that I know of," he remarked; "But you're not getting out of this, Jo; so you may as well get up. I'm keeping breakfast warm but it's not going to keep forever."

"Can't we come to some type of deal about this?"

"No deals," Jim stated.

Her eyes narrowed as she sat up. "Fine; then I won't be accepting any ploys for sex later."

Her husband nodded; "You win some, you lose some."

"And some people seem to lose all the time," Johanna muttered as she got out of bed.

"You're not losing; you're getting my credit card. I figured that was decent compensation for springing this on you."

"I hope it has a high limit," she replied; tossing him a sassy smirk over her shoulder as she headed for the bedroom door.

Jim laughed at her retreating back; "I think the credit limit will be suitable for your form of revenge."

"I guess we'll see about that," she called out from the hallway.

* * *

><p>Kate was feeling better that morning as she sat at the table, having breakfast with Castle and Martha…or rather, she and Martha were having breakfast while listening to Castle as he assured Gina that he would make his meetings on time. He gave a disgruntled sigh as he finally ended his call and laid his phone down on the table.<p>

"Richard, I don't understand why you can't find someone else at the publishing company to work with besides your ex-wife," Martha commented.

"Yeah, Castle; why don't you work with someone else?" Kate asked. The thought hadn't occurred to her before and she was sure that Martha was right. There had to be someone else that he could work with more comfortably.

"Because it isn't worth the hassle," he replied; "And we've worked together for a long time."

"So?" Martha replied. "That doesn't mean you have to be stuck with her for the rest of your life. After all; it isn't like she's the only publisher you've ever had."

"I know that, Mother; but I...I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings."

His mother scoffed; "Because divorce was so painless?"

Castle frowned; "The work relationship has nothing to do with the marriage and subsequent divorce...which probably was painless for her considering the nice check she got as a parting gift."

"I suppose that's true," she replied. "I guess that's why she was so open to that brief reconciliation."

"Mother," he warned.

"What?" the actress asked; turning her palms up in a gesture of innocence. "I was just pointing out that if you really wanted to be rid of Gina, you could be; and then you wouldn't have to walk around here with your cave man grunts and whining every time she gets overly demanding and you have to deal with it."

Castle sighed heavily and then shifted his gaze to Kate, who shrugged as she dipped her spoon back into her bowl of cereal. "She does have a point," she remarked.

"You're supposed to be on my side," he stage whispered.

"I am...but maybe I want to know the answer too. Why do you keep dealing with Gina? Why does she keep dealing with you? I wouldn't want to work with someone I had divorced."

"As for her, she keeps dealing with me for her cut of the money, which isn't mere pennies, mind you."

"And as for you?" Kate asked.

"It just...works for me," he answered. Martha and Kate both regarded him with raised brows and skeptical looks.

"I know, she drives me crazy and she can be vindictive sometimes...and I complain...but she gets results."

"And you don't think someone else could drive you crazy and get the same results?" Martha asked. "Someone you don't have such a tangled history with?"

"Mother, don't you have a class to teach or an audition to go to...maybe a meeting of meddling mothers anonymous?"

The redhead looked at her watch; "I have time."

"Are you sure about that?" Castle asked. "You might not have as much time as you think."

Martha laughed; "Oh, Richard; you aren't going to kill me in front of a homicide detective...especially one you can't bribe to cover up the crime."

"I wasn't thinking of murder," he stated. "I was thinking of an institution."

Martha finished her orange juice and then smiled. "Darling, they have yet to build an institution that could hold Martha Rodgers. Nice try."

He looked at her; mustering all the seriousness he could. "I'm going to build it for you, Mother; and to show you what a good son I am; I'm going to make sure there's a room there for Johanna so you'll have someone to play with."

"We're putting my mother away too?" Kate asked in surprise.

"I thought you'd like that," he laughed.

"There are times when I would...but would she?"

"I'll be sure to ask her the next time I talk to her," Martha quipped as she rose from the table. "I'll see you later, kiddos."

"Bye, Martha," Kate replied; watching with amusement as the actress swept gracefully through the loft and out the door. She then turned her attention back to Castle. "You were getting kind of defensive about Gina," she commented lightly.

The writer shook his head; "I wasn't."

"You were a little."

"I just don't feel a need to change who I work with."

"Okay," she replied.

"Is it?" he asked.

Kate's last spoonful of cereal hovered over her bowl as she glanced at him. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"You tell me."

"Castle," she said with a soft laugh; "I wasn't trying to start anything. I just thought Martha made a good point and I was curious about it. If you don't want to change, then don't. That's your business."

"Do you have a problem with me working with Gina?" he questioned.

"No; I don't."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed; giving up on her last bite of cereal. "I don't have a problem with you working with her. Are you saying I'm jealous or something, or that I don't trust you? Because I do trust you; and I know there's nothing going on besides business between you and Gina, okay?"

Castle nodded; "Okay. Let's just drop that subject now."

"Good idea," she replied as she got up and carried her bowl into the kitchen. "I have to be getting to work."

"I think you should go to my meetings with me," he replied.

"Why?"

"In the name of fairness. I go to work with you all the time, so you should go to work with me."

Kate grinned as she pulled on her jacket; "And whose idea was it for you to go to work with me all the time?"

"Mine, but you liked it…despite what you wanted me to believe," he laughed.

"And you go to work with me for the purpose of research, right?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Then technically it could be said that when you go to work with me, I'm going to work with you as well."

He thought about that for a moment. "I like my logic better."

"I'm not surprised," she laughed as she made her way back to him and kissed him; "But until you start doing your share of the paper work, I'm not going to any of your publishing meetings."

"Fine, be that way."

Kate stole another kiss from him; "You'll survive. I'll see you later."

He rose from his chair to wrap her in an embrace and kissed her once more. "If you need me, call."

"I will; you better get a move on and start getting ready for your meetings."

Castle smirked at her; "Yes, dear."

She gave him a playful swat and walked toward the door. "Hey, you didn't veto 'dear' this time," he called after her.

"That's because it's acceptable as sarcasm," she replied.

He smiled as she sailed out that the door; he had a feeling he was winning her over in the pursuit of endearments...no matter what she claimed to the contrary.

* * *

><p>As they wandered through their second department store of their outing, Jim felt like Johanna was beginning to relax a little. The trip to Macy's had gone well, they hadn't run into anyone they knew and they hadn't been followed. She had left her favorite store with several shopping bags stuffed with sweaters and leggings; a new winter coat and a pair of boots she just couldn't live without. He was happy to indulge her shoe fetish, but she had coerced him into a new winter coat for himself as well. He didn't really feel like he needed one; the one he'd been wearing for the last fifteen years suited him just fine; but then she had given him that raised brow don't argue with me look as she insisted that it was time for something new, and he had given in. He knew better than to argue too much; and when he thought about it, he realized that she coerced him into buying that coat he had been wearing for all of these years.<p>

Jim smiled; it was just one more sign that they were settling comfortably back into their marriage. He cherished those little signs; the feeling that normalcy had been restored to his life in so many ways after such a long absence. She'd been back for five months, and at home with him for a little over a month and there was still a part of him that was in awe when he woke up beside her every morning. As she paused at a table of discounted jarred candles, he couldn't resist the urge to rub his hand against the small of her back. She glanced at him and smiled and then turned her attention back to the selection of candles; picking one up to breath in its scent.

As Johanna continued to sort through the candles; Jim's eyes scanned the store; on alert for any unwanted attention. So far so good, he thought, until his gaze landed on a figure some distance away. It had been a long time since he had seen Colleen McKenzie Weston, but he knew without a doubt that it was her, despite the highlights in her brown hair and a few extra pounds he didn't recall her having before. Her icy gaze was planted on her sister's back as she remained rooted in place. "Please let her walk away," he silently pleaded. "Please don't let her come over here." If Colleen came up to them and made a scene, he'd never get Johanna out of the house again. Colleen's gaze darted to his and he gave her a look of warning; silently daring her to spew her hatefulness there. She smirked and shook her head; turning on her heel and stalking back to the front of the store.

Jim hadn't realized that he had tensed and increased the pressure of his hand on Johanna's back until he heard her asking "What's wrong, Jim?"

"Nothing," he replied; relaxing his posture and focusing his attention back on her.

"Is someone here? Were we followed?" she questioned; agitation coloring her tone.

"No," he said; shaking his head. "Everything's fine."

"You tensed," she stated as she eyed him. "Who did you see?"

"No one."

"Jim, who's here?"

"No one, sweetheart; I thought I saw someone but I was wrong."

"Who did you think it was?"

He suppressed a weighted breath; he had to watch how he reacted to spotting things; she knew the second his demeanor changed and went on alert in regard to it. "I thought I saw Charles Patterson," he lied. "I was afraid he might try to steal you away."

Johanna frowned; not believing him for a second. "Was it Sharon?" she asked softly; figuring her former best friend had spotted her and fled to avoid a second awkward encounter.

"No; I swear it wasn't."

She believed that and she was tempted to press him about who he had really seen but then she figured she was probably better off not knowing.

"Have you found anything you like?" Jim asked with a nod at the candles.

She gave a small smile; "I like this one," she told him; holding out a crystal like jar that contained a pink candle for him to sniff.

"It's no wonder," he said with a quiet laugh; "It's strawberry; that's your favorite scent."

She laughed softly; "Do you mind if I get a candle warmer and this candle for the house."

"Honey, you can get whatever you want for the house, just like you always did. You don't have to ask my permission."

"I just don't want to do something you don't like or want," she replied.

"Johanna; you're not a guest, you're my wife. It's your home, you're the queen, you do as you please like you have from the day we moved in. Just because you had to be away for awhile doesn't change that. Now get a few of those strawberry candles if they have more than one; get as many scents as you want and if you want more than one candle warmer get it, okay?"

"Okay," she replied; handing him the shopping basket she had picked up when they entered the store; "Hold this so I can load it up."

"That's what I'm here for," he chuckled.

She grinned at him; "I thought you were here to be my bodyguard."

"That too," he responded. "I'm a man of many talents."

"I know," she said with a wink.

Jim slid his free hand along her side. "That wink could be misconstrued as being open to certain ploys later."

"Or it could just be wishful thinking on your part," his wife responded as she placed a few candles in the basket.

He laughed as he pressed a kiss against her temple. "I guess we'll see."

Johanna's eyes gleamed with amusement; "I guess we will."

* * *

><p>"Hey, Beckett; where's Castle today?" Ryan asked later that morning.<p>

Kate turned her chair to face her colleague. "He has meetings with his publisher today; why? Are you pining for him again?" she teased.

"No," he smirked. "It's just too quiet when he isn't around."

"Too quiet?" she asked; her brow rising as she listened to the constant hum of the lights and computers, the sounds of footsteps and ringing phones; doors being opened and closed, the television tuned to the news, the squeaks of chairs and the echo of voices from various places in the room. "There's a constant din of noise in here and you think it's too quiet?"

"Office noise doesn't count, Beckett," Esposito stated as he came to his partner's defense.

"Is it really the noise Castle provides that you're missing or is it the distraction he gives you from your paperwork that you miss?" she questioned as she eyed them.

"The noise," they both answered without missing a beat.

"Liars," she laughed.

"Don't act like you're not missing his 'distraction'," Esposito countered; a teasing note in his voice. "We heard you sniffling."

"No; I'm pretty sure that was Ryan," she responded. "You know how sensitive he is."

"Well you know how a kid misses his Dad, Beckett...and let's face it, you're being a neglectful mother," the detective replied.

"Yeah, Mom; don't you love us anymore?" Ryan asked.

Kate rolled her eyes; "Really guys?"

"Are you still cranky?" Esposito asked as she began to turn away.

She turned back toward them. "If I was cranky and neglectful, would I have stopped on the way to work and got you doughnuts?"

"I don't really think you can say they were for us when your hand was in the box twice," Ryan commented.

"Ryan's right," his partner agreed; "Although I admit that those doughnuts did seem to be apology flavored."

"Apology flavored?" she repeated. "Why would I need to apologize to the two of you?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Ryan said with a short laugh. "You're apologizing for your crankiness."

Kate scoffed; "There seems to be a lot of discussion about my 'alleged' crankiness; but what about yours? Where's my apology for those days when you're both acting like two women who are on the same cycle?"

"There's no need to get hostile; we didn't say that we didn't accept your apology," Esposito responded. "You took the cheap route with it, but hey, it's okay."

"What do you mean the cheap route?"

"If you were really sorry, you would've done better than doughnuts," Ryan replied.

"Oh really?" Kate answered; "What would've been a suitable gesture?"

"You could've offered to buy lunch since it looks like you don't have any plans today," Esposito told her.

She nodded; a slightly amused smile curling the corner of her mouth upward. "Okay, I'll buy lunch today. Where are we going?"

"I'm having lunch with Jenny," Ryan stated.

"And I'm having lunch with Lanie," his partner added.

Kate glared at them; "Then what the hell was this business about lunch?"

"Just something for you to keep in mind for the next time you're sorry," Ryan remarked.

"Yeah," Esposito agreed; "But don't feel bad; maybe Gates is available for lunch, and don't worry, we won't turn you in for being a neglectful mother."

Kate smirked; "Just for that, I'm not sorry for my crankiness; and by the way, I spit on those doughnuts before I gave them to you."

"No you didn't," Ryan exclaimed as she turned her back to them.

"Yeah I did."

"The box was still taped shut," Esposito stated; "Wasn't it?"

She smiled as she bent her head back over her work; the voices of Ryan and Esposito still going on behind her as they tried to recall if the doughnut box had been taped shut or not. Eventually the boys settled back down to their work and an odd silence hit her ears. Maybe Ryan was right; maybe it was too quiet when Castle wasn't there. Her gaze flicked toward his empty chair and then she forced it back to her papers. It looked like it was going to be a slow day; not that she minded. Monday's were enough of a drag without starting off the week with a new case. Her eyes betrayed her and flicked back to his chair; slow days made it easier to miss Castle's presence. She wished that they had made plans for the evening; especially now that they had a temporary lull in the media attention; but they hadn't.

Kate sighed; a slow day and not much to look forward to at the end of it. That thought wasn't very appealing...but she could change that. She didn't always have to let Castle plan their evenings. She could make plans for them...a night that would be private and afford them the opportunity to just be; to talk of something other than her problems, to not have to worry about being seen or heard expressing affection. Her teeth sank into her lower lip as an idea began to take shape. If she remained without a case; she'd be able to get of the office on time, maybe a little earlier if she could swing it. She'd have to make a quick run to the store but she could make this work. She could create a nice quiet, intimate evening for the two of them. He deserved it, she hadn't been the easiest person to deal with the week before, but he hadn't complained. A night like this would be just the thing to thank him...and just the kind of evening they needed. She smiled as she grabbed her phone; tapping out a quick text message to him.

_"Dinner at my place tonight at 7, don't be late. Love you."_

A few minutes later, her phone buzzed and she reached for it. _"It's a date; see you at seven. I love you too."_ Kate smiled; Monday just got a little brighter.

* * *

><p>Johanna scooped up the last bite of her salad and then washed it down with the rest of her soda. She thought of the shopping bags in the trunk of the car and the fact that they were now finishing up lunch and she felt confident that Jim would take her home now…or at least she was hoping that was the plan.<p>

"Are we going home now?" she asked as she caught his eye; a small smile on her lips and that hopefulness shining brightly in her eyes.

Jim hated to squash her hopes; he knew she was antsy to get back to the house now but he felt like if he gave in and went against the plan he had formed, he wouldn't be doing her any favors. "No," he answered; a touch of gentleness in his tone as he held her gaze.

"No?" she repeated; the light in her eyes dimming as her teeth worried her bottom lip.

He shook his head; "We still have things to do."

"Like what? We went shopping, we had lunch. Let's go home now."

"No; not yet. I need to go pick up a few files for that case I'm working on."

"And then we'll go home?"

Jim smiled patiently. "No; I figure after that we'll go for a walk in the park like we used to do. That was on your dream list and the weather is still warm enough. The leaves have turned colors…you always like that, don't you?"

"Yeah," she replied reluctantly. "What are we going to do after that?"

"Oh we'll find something to do…there's no need to hurry back."

Johanna lowered her head and her foot tapped against the floor in a nervous rhythm. She didn't like feeling this way and she knew that Jim was trying to help her by keeping them out of the house but that little knot of anxiety remained in her chest. It felt foolish...it _was_ foolish; but she couldn't help feeling it. She was okay for the most part with short outings; she could even relax once she concentrated on shopping or eating or their conversations. When her mind was unoccupied, those whispers of need to go home before something kept her from getting there would echo through her mind, making that knot tighten until they were on their way back home.

There was also that feeling of being exposed to the world. Everywhere she went she wondered who might be watching them or talking about them. She was always on alert; her eyes always searching for a camera that would denote the presence of the media; which would only increase her need to flee. This wasn't easy. She tried so hard to shove her fears and insecurities into a box in the back of her mind but they always crawled back out. She just felt better at home; and she knew that was a problem. She wanted to overcome it; wanted to be normal again...but on the other hand, she didn't want to fight her need for security. They had been out all morning. She just wanted to go home...but apparently her husband was putting his foot down with her today. There were times when that was attractive...this wasn't one of those days, as she found herself slightly irritated with his insistence that they keep finding things to do.

"Shouldn't we save something for another day?" she asked.

"I don't think so. I'll be working for the next few days and besides, this is New York City; we're not going to run out of things to do and places to go."

"A lot of those places are theaters and you swore them off long ago," Johanna commented.

He smiled; "Sweetheart, don't pick a fight; it isn't going to get us anywhere."

She sighed; "But I have things to do at home."

"Like what? The house couldn't be any cleaner; and we have plenty of baked goods."

"I have laundry to do," she replied firmly.

"We're not in danger of going without clean clothes. It can wait until tomorrow."

A flicker of temper sparkled in her eyes. "I could just go hail a cab and go home by myself."

He nodded as he rested his elbows on the table and interlocked his fingers; a practice she had seen him do hundreds of times at his desk and it usually indicated that he meant business. "You could do that; but you won't," he remarked.

Her brow rose as she eyed him with equal stubbornness. "And why is that?"

"Because I think you know that if you do that, that you and I are going to have a fight once I catch up with you at home. I don't think you want that. I know I don't want to fight with you tonight, Johanna. There are better ways to spend our time. I promise you that the house is still going to be there when we get back...but we're not going home yet. Now if you want something else to eat or another drink; we'll sit here for awhile longer, but afterwards, we're going to go do something else. Now what's it going to be? Are we staying here for awhile or are we going on?"

Johanna propped her elbow on the table and allowed her chin to drop into her hand as she tuned her head away from her husband. She felt like such a child and she closed her eyes for a moment as she took a few breaths to steady and calm herself. Jim studied her as she sorted through her internal monologue. He had prepared himself for the possibility that she might get angry with him when he denied her requests to go home...but being prepared for it didn't make it any easier. He didn't want to be harsh with her; he didn't want to upset her...but how else was he supposed to get her through this? Jim moved his hand across the table and brushed his fingers against her hand.

"You're doing fine, Jo," he said quietly.

A shuddering breath crossed her lips but no tears followed; for which he was grateful. "I'm a mess," she whispered.

He continued to caress her hand; "No you're not, sweetheart. I know this is hard for you, and you feel like you're floundering but you're not. You're doing fine...especially when you let go and stop thinking about it. I know it's not easy for you to do that right now but you have to keep trying. I swear to you that everything is fine. Now do you want something else or do you want to go?"

She shifted in her seat; he was giving her the option of lingering so that she could get her bearings...and she was ashamed to admit that she needed it. "I think I need a piece of cake," she stated.

Jim nodded and gave her an understanding smile. "Cake does sound good. Do you want another soda?"

"Yeah; that would be great." He went off to get their desert and to get her drink and she sank back against the booth. She could do this... she just hoped she wouldn't have to do it for too much longer that day.

* * *

><p>Jim had switched the order of their plans and had taken Johanna for that walk in the park before running his errand. He thought it had done her good; she had relaxed while they walked, she had even found a red leaf that she had taken a fancy to and tucked into her pocket to save as a memento. But now as they neared the law firm, he could feel the tension beginning to fill her again.<p>

"I'll wait in the car," Johanna said as he found a parking spot near the firm.

"No; you're coming in with me," he replied. "You can meet Craig."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" she asked as she toyed with her seat belt; obviously reluctant to unhook it.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Well...I just figure with the way things are right now, maybe it would be best if I kept a low profile...instead of being forced on people."

Jim looked at her, a glimmer of sternness in his eyes. "I'm introducing you to a friend, not forcing you on someone. You have nothing to worry about where Craig is concerned."

"Are you sure? Because I don't want you to have to defend me and I don't want to cause you to lose your friends."

"Johanna, you're my wife; what am I supposed to do, shove you in a closet and pretend you don't exist whenever one of my friends come around?"

"I just thought..."

"Just nothing," he interrupted. "If someone has a problem with me having a second chance with the woman I love, then they were never really my friend, now were they?"

Johanna remained silent; fearing she'd just make things worse as she could hear the undertones of tension in his voice.

"I met your friend Carolyn in Wyoming. I think it's only fair that you meet one of my friends, Jo. I know it's not easy for you; but it wasn't all that easy for me either."

The remark stung but she figured it was only the truth. She nodded and unbuckled her seatbelt. Jim felt a measure of remorse as he watched her; seeing her swallow hard. He had a feeling that he had gone too far with that last remark but he wasn't sure how to fix it. He reached for her hand and held it; giving it a small squeeze of encouragement as he gentled his tone.

"Craig knows I'm bringing you with me; he's looking forward to meeting you," he told her; hoping to put her at ease with the knowledge that he wasn't springing her on his friend out of the blue. "I wouldn't take you to meet someone who I had doubts about what their reaction or reception to you would be."

"I'm fine," she replied as she pulled her hand away from his and reached for the door handle. "I'm ready. Let's go."

Jim sighed as he got out of the car. He felt like he had just undone the slight progress they had made but there didn't seem to be anything to do about it. Leaving her in the car was out of the question and taking her home after his errand didn't sit right. He'd stick to the plan he already had in motion. He was glad though that he had given Craig a heads up about bringing Johanna with him... and that he shouldn't take her quiet demeanor personally. He was especially glad he had added that postscript to his message as he joined his wife on the sidewalk, because he could already see Johanna retreating into her shell. Jim took her hand again and glanced at her; wishing she'd take off her sunglasses so that he could see her eyes and know exactly what was going on in her mind...but she remained hidden and silent as they approached the doors.

"This should be a sentimental trip," Jim commented; "Considering this is where we met."

A small smile touched her lips. "Oh it's sentimental alright."

"I hope so...I know I have a lot of good memories here...all of them involving you," he replied as they got on the elevator. "What about you? Any memories coming back to you yet?"

"Yeah; this is the elevator you held me hostage in."

"I did not hold you hostage," Jim retorted; making her giggle in the process.

"Then what do you call it?"

"A desperate measure; it was the only way you'd talk to me...if you recall, you were being very stubborn that week."

Johanna nodded; "I recall it very well. I wasn't being stubborn...I was just letting you know how it was going to be if you didn't make a commitment to me. You were the stubborn one."

"I see that we have differing viewpoints about the encounter."

"That doesn't surprise me a bit," she quipped; "You're biased to yourself."

Jim laughed, "I guess it really doesn't matter which viewpoint is right...we both know the truth despite our biases and after all, all that matters is that we ended up together."

"That's true," she said fondly as she slipped an arm around his waist.

Jim smiled at her and then gently pulled her sunglass off her face before pressing a soft kiss to her lips. "Let everyone see those pretty eyes of yours, sweetheart," he whispered.

He had taken away a piece of her armor, Johanna thought to herself as she looked at her black ELLE sunglasses that he held in his hand. She took a breath and managed a smile as she plucked them from his hand and slid them into the pocket of her jacket.

"That's my girl," Jim said quietly; his hand rubbing against the small of her back as the elevator doors opened.

"Oh wow," Johanna said as she looked down the long hallway.

"What?"

"There are a lot of memories here," she commented as her mind flashed back to nearly forty years before when she had been fresh out of law school and this place had become her stomping grounds. It was where she had found Jim...it was where they had fallen in love. She had memories here of her friendship with Sharon; and Maggie and Jeff, along with others. She had been here during her pregnancy; and she could still remember feeling Kate's kicks as she worked at her desk; and that one day when she roamed the hallway in search of a colleague who might have a candy bar stashed in their desk that would satisfy one of her cravings. "Thank god for Jeff," she thought to herself; remembering that he had found a Snickers bar in his bottom desk drawer. He made it a point to keep a stash on hand after that, and so had her husband.

Jim paused in front of an office; pulling her from her thoughts. She took a breath and glanced up at him; feeling his gaze upon her. "Are you ready?" he asked. She nodded; but she felt a small bit of anxiety as he led her into the office.

The secretary was away from her desk and Jim moved forward and knocked on the open door of the inner office space. A voice beckoned him to come in and Johanna steeled herself as Jim tugged her along behind him. She stayed quiet as the men greeted each other; subtly studying this friend of Jim's. She pegged him as being in his mid fifties; he looked kind enough...but looks could be deceiving and she was on guard despite her attempts to relax herself. She tensed slightly as Craig's eyes shifted towards her and she clutched Jim's hand in response.

"Craig, this is my wife, Johanna," Jim stated; giving her a warm smile as he looked at her. "Jo; this is Craig Taylor."

"It's nice to meet you, Johanna," Craig said as he extended his hand to her; glimpsing the worry in her eyes as a small smile touched her lips.

"It's nice to meet you too," she replied as she accepted his hand.

"Jim's told me a lot about you," the man stated.

Her gaze slid towards her husband and she managed to keep the smile on her lips. "Well I guess I can only hope that his stories about me aren't the type of wild exaggerations that make up his fishing stories."

Craig chuckled as Jim slid his arm around her waist and pulled her against his side. "Those aren't wild exaggerations," he stated. "They're all true."

"Sure they are."

"I've heard some of those fishing stories," Craig remarked. "I have wondered about some of them."

"If they're about fish the size of the boat; they're a lie," Johanna said; a teasing sparkle lighting up her eyes as she glanced at her husband.

His hand rubbed against her side in a silent "you're doing fine" message. "They're not all lies," Jim remarked; "There was that one big one I managed to keep hold of."

"Which one was that?" she asked.

"You," he grinned.

She laughed and then looked to his friend. "It was the other way around. I caught him...right here in this building."

Craig smiled at her; "Now that's a story I believe." He invited them to sit down, and seeing that Johanna was relaxing, Jim didn't turn down the offer. They had been making small talk for a few minutes when a figure appeared in the doorway.

"Well, well, well; look whose back from the dead," Stanley Carmichael stated as he eyed Johanna.

She tensed immediately as her gaze snapped towards Stanley before darting back to her husband. "I told you I should've stayed in the car. I had a feeling there were still a few jackasses roaming free around here."

"You have your nerve showing your face here," Stanley remarked curtly.

"Well I always thought you had your nerve for showing your face outside of a zoo but you don't hear me complaining," Johanna retorted.

"You always were a bitch. I guess your 'resurrection' hasn't changed that."

"Walk out of here while you're still able, Stanley," Jim stated as he rose from his chair.

"Like I'm really afraid of you," he scoffed.

"You better be; because I don't have anything here to lose anymore that would keep me from hitting you."

"You know, Stanley; that toupee is even worse in person than in that picture Jeff took of it," Johanna remarked; taking his focus off of her husband.

"This is my real hair," he huffed.

"Yeah right," she laughed; "And I'm the Queen of England."

He glared at her; "You must really think you're something now with your name and face all over the news; destroying the career of a good man who did good things for this country."

Johanna smirked as her eyes narrowed at him. "Why am I not surprised that you voted for him? I guess all of you slimy jackasses are cut from the same greasy cloth. If you think murder is a good thing for a country then I guess he was one of the best at excelling at it. Tell me, Stanley; what did Bracken do for you? Did he line your pockets for a few favors somewhere along the way?"

"At least he wasn't trying to get a mobster released from prison."

"He didn't commit the crime he was convicted of," she said through clenched teeth.

"Who cares," Stanley stated snidely.

"I do."

"Well then I guess you don't have anyone but yourself to blame for your troubles, now isn't that right."

"Don't act like all of your clients are fine upstanding citizens with moral characters," Johanna remarked; "Don't even stand there and act like you are; we all know about your dirty little tricks and deals over the years."

Stanley smirked evilly; "But I never pulled a dirty trick like yours, Johanna. No one's been to my funeral yet...I've been to yours though; and I don't appreciate having my time wasted like that."

It was a slap in the face but she took it in stride as she rose from her chair; momentarily blocking Jim as he moved to charge toward the other man. She reached back and caught hold of his hand; squeezing it slightly in silent askance that he let her fight her own battle. He stayed quiet but she could feel his ire as he remained at her back. She pulled her hand away and smiled at her old nemesis. "Don't worry, Stanley; I'll return the favor one day and go to yours...I'll be the one dancing."

"You know you'd think that after having someone try to kill you that you'd mend your ways and curb that smart mouth of yours; but I see you didn't learn a thing from the experience...maybe next time. With the way you are; there's bound to be someone else waiting for a chance."

"Your mouth is going to get you killed in about thirty seconds if you don't shut up and get out of here," Jim said darkly as he eyed the man.

"Yeah, Stanley; get the hell out of here," Craig chimed in.

Stanley apparently wasn't finished yet though. "Don't think you're going to come sniffing around here for a job, Johanna; because I'll never allow you to work here. You never belonged here in the first place and I'm a senior partner now..."

"Stanley, I didn't give a damn who you were forty years ago and I sure as hell don't give a damn who or what you are now," she remarked tartly. "I haven't worked here since my daughter was three; she'll be thirty-three next month, so I assure you that after a thirty year reprieve from looking at your ugly face everyday, I have no desire to ever work with you again."

"Good; because you don't belong here. You've never known your place...and apparently neither does your daughter. After all; she is out there trying to do a man's job. But on the other hand, I guess you must be proud that she's also managing to screw a millionaire at the same time."

"You son of a bitch," she exclaimed; "Don't you ever talk about my daughter like that! I will rip you apart with my bare hands."

"You're going to have to take a number for that one," Jim said; as he kept hold of her jacket to keep her from going after the man.

"You two are quite a pair," Stanley sneered. "If she was my wife; she'd be out on the street begging for change to pay for her next meal."

"If I was your wife; I would've shot you long ago," Johanna retorted.

"You know, Jim," Stanley said as he met his steely gaze; "I thought you were a fool for becoming a drunk over her; I think you're an even bigger fool now for taking her back."

Johanna broke free from Jim's grasp; moving forward with lightning speed; her hand curled into a fist at her side, but her husband managed to grab her as Craig pushed Stanley out the door. Fury blazed in her eyes; her body showcasing the agitation she felt inside.

"Keep her here," Jim said to Craig once he released his hold on her. Craig nodded and Jim went out the door after Stanley; grabbing the man's arm and dragging him into an empty conference room, where he backed him up against the wall and got in his face.

"First of all, don't you ever insinuate that my daughter is some kind of whore; because she isn't and if you ever make a statement implying that again, I'm going to knock your teeth out. And don't you ever imply that she isn't capable of doing her job because she's a woman. She's capable of far more than you ever have been."

Stanley smirked; "I'm sorry for besmirching the image of your precious little girl."

"Katie's never done anything to you; you don't even know her so you keep your mouth shut about her."

"And here I thought you were going to defend your wife's honor...what's left of it."

"You're walking a thin line, Stanley," Jim warned. "My wife is the victim in this situation; not the criminal. You got away with a lot today because she wants to fight her own battles; but from now on where you're concerned; I'll be the one fighting it and I will hurt you, make no mistake about that. Keep your mouth shut and stay away from her."

"Gladly," Stanley spat; "Now let me go. Finish your business here and get out."

Jim stepped back and allowed him to go and then he returned to Craig's office and collected his wife and the files he had been picking up.

As the elevator doors slid shut; Johanna turned towards him. "Can we please go home now?"

Jim shook his head; "I think we should go somewhere and relax; and besides; we haven't had dinner yet."

"We just had lunch awhile ago!" she exclaimed. "I'll make dinner at home."

"I'm giving you the day off from cooking."

"I don't want the day off," she said through clenched teeth.

"You're taking it anyway. It's mandatory. We'll go see a movie first."

She paced the small enclosure; "We can watch a movie at home."

"No, Johanna; we're not going home yet."

Johanna braced a hand against the wall of the elevator as her other hand landed on her hip. "Honey, you're really starting to try my patience," she said sweetly.

Jim smiled at her; "It's not the first time...probably won't be the last."

She sighed heavily and pulled her sunglasses from her pocket and slipped them back on, defeat written in her posture as she remained silent.

* * *

><p>Kate had just finished lighting the candles on the table when she heard a knock at the door. She smoothed away an imaginary wrinkle from the skirt of her navy blue dress; tucked a wayward lock of hair behind her ear and then hurried through the candlelit living room to answer the door. She smiled as she swung it open and saw Castle standing on the other side.<p>

"I'm on time," he announced proudly.

She glanced at her watch; seven on the dot. "Yes you are; I'm impressed."

"For you," he said, holding out a small bouquet of roses.

"They're beautiful; thank you," she replied as she accepted them and then stepped back to allow him inside.

"Wow; what's all of this?" Castle asked with a grin as he surveyed the candles that were lighting the living room.

"Well it's not a five star restaurant or a fancy hotel or anything else equally fabulous….but I think it'll do just as well for a date night."

Castle took her hand and brought it to his lips; pressing a tender kiss to her skin. "I'm sure it will; and I give it five stars for the sole reason that you're here."

She ducked her head shyly for a moment; her fingers curling around his as a light blush touched her cheeks. She still wasn't accustomed to the sincerity of his sweet talk…or the fact that she liked it so much. It was so against the grain of who people thought she was…maybe even who she thought she was. This was one time she was happy to be wrong about herself if that was the case. She didn't want to be one of those overly sappy, constantly giddy women, but she did want to indulge in all the joys of romance. She wasn't ashamed to find that side of herself and set it free.

"Dinner's ready," she told him; tugging on his hand as she moved in the direction of the kitchen.

"You cooked?"

"Well I didn't hire a chef to cater the meal," she teased. "I just hope you're in the mood for Italian food."

"Absolutely," he replied as she released his hand and directed him to the table. "Does a home cooked meal mean that you missed me today?"

"I did miss you," Kate replied as she fixed their plates.

"I missed you too."

"You probably miss just about anything when you're stuck in those meetings," she laughed.

"But I miss you the most out of all of them."

"Good answer."

"This looks great," Castle said as she placed his plate in front of him. "Is this one of those family recipes that your mom taught you?"

Kate smiled as she sat down across from him. "Yes; it's a family recipe, but I learned it from my grandmother Naomi."

"Really?" he asked with interest. "I thought Johanna handled all of your cooking lessons."

"Nope. Grandma gave me a few lessons. I was eleven and I went to stay with her during a snow day from school. Dad was out of town for work and for whatever reason, the courts weren't closed due to the weather and Mom had to go to work. We were going to eat dinner with Grandma that night and she asked me what I thought Mom would want. I picked lasagna because it's always been one of our favorite things that Grandma made. She told me I was old enough to start learning how to make it. Somehow it became the tradition in our family of the grandmother teaching the granddaughter the lasagna recipe. My great great grandmother Josephina taught grandma Naomi; and my great grandmother Sophia taught Mom…and that was probably more of an explanation than you were interested in hearing," Kate laughed as she realized she had been rambling.

"No!" he exclaimed; "I love it; I love hearing you tell your stories. I love how open you are about talking about your family and your memories now."

She gave him a soft smile; it felt good to her too to be able to speak of her past without feeling so weighted down by it. "So are you going to put me out of my misery and taste it?"

"Absolutely," Castle replied as he stuck his fork into the lasagna and then brought it to his lips. His eyes closed for a moment as he savored the sauce and the blend of cheeses she had used. "That's incredible," he said sincerely as he met her hopeful gaze.

"Yeah? You like it?"

"It's amazing. Grandma Naomi taught you well. My compliments to all of the chefs in your family tree," he said; raising his wine glass in salute.

Kate clicked her glass with his. "I'll accept the compliments on their behalves."

"I'm sure they're proud to have you as their representative."

Silence fell for several minutes as they dug into their meals but eventually Kate got up the courage to pry into his life some more.

"Are your grandparents still around, Castle?"

"No," he answered as his gaze met hers. "My grandmother died a few months before I met you. That was a bad time for Mother; her husband had run off; taking her money with him and then she lost her mom. She thinks the fact that she lost her money was the only reason that I let her move in with me."

"But it wasn't?"

"No. She was trying to hide how hard she was taking the loss of her mother amidst everything else. I felt like she might be headed for a bad place. I thought maybe being with Alexis would help. They've always had such an incredible bond and I figured she needed that."

"I'm sure that being with you helped too," Kate stated.

"I did what I could."

"No one would doubt that, Castle. What was your grandmother's name?"

"Camille," he answered.

"That's pretty."

He smiled; "It suited her. It's one of those names that sounds like old fashioned elegance; and she was an elegant lady."

"Were you close to her?"

Castle thought about it for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah; I guess you could say we were close."

Kate eyed him; sensing a deeper story somewhere. "So what was Camille Rodgers like?"

"Camille Rodgers was a slightly more sedate and somewhat less dramatic version of my mother," the writer said with a laugh.

"Was she a redhead too?"

"Yes she was; and very proud of it."

"She sounds like an interesting lady."

"She was," he agreed.

"What about your grandfather?" Kate inquired.

"What about him?"

She gave him an amused smirk; "What was he like, what was his name…"

"Alexander," he stated between bites. "He was a doctor."

"Wow; I didn't know you had a doctor in the family. I would've thought you'd brag about that."

Castle shrugged; "It just never came up."

This seemed like murky water but she kept pushing forward; wanting to know more about him and his life. "Maybe that's why Alexis comes by her medical aptitude so easily; Lanie has commented on that, you know."

"I know."

"I guess I have an idea now where you got your middle name from," she commented.

He smiled; "You're right; it was after my grandfather."

It grew quiet for a moment as she chewed and swallowed and then she spoke once again. "So what aren't you telling me about him?"

Castle shifted in his seat. "There isn't much to tell."

"Why don't I believe that?"

"Because I've obviously rubbed off on you."

"Should I look for a cure for that?" she asked.

He shook his head; "No. Once it happens, it's permanent; there's no cure…not that you'd want to be cured anyway."

Kate smirked at him; "So are you going to tell me about him?"

"My grandfather died when I was fourteen, he was…somewhat aloof," he stated after searching for the right word, or at least a word that was close enough to describing the man. "He wasn't thrilled with the circumstances of my birth."

"I'm sorry," she murmured. "I shouldn't have pried."

"No; it's fine," he assured. "I probably owe you one; we both know I've done plenty of prying into your life…your thoughts…the desk drawer you have candy stashed in at the precinct. You can ask about him if you want."

"Was he mean to you?" she asked cautiously.

"No; he wasn't mean…just somewhat restrained and cold. "Mother had been daddy's little girl all of her life, and when she told them she was pregnant and that my father was no longer around…he couldn't get past that. He didn't disown or shun her but things changed between them. It was like their bond had been severed by that. He couldn't accept the fact that she couldn't or wouldn't tell him who my father was so that he could make that man do right by her."

"So they were never close again?"

Castle shook his head; "No. That always hung between them. There were a few times when she couldn't get acting work and things would be tight and he'd offer to help out but she never accepted unless we were really desperate. She'd just go pick up whatever job she could find that she could stick with until her next role came in."

"It must've been really hard on her," Kate stated.

"It was," he agreed; "But I can honestly say that she never once made it seem like it was. All joking aside; she never made me feel like she regretted me or that I was a burden to her."

"How could she regret someone she loves so much?" she replied. "Martha's a strong woman with a good loving heart; there's no doubt in my mind that she never regretted having you, Castle."

He gave a slight nod; "She is pretty special…but if you tell her I said that, I'll deny it."

"It'll be our little secret," she promised. "What about aunts and uncles? Do you have any of those?"

Castle glanced at her with a grin; "Oh my god, you really are writing a tell all book, aren't you? I thought you were just teasing me about that the last time you were fishing for details!"

Kate gave a soft laugh; "You got me, Castle; your publisher called and made me an offer to dig up all the dirty details of your life for an exposé."

His eyes gleamed with amusement; "I knew you had ulterior motives for getting me over here alone…here I was hoping they were of the sexy variety but I should've known not to trust a bubble popper like you, Detective Beckett. How much did they offer for my dirt?"

So he'd rather play than talk about his family, she thought to herself. Suddenly it was as if the shoe was on the other foot between them. She had always been the hesitant one and now it was him. She wasn't going to give up on knowing more about him and where he came from so to speak, but she would play along with him.

"Ten million dollars," she said; picking a figure at random.

"Is that all?" he scoffed. "My dirt is worth far more than that."

"I guess they don't think so," she teased as she broke apart her breadstick.

"I'm sure Gina would be behind that assumption. Tell me, what are you going to call this book? Richard Castle: A lifetime of words and hotness? Or maybe, Castle; the man, the enigma, the writer. Oh no, wait; I've got it; Castle: the man of mystery."

Kate shook her head. "I don't think any of those titles are exciting enough for you."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Oh I don't know; I was thinking of coming up with a title that would somehow include time traveling CIA affiliated aliens with mob connections."

Castle nodded; "I like it. It's like a greatest hits compilation of my best theories."

"More like your most overused theories but I figured it would appeal to you."

"Of course it would be better if you managed to work zombies into it."

She laughed; "I'll see if I can work that in for you, Castle."

"You really do love me," he quipped. "What are you going to do with the money?"

"I'm thinking of a vacation somewhere tropical."

"Am I going with you?"

"Of course; how else would I get to watch you be tormented by the reviews?"

"I detect something devious in that statement, Detective."

She gave an innocent shrug; "I just thought it might be fun to have mom leave several reviews just to keep you on your toes, waiting for the next one to pop up."

"That's cold."

"Look at it as material for the sequel."

"If you're writing tell all's, make sure you go into great detail about my sexiness so it's authentic and believable."

A lazy seductive grin slid across her lips; "Maybe I want to keep that all to myself."

His brow rose; "Is that right?"

She nodded; "I never have been all that big on sharing what's mine."

"I can't say that I blame you," he replied. "I'm not overly fond of sharing certain things myself."

"Then I guess there are just some things we're going to have to leave out," she remarked; stretching her foot towards him and allowing it to glide up the calf of his leg.

Castle smiled; "I feel like we could be moving back into the realm of sexy ulterior motives."

Kate grinned; "I have plenty of motives for you, Castle; the night is still young."

* * *

><p>Jim leaned back in his desk chair and closed his eyes, wondering if he should linger awhile longer or head upstairs to bed. Johanna had kept to herself since they had gotten home earlier that evening. He didn't mind; he had anticipated that she'd need some space which was why he had taken up residence in their office. He had his files to go over, notes to make and things to prepare for the case he was helping to construct, which gave him plenty to keep occupied with as he stayed out of Johanna's hair for awhile.<p>

He had pushed her a good bit that day and he knew it had been a struggle for her but he felt that she had done relatively well. But still, she had been irritated with his stonewalling every time she asked to go home and then there had been that unexpected encounter with Stanley. She had held her own in the battle, but the remarks about Kate had ignited maternal instinct…the remark about the years he had spent in the bottle had triggered her guilt. She was going to carry that burden with him; she'd shoulder it all if she could and if he'd let her. He just couldn't get Johanna to understand that it had been his decision to drink; she had just been the excuse he had used for it…but his wife was a complicated woman. In her mind, there wouldn't have been the possibility of an excuse if it hadn't been for her.

Jim couldn't absolve her of that guilt; nor could he make her realize that any number of things could've come along and triggered that behavior, it never had to necessarily be her. She wouldn't even allow him to remind her of that brief time during the sixth year of their marriage when she had asked him if his drinking habits were getting to be a problem. That had been his wake up call back then, but she refused to accept it as evidence that a problem might've always been lingering somewhere inside, just waiting for the moment to make itself known, regardless of anything she did or didn't do.

Johanna had remained agitated throughout the movie and into dinner; and she hadn't wanted to speak of the encounter with Stanley. She had brushed it off as normal behavior from the man, but he'd seen the spark of guilt in her eyes; the self loathing, the apologies that she had already whispered a hundred times before. There had been a few flares of temper throughout the day…but he considered that a good thing for the most part. On the other hand, he was left wondering if she was harboring any anger towards him for keeping her out so long; and for making her go into the firm with him and therefore putting her in Stanley's path. While he had been working, he had listened intently to the sound of her moving through the house as she made herself busy before settling into the living room, and he noticed that she had avoided coming near the office. A short while earlier, he had heard her retreat upstairs, but still he waited; his mind drifting with a hundred different thoughts. Chances were, his wife was still mildly peeved with him, and she'd devise a form of punishment for him. Most likely she'd also sleep with her back to him and be glad to send him off to work in the morning just so she'd have the peace of knowing that she didn't have to leave the house again.

He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn't heard the sound of Johanna's footsteps as they carried her to the doorway of the room. She paused for a moment to study her husband, worrying her bottom lip as she did so. By the looks of his relaxed position in his chair, it was possible that he was avoiding her. She couldn't say she blamed him; she was sure she'd been a pain to deal with all day…but she wanted to make it better; and she hoped that his closed eyes didn't mean he had fallen asleep on her before she had gotten to try.

Johanna moved quietly through the room; rounding his desk and pausing next to his chair. She lowered her face to his and brushed a gentle kiss against his lips before she stepped back and perched in front of him on the edge of the desk; propping her feet against the arm of his chair.

Jim's eyes flicked open; a small smile ghosting across his lips at the sight of her. "What are you doing, Sassy?" he asked quietly.

Her gaze met his, a multitude of apologies in her eyes but she didn't know how to voice or explain them; and a part of her didn't want to try. He seemed to understand as his hand moved to caress a bare leg that her robe revealed to him. "Are you coming to bed?" she asked softly.

"I thought you had already gone up to bed," he replied.

"I did...but I was waiting for you."

"Were you?" he questioned gently.

She braced a hand against the desk and then leaned toward him; capturing his mouth with hers in a long kiss. He gently caught hold of her face, keeping her from pulling back once the kiss had ended. He studied her intently as he held her gaze and he saw the understanding in her eyes. She wasn't angry with him...but he had detected a spark of fear that he might be the one who was angry.

Jim kissed her tenderly; trying to erase any doubts she had as her fingertips moved feather light along the curve of his face and into his hairline. "Do we need to talk about anything?" he asked; forcing himself to release his hold on her; although he allowed one hand to remain on her leg, offering a soothing caress.

"No," she whispered; her hand gliding down his chest. "I like this shirt," she murmured; rubbing her fingers against the soft grey cotton material.

Jim gave a soft laugh; "I know; I'm surprised it hasn't found its way into your drawer yet."

"It still could," she quipped.

"Are you sure we don't need to talk?"

His wife smiled coyly; "I think we could find better things to do with our time tonight."

His brow rose, "Is that right?"

She nodded; "Unless you're not interested in what I have to offer."

"Maybe I better look into the matter and see just what it is you're offering," he replied with a grin as he reached for the sash of her robe and tugged at it; causing it to fall open and reveal a familiar dark red silk nightgown.

"Well?" she asked quietly; a saucy lilt to her tone.

"I'm definitely interested in your offer," he replied.

She smiled and moved from the desk to his lap; teasing him with kisses against his neck and his jaw before allowing him to claim her lips. A soft, slender hand found its way beneath his shirt; moving with practiced ease against his skin. She sure did know how to start a fire, he thought to himself as his own hand moved toward the hem of her nightgown. She captured his wrist; a mischievous glint in her eyes as she pulled it away from her nightgown and then removed herself from his lap.

So he was going to be punished after all, he thought as she dodged his hands as they tried to pull her back to him. "Come to bed," Johanna told him with a sassy look as she made a slow purposeful walk to the door.

"I take it you're being the boss?" Jim asked.

She smiled; "Well I did play by your rules all day; it's only fair that you play by mine now."

He chuckled as she stepped across the threshold of the office; there was a small friendly slap in those words; recalling his earlier statement about how he had met her friend so she should meet his. He didn't mind having his words thrown back in his face; they'd been doing that all of their lives...and he didn't mind the game she'd play tonight, he thought as he turned off the lamp on his desk and made his way to the door. She would punish him by drawing things out and making him wait; and if he tried to hurry her along, she'd just slow things down even more until he learned to play by the rules. If he had to be punished for what he had put her through all day; this was the method he preferred...but he knew this was about more than a seductive revenge and the playful passion of long time lovers...it was about her need to apologize although she had done nothing wrong...and it was about how she needed to know that things were still alright between them.

As he approached the stairs, he found her waiting for him on the bottom step. "Impatient, sweetheart?" he asked.

"No," she replied; a soft smile on her lips as she held out a hand to him. "I just figured that since you held my hand all day...that I could return the favor."

Jim smiled as he slipped his hand into hers. "Another offer I can't refuse."

Her smile widened and she tugged at his hand; beckoning him to join her as she turned to climb the stairs.

* * *

><p>Kate broke the kiss they were sharing as the credits rolled on the movie they had watched after dinner. "I think that was better than going to a public movie theater; what about you?" she asked; a hint of a grin touching her lips.<p>

"I give this private establishment a glowing endorsement," Castle replied as he kept her trapped in the circle of his arms.

"Oh really, what would you say?" she inquired as she played with a button on his shirt.

"I would say that the atmosphere was pleasing and intimate; that the seating was comfortable and that the proprietress was very accommodating and cuddly...I'd say more but you might not want the public to know just how accommodating and cuddly you are."

"I do have an image to maintain," she said with a soft laugh.

"Then it will remain our little secret," he stated before stealing another kiss. "Now that we've visited the amazing five star worthy Italian restaurant here, and this lovely little movie theater; I have to ask, is there a room waiting for us here...candle lit of course to keep with the theme of this evening?"

"There is," Kate replied.

"Shall we go there?" he murmured as he pressed a kiss against her ear.

"Not yet," she answered; "There's still one place we haven't visited at this establishment."

"Oh and what would that be?"

Kate wiggled out of his grasp and crossed the room to hit a button on the stereo. "The ballroom of course."

Castle smiled as he rose from the sofa and moved toward her. "No date night would be complete without it."

"My thoughts exactly."

He pulled her into his arms and they began to move slowly to the music.

"I suppose we've danced in nearly every place now; except the bedroom," Castle commented.

Kate caught his eye and held his gaze. "I think that's a matter of opinion."

He chuckled quietly; "Point taken and we're back to me loving your brand of logic."

"I'm glad I could redeem myself."

"There wasn't a doubt in my mind that you would."

They were quiet for awhile and then Kate broke the silence. "You never did answer my question."

"What question was that?"

"Do you have any aunts and uncles?"

"Why are you so interested in my family?" he asked lightly.

"Just curious," she said with a shrug. "You've never really told me anything about your family...and I just want to know as much about you as you know about me. I didn't mean to pry though; you don't have to tell me anymore if you don't want to."

Castle was quiet for a long minute as Kate settled against him once more. "I have two aunts," he finally answered; "Frances and Jacqueline."

"I take it it's not a close family?" she asked.

He shook his head; "Frances and Mother haven't spoken in over thirty years."

Kate wanted to ask why not but she didn't; it didn't seem like a topic he'd be willing to discuss. "What about Jacqueline?"

"She lives in California; Mother flies out to see her once or twice a year."

Kate nodded; "I'm through with being nosy for the night."

He smiled; "It's nice to know that you're interested. I can't say that too many people are or have been."

She brushed a kiss against his lips; "That's their loss then."

Silence fell again and as he reveled in the feel of her in his arms as they swayed together, he couldn't help but ask; "What brought all of this on, Kate?"

"What do you mean?"

"This," he said; gesturing with their joined hands to the room; "This spur of the moment date night?"

"I just wanted us to have a nice evening," she answered. "I know I haven't been the easiest person to deal with lately...and I figure you must have the patience of a saint to put up with me sometimes..."

"Kate, you haven't been as bad as you seem to think."

"Whether I have been or not is beside the point," she stated. "I just want you to know that I appreciate your patience and your love and support."

"You'll always have those things."

"And I hope you know that you have them from me as well," Kate replied; "But I also wanted to show you that I can create a special evening for us too...it doesn't always have to be on your shoulders. I just wanted us to have a night that was private and intimate...void of the usual problems and interruptions."

"As long as a body doesn't drop somewhere," he quipped.

"If that phone rings; I'm holding you personally responsible for jinxing us," she said with a glare.

"That's a scary look; go back to the look of love," he whispered. Kate laughed; a wide smile remaining on her lips as she looked at him; her eyes sparkling in amusement and affection.

"That's the one," Castle remarked before capturing her lips in a long lingering kiss; "And your mission has been accomplished; it's a very special evening, and I'm enjoying it greatly."

"I'm glad," she said softly; meeting him halfway for their next kiss.

The hours faded into each other; going unnoticed as their swaying faded into nothing more than holding each other while they kissed. "Do you think that room is ready for us?" he whispered in her ear, sending a shiver through her body as his hands moved over her.

"It's ready," she replied; "So very ready."

"Then let's not keep it waiting for a moment longer," he stated; taking her hand and pulling her in the direction of her room.

* * *

><p>"Which do you like better?" Kate asked the next morning as she held up two shirts for Castle to consider.<p>

"I like what you're wearing," he replied as he buttoned his shirt.

"Yeah, well I can't go to work wearing just a bra," she remarked as she looked over her choices once again.

"Wear the black one; it's sexy."

Kate put the black shirt back in the closet and took the white one from the hanger and slipped it on.

"I picked the black one," Castle stated as he watched her button her blouse.

"I know."

"Then why are you wearing the white one?"

"Because sexy isn't the look I go for when I dress for work," she replied.

"In that case you might want to consider a potato sack; but even that has the potential for sexiness if it's on you."

"I don't know, Castle; I think burlap has a very low possibility of being sexy no matter whose wearing it."

"Maybe I could have a burlap dress made for you and we could see if you could pull it off," he said; a mischievous gleam in his eye.

A soft laugh escaped her lips; "Do you suddenly have some desire to remake that I Love Lucy episode where she's given a burlap dress? Because I have to tell you that if you bring me a hat made out of a horse's feed bag, I'm going to have to shoot you."

Castle chuckled; "I had forgotten that the burlap dress had been done on I Love Lucy...but somehow it only tempts me more. I could give it a modern day twist, sans the feedbag hat of course. Then I could tweet pictures of you wearing yours and Lucy in hers and ask who wore it best."

"Hold it right there," she laughed; "We're not tweeting any more pictures."

"But..." he began to say just as her phone rang.

"Beckett," she answered.

Castle stayed quiet as she listened to the information that she was being given. "Body?" he asked after she had disconnected the call.

"Yeah; I've got to get going."

"You mean we," he corrected.

Kate wrapped her arms around him and pressed a kiss to his lips. "I mean me; you need to go home and change first so you don't look like you're doing a walk of shame."

"I wasn't at the precinct yesterday; no one would know this is what I had on."

"But I know," she replied; "And besides, your shirt is all wrinkled now..."

"Whose fault is that?" Castle asked with a boyish grin.

Kate smirked at him; "Don't be smug; and another thing, I can smell my perfume all over you."

"And you're afraid Ryan and Esposito might sniff me and say 'Lucy, you've got some splaining to do?" he teased.

"Something like that," she replied with a smile; "And it'll give you time to wipe that 'I scored' look off of your face and then you can bring me my coffee."

"You already had coffee this morning."

"Don't you think it would look suspicious if you showed up without my coffee?"

"I think you're over thinking this, Kate."

"Castle," she sighed; a hint of pleading in her eyes.

He relented with a nod of his head. "I know; our safe word right now is discretion."

She grinned; "That wasn't what it was last night."

"Safe word changes after dark," he quipped. "Unless it's lunch time and there's a hotel room involved; then it changes earlier."

"I'm not seeing any lunchtime hotel rooms in our future for awhile," Kate stated as she laid her hands against his cheeks and then kissed him. "I've got to go," she added before telling him the address of the crime scene.

"I'll be there as soon as I can," he promised as he followed her out of her bedroom.

* * *

><p>It always felt somewhat odd to be home without Jim; Johanna thought to herself as she sat at the table early that afternoon and folded laundry from the basket that sat on the chair next to her. Over the last several weeks, he hadn't left her often, only a few times but she figured that was just something else she'd have to get used to. It wasn't that she minded him going off to do his consulting jobs, she didn't. It was nice to have some time to herself; to think and move about without being watched. She knew that her husband was worried about her in some ways and that he was trying to watch her subtly...but he wasn't always very good at being subtle. She wasn't exactly sure what it was that he was watching for; wasn't even certain if he knew exactly what it was. Maybe he was just on alert for a possible breakdown. Whatever the reason was, she didn't call him on it. It would take care of itself once things calmed down.<p>

Johanna smiled as she folded one of his t-shirts, rubbing her hand against the soft grey cotton before putting it on the pile with his other shirts. She didn't mind the time alone...but she missed him. It was quiet, the TV on the counter playing softly for background noise but there was a sense of peace in her home. As she had walked Jim to the door that morning, it had been so nice to look out and not see the presence of the media. She had been wary though, as she had been the past several days, waiting until mid morning before opening the blinds in the living room and letting the sun pour in. It was a relief, a temporary one, she was sure, but a relief none the less and she felt like she could breathe again.

A thought came to mind out of nowhere, reminding her that the air of early October was still warm enough for being outside in the afternoons. Maybe after she finished folding the laundry and putting it away, she would make a cup of tea and grab her book and go out and sit on the porch swing for awhile. That old swing had always been one of her favorite reading spots. It sounded like a good idea; she felt safe enough. She'd take her phone and she was sure she could make it back inside if someone approached the house. Besides, maybe being outside the door on her own would help ease her fears. Baby steps, she told herself. Baby steps were better than no steps. Once she mastered a few baby steps, she'd work on getting a car and taking that bigger leap. She wouldn't mention that part to Jim...but maybe he'd be proud of her for venturing outside to read.

Johanna folded the last few articles of clothing and then matched socks and folded them as well. She piled her belongings into one side of the basket and then picked up Jim's to put in the vacant space next to hers; her hand brushing against that grey shirt once again. It was funny how something so mundane as laundry could feel so good to her. There was just something about the sight of his clothes in the basket with hers that routinely reminded her that she was home. Everything mundane and every day felt so good; the laundry, the planning of meals and cooking; the debate over what to watch in the evenings...the warmth of their bed. Those brief drowsy moments in the middle of the night when she'd wake to the feel of his arm settling across her waist. She wasn't taking anything for granted, no matter how ordinary of a task it might be.

Of course in between those tasks were things that were special to her; like when they had danced in the kitchen after dinner that second night after they had came back from Wyoming; and how he had helped her unpack and settle in. There were those moments when they were cuddled up together on the sofa, no words between them, for the simple fact that none were necessary. There was also that night a week before, when they had laid in their bed in the darkness and talked all night long, the topics unimportant and his goal to make her laugh with the stories he told successfully achieved. She had laughed...like she didn't have a care in the world, and that night she didn't. She had her husband and they were locked away in their own little world and nothing had mattered but them. It had felt so good and by dawn it had turned into love making...tender and yet passionate; so perfect without those lingering feelings of the last several months behind it for the first time.

A smile touched her lips; her hand moving against the fabric of his shirt as it rested in the basket as her mind filled with the memory of the night before. She was a wife again, in every sense of the word...and in the moments of darkness that sometimes clouded around her, she clung to that knowledge. She had reclaimed her place; no one would take it from her again. She wouldn't allow it. Johanna pushed her thoughts away and rose from her chair to put water on to heat for her tea. She figured that it would be ready by the time she got the laundry put away. She turned back towards the table and picked up the laundry basket from the chair; balancing it against her hip as she carried it through the house.

Just as she reached the stairs, a knock sounded at the door. She froze; a flutter of panic rippling through her stomach. Jim always made it a point to tell Katie when he wasn't going to be home and Kate had already texted once to check in with her. She hadn't mentioned stopping by, and she was certain that Kate would've called her before knocking on the door. It didn't seem likely that it was anyone else that she knew.

A second knock sounded and a trickle of trepidation slid down her spine as she sat the clothes basket on the bottom step. She felt her pockets and realized that she had left her phone in the kitchen, and the cordless phone on the stand would be of no use to her since they had to have their landline disconnected due to the barrage of calls from media outlets. She crept forward and when she reached the stand in the entry way, she slid open the drawer and took out the gun that rested inside; clutching it tightly as she kept it concealed at her side as she approached the door.

…_To be continued_


End file.
